


Does Your Mother Know

by Penguina



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Dammit Jim, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Friendship, GCPD, Happy Ending, Harvey Bullock is a dick to Oswald, Love, Love Triangle, M/M, Mocking, Nygmobblepot, Oblivious Jim, One-Sided Oswald Cobblepot/Jim Gordon, Oswald is crushing harder than a 12 year old girl, Pining, Protective Harvey, Riddler - Freeform, Season 1 Edward Nygma, Teasing, dilemma, gobblepot, happy endings, smitten Oswald
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-05-29 12:18:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 39,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15073010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penguina/pseuds/Penguina
Summary: Oswald Cobblepot’s crush on Detective James Gordon is so obvious people at the GCPD started making jokes about it, teasing Jim and making fun of Penguin. One brave young forensic scientist cannot stand for it any longer.Somewhat inspired by ABBA’s songDoes Your Mother Knowhence the title.





	1. Does Your Mother Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to [Boossuet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boossuet/pseuds/Boossuet) for being a wonderful beta :)

Hey, Jim. Your boyfriend’s back,” Harvey teased, chuckling at his own joke. 

 

Jim followed his partner’s gaze and saw Cobblepot at the precinct entrance, looking around and obviously searching for someone. Searching for Jim, of course. Every time he showed up at the GCPD Cobblepot would look for Jim. 

 

“Jesus,” Jim muttered. “What does he want now?” 

 

Harvey made another inappropriate remark that Jim chose to ignore and returned to his secret-but-not-so-secret flask. Jim rushed down the stairs just in time for Oswald to notice him. 

 

“Jim Gordon!” Cobblepot beamed at him, his eyes sparkling as if he’d seen Heaven incarnated. 

 

“Umm, hi,” Jim greeted, a little uneasy. “Why are you here?” 

 

Oswald’s smile wavered a little, as if he were disappointed Jim was dismissing him so soon, but that was only for a second. “I wanted to give you this. An invitation to an event in my club. I thought since you couldn’t show up for the opening, you might want to come to this?” Oswald’s hand stretched out, offering Jim a dark purple envelope with a blue umbrella on it. Jim hesitated. “Will you--” Oswald cleared his throat. “Will you at least consider it?” 

 

Jim sucked in a sharp breath and pulled the envelope from Cobblepot’s hands. “I’ll see what I can do,” he said reluctantly. 

 

Oswald smiled again. “Thank you, Jim Gordon. I really appreciate it. I know you’re very busy and--” 

 

“And he’s busy right now. You’re wasting his time, you little creep,” Harvey interrupted. 

 

Even Jim was startled. “Harvey. That’s not how we talk to our--” 

 

“Friends,” Oswald offered. “We’re friends after all. Aren’t we?” 

 

Jim pursed his lips again. Saying that Penguin was his friend was kind of a stretch. They weren’t  _ that  _ close and Jim really didn’t need an official mob connection. At the same time Oswald had done quite a lot of favors for Jim already. Jim knew it was partly because he spared Oswald’s life that day. But the detective was also aware that Oswald was developing a little crush on him. He was ashamed to admit to himself that he had often took advantage of that to get Oswald to do stuff for him. 

 

Jim cleared his throat. “So, an event at your club, you say,” he tried to change the subject, pushing Harvey further away from them. “I’ll try to be there, Oswald.” 

 

Oswald gave him a sheepish smile and after glancing back at Jim several times, left the GCPD. 

 

Jim sighed in relief.  “Damn it, Jim! You’re in deep!” Harvey giggled. “Penguin’s so smitten. He won’t let you go until you give something in return. If you know what I mean.” 

 

Jim rolled his eyes. “How could I possibly? You’re too cryptic.” He headed back to his desk, wondering what he should do with Cobblepot’s invitation. 

 

“Penguin won’t give it a rest,” Harvey continued. “He’s a stubborn little bastard. That’s why I came to your rescue.” 

 

“You call that a rescue? You made things worse. Now I  _ have  _ to go to his stupid party.” 

 

“Hey, with guys like Penguin you have to be rough. They won’t give up otherwise.” 

 

“I’m just rough enough, Harvey.” 

 

“But he seems to  _ like  _ it.” 

 

“Stop that,” Jim scolded but it was something he himself wondered about at times. 

Jim would push Oswald against walls, manhandle him like a wild savage, groan and yell at him and Cobblepot  _ still  _ came back for more. Did he enjoy Jim’s roughness? Was that possible? Jim shook those thoughts from his mind. “Just be civil, Harvey, okay?” 

 

Harvey sighed heavily and then shrugged. “Whatever. I’m just doing you a favor, Jimbo.” 

 

~*~

 

It wasn’t until the next week that  Cobblepot returned to the precinct. This time Jim was nowhere to be found. Instead Harvey was there, noticing Oswald immediately. “You looking for Jim, Penguin?” he asked nonchalantly.

 

“Yes. But it can wait,” Penguin replied. He was about to head back when Harvey stopped him, getting up from his chair to tower over the smaller man. 

 

“Don’t be in a hurry now. Stay for a bit. Be my guest,” he said. 

 

Oswald was visibly confused by Harvey’s invitation but still he did not leave. 

“Alright.” he said, waiting for Harvey’s next move. It was clear as day that Detective Bullock wanted something from him, that much was obvious. This wasn’t just a ‘long time no see’ gesture to be polite. 

 

“You keep coming here often lately, Penguin. Don’t you?” Harvey said. 

 

“I guess,” Penguin allowed. “I haven’t paid attention.” 

 

“Well, I have. You come here every week, sometimes  _ twice  _ a week. What’s up with them social visits?” 

 

Oswald’s lips were a tight line when he replied. “Usually it’s about work. Need I remind you that I provide good information for you and Jim’s investigations. You of all people should know that, Detective Bullock. You and Fish Mooney used to do a lot of…  _ work _ … together.” He accentuated on the word  _ ‘work’ _ to indicate he was very much aware of what was truly transpiring between Harvey and Fish. 

 

Harvey glared. “Are you suggesting your work with Jim is anything like my work with Fish?” he laughed at that. “Because I highly doubt it. How do I say this? Jim is not interested in that line of business.” 

 

“This does not concern you, Detective Bullock,” Penguin insisted but he was already red in the face. Harvey was enjoying this. 

 

“Just trying to help out, spare you a heartache,” he said. “I’m looking after you. ‘Cause no matter what you do for Jim, even if you bend over backwards to help him, you’ll always end up rejected.” 

 

Oswald clenched his fists tightly. “I won’t take up any more of your time, Detective. You’re probably busy drinking.” 

 

“Hey, Penguin? Leave Jim alone, okay?” Harvey called after him. “He doesn’t need a creep to pine after him. You’re not his type, or  _ anyone’s  _ type for that matter. And you’re just wasting your breath, kid. Does your mother know that you’re out?” 

 

Oswald was used to being bullied and mocked but Harvey’s words took him by surprise. They hit the bullseye and he was so affected by them that he didn’t notice the tall young man with the glasses until he walked straight into his chest. “Apologies,” he muttered, frowning and hurriedly continued on his way to the exit. 

 

“No problemo,” The guy smiled and waved after him. “Have a nice day, Mr. Penguin.” 

 

~*~ 

 

Edward Nygma knew who Oswald Cobblepot was. Oswald Cobblepot was the Penguin. What was it like to have a cool name like that? It must be really neat. Mr. Penguin himself was quite impressive as a specimen. He didn’t seem like someone who’d take anybody’s bullshit. Not like Edward who endured it all with a smile, even as his heart was breaking on the inside. What the hell was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he just stand up for himself? Make them stop… 

 

Mr. Penguin was dangerous, they said. But Edward wasn’t afraid of him. Edward admired him. Edward wanted to learn from him. Edward wanted to be his friend. To be anyone’s friend, really. Edward really needed friends. It was no fun being the only one answering his own riddles. He needed more feedback and feedback came from friends. But friends weren’t easy to find, were they? Edward was the politest and kindest person at the GCPD and yet no one wanted to be his friend. Why? He didn’t understand what he was doing wrong. Yes, he was different, but was that a reason to be shunned and avoided? Or laughed at? Most species in nature destroyed whoever was different. The world did not seem too fond of oddities, no matter how many ‘be yourself’ inspirational posters there were.

 

The point was, Mr. Penguin was a lot like Edward himself. Only Mr. Penguin knew how to deal with people in a way that made people leave him alone. Most of the time at least. 

 

Edward was not blind or deaf to all the jokes his colleagues at the GCPD were making at Penguin’s expense. Mockeries about his apparent crush on James Gordon. Edward couldn’t understand why would that be a good source material for jokes but he wasn’t surprised. People were weird. Be that as it may, Edward did not like Penguin being mocked like that, especially for that reason. He felt bad for the guy, mostly because he could relate. People mocked him for his crush on Miss Kringle. Even Miss Kringle herself treated him like dirt. Much like Jim Gordon did to Oswald. Strange. Mr. Penguin and Ed both seemed to be in the same boat. Mistreated by the objects of their affections, mocked by everybody else for their feelings. Wasn’t that a sign that they had to become best friends? Edward thought it was. So he became more alert, careful not to miss the next time Mr. Penguin showed up at the precinct. They definitely needed to talk. 

 

~*~

 

Jim was distracted that day. Work was slow and he had this strange dreamy look on his face. Harvey made several of what he considered to be his funniest jokes ever and his partner hardly even registered them. It was worrisome. 

 

“Jimbo? Is everything alright?” 

 

“Hmm? Oh. Yeah, I’m fine, Harv,” Jim reassured, fidgeting with some old papers on his desk to simulate working. 

 

Harvey gave him a look. “Trouble with the girlfriend?” he asked. 

 

“What? No.” 

 

“What then?” 

 

Jim hesitated for a moment before finally he muttered, “Cobblepot hasn’t showed up for ages. I wonder if something happened to him.” 

 

Harvey gaped at him. “ _ That’s  _ what’s been bothering you all morning?”

Jim shrugged. “I had this case I wanted his opinion on the other day but he’s not answering my calls. It’s weird.” 

 

“It’s good. You’re finally free of him,” Harvey groaned. “You should be happy, Jimbo.” 

 

“Yeah. Of course. It’s just… Oswald is a good ally. He has all kinds of information. He’s useful. He usually always picks up whenever I call. And usually always shows up here under some pretext. And now suddenly he goes awol? Aren’t you worried?” 

 

“Why would I be worried?” Harvey exclaimed. “I don’t care if the little shit is dead or alive.” 

 

“It’s not funny, Harvey. He could be hurt.” 

 

“So?” 

 

“So!? Isn’t it our job to protect people?” 

 

Harvey sighed tiredly. “Oswald Cobblepot does not fall under the category of people we protect. He’s a criminal. He’s a mobster. He’s no better than the dirt under your shoe.” 

 

“He’s still a human being.” 

 

“I sincerely doubt that,” Harvey chuckled. “I’m not sure what species he belongs to but he’s not human. Maybe he actually is part penguin,” Harvey laughed some more. He was on fire today with his humor. Why couldn’t Jim appreciate it? 

 

When he stopped laughing at his own joke he was met with Jim’s stern expression. 

“Jeez, sorry I made fun of your boyfriend. Someone’s touchy.” Harvey rolled his eyes and reached out for his flask once again. 

 

“We need Oswald on our side, working with us, not against us,” Jim said, looking at his partner carefully. “You didn’t do anything, did you, Harvey?” 

 

Harvey sort of retreated into his chair. “What do you mean? What could I do?” 

 

“I don’t know. You tell me,” Jim insisted, sniffing out his bullshit from a mile away.

 

“I haven’t seen Penguin since the last time he was here,” Harvey said. Technically that wasn’t a lie. 

 

“Harvey,” Jim warned with an even more stern expression.

 

Harvey groaned. “Fine. You wanna know what happened? I’ll tell you. Penguin was here last week, you were busy with a case. So I played host. I talked to him. And I told him he has no chance with you because you’re not interested in him like that. I told him to leave you alone.” 

 

“Harvey!” 

 

“People were beginning to talk about it, Jim! Nasty talk about you and Penguin. It was affecting your reputation, pal! What was I supposed to do?” 

 

“It wasn’t your call, Harvey. You should’ve let me deal with it.” 

 

“But you weren’t! That’s the problem!” Harvey exclaimed. “You want every cop at the GCPD to think you’re Penguin’s little bitch? You want them to think you work for a mobster?” 

 

“Like they’re not all dirty themselves,” Jim rolled his eyes. 

 

“That’s not the point!” Harvey insisted. “They may be dirty but you were the one honest cop in this damn precinct and damn it they need that! They need to know there’s another way! Hell,  _ I  _ need to know there's another way,” He looked at Jim with feeling. “It wasn’t my call, I admit. But all I was trying to do was help you. Keep your friendship with the little freak if you insist. But at least keep it private.” 

 

Jim sucked in a deep breath. He couldn't really be mad at Harvey. He understood quite well what provoked his partner to act the way he did. Still, the thought of not having Oswald’s help, or, Heaven forbid, having Oswald turn against them, was to say the least, unsettling, if not a little disturbing. Whatever happened, Jim had to fix it. 

 

~*~ 

 

Oswald was checking the books for his club when he heard footsteps. “We’re closed,” He said absentmindedly. 

 

“So you’re alive after all,” Jim Gordon’s rather husky voice responded. 

 

Oswald lifted his gaze instantly, blinking a little surprised at the policeman. “I am quite hard to kill,” he said with a small smile of his own. “Jim Gordon. To what do I owe this visit?” 

 

“You weren’t answering my calls,” Detective Gordon said, taking a step closer. “I was worried.” It would seem this day was full of surprises.

 

“I didn’t think that would be such a problem for you,” he said. “I assumed it would be one less thing to worry about.” 

 

“I spared your life once. You’re sort of mine now.” 

 

Oswald’s lips parted and for a moment he was unable to reply. What was one supposed to say to  _ that  _ !? “Umm…” 

 

“I am responsible for you. For the trouble you get into and the trouble you cause,” Jim Gordon clarified. “So, tell me. What are you up to not answering my calls?” 

 

“Well, I-- my club, mostly,” Oswald stuttered, still too affected by Jim’s previous remark and by the mere fact that Jim had been worrying about him. There was heat in his cheeks again and he was avoiding Jim’s eyes. “You know, the usual.” 

 

Jim took another step towards Penguin, looking him over. Oswald swallowed nervously.  “When I need you, you should answer me. Understood?” 

 

Oswald nodded. He didn’t even think to say that he wasn’t on Jim’s payroll, that Jim wasn’t the boss of him, that Oswald had his own free will. All he could do when Jim got closer, asking him to do stuff, was to silently agree. 

 

Jim took a step back again, giving Oswald more space to breathe. “Good,” he said. “I’ll leave you to your work now.” 

 

Oswald’s breath caught in his throat. Jim was leaving already? “Wait!” he gasped, another feeble attempt to keep Jim close for longer. “Umm… What did you need my help with?” 

 

Jim waved it off. “I solved the case, it’s fine.” 

 

“Oh. Okay.” Oswald nodded, looking helplessly at Jim. 

 

“See you around,” Jim said and left without a backward glance at Oswald.

 

~*~ 

 

No sign of Mr. Penguin. It’s been almost a month and the man had completely disappeared. Edward was beginning to worry. He even wondered if he should go to that club himself and check up on him. Then he remembered their first meeting and how irritated Mr. Penguin was to speak to Ed instead of Jim Gordon. Perhaps visiting him at his club wouldn’t be such a great idea after all. But then one day finally Ed noticed the familiar figure, limping in the precinct, heading for Detective Gordon’s desk. 

 

Edward’s heart leapt with joy at the opportunity. It was his time to try once again to befriend the man. He cautiously made his way closer to the stairs that led to Gordon and Harvey’s desks, just to be sure not to miss his chance to speak with Penguin again. Incidentally, he could also overhear every word they said to one another. 

 

“Oswald,” Jim greeted Penguin with a nod. 

 

Harvey remained very silent, almost to the point of making a statement. 

 

“Hello, Jim Gordon,” Penguin greeted. “I came to tell you that a certain newcomer is harassing people,  _ innocent  _ people. So I thought you’d like to know his name and his style and perhaps capture him.” 

 

“And you’re telling us this why?” Harvey butted in before Jim could reply. 

 

“I just wanted to make it clear that he’s not one of mine,” Penguin said, somehow managing to make his voice sound both polite and biting. It was nothing like the trembling delicate nervous thing it was when he talked to Jim. 

 

“Right. That’s the  _ only  _ reason you’re here,” Harvey rolled his eyes. 

 

“If you have something to say, Detective Bullock, say it. I won’t take your half-witted nonsense,” Penguin said. 

 

“Harvey, please,” Jim warned. 

 

“You promised not to bring him to the precinct, Jim. It’s like you  _ want  _ to be made fun of!” Harvey grunted.

 

Oswald grimaced with repulsion, taken aback by the remark. “What’s that supposed to mean!?” 

 

“Both of you, stop! You’re making a scene!” Jim scolded like he would a couple of misbehaving toddlers. And, of course, just like a couple of misbehaving toddlers, Oswald and Harvey ignored Jim completely. 

 

“It means that despite my warning you’re still here to grovel at Jim’s feet like the scum that you are!” Harvey yelled, his temper already long lost. “Could your pathetic desperate crush be any more obvious and weird, you freak!?” 

 

Oswald opened his mouth to say something but no words came out of it. For a moment he just stood there, gaping like a fish (oh, the irony!) and wishing helplessly to come up with  _ something  _ equally hurtful to say. 

 

A few beats later Oswald was still silent. Edward felt his hands clench into tight fists. Anger was rising inside him. It was unfair! Making fun of people’s feelings like that, it was unfair! Criminal or not, requited or not, it was ugly to behave that way towards the poor man! Edward knew what it felt like to be at the receiving end and he could no longer be a witness to it happening to Mr. Penguin. 

 

“Pengsy-wengsy! You came! Like you said you would!” Edward exclaimed, showing himself from his semi-hiding place at the stairs and crossing the distance between him and Penguin. “I’m so glad! You’re such a sweetheart!” 

 

The confused look Mr. Penguin gave him was hilarious but laughing at it was for another time. Right now Edward had to make sure the guy played along. He watched Oswald’s lips part and he knew the mobster would say something that would ruin everything. Ed had to shut him up _now_ ! Quickly, before he could think much about it, he grabbed the man by the lapels of his dark coat and pulled him in for a big kiss. Yes, that shut him up! 

 

~*~ 

 

Jim gaped at Nygma kissing Cobblepot, with feeling and passion. What the hell was that!? Since when did they even know one another? Was this some strange parallel universe where Cobblepot and Nygma had a relationship that involved exchanging saliva? What was happening? Jim helplessly glanced at Harvey who seemed just as surprised and dumbfounded by the reveal as the rest of the GCPD force that witnessed it. 

 

It took another long moment before Nygma finally let go of his… his Penguin, and the two just panted and gazed into each other’s eyes. Oswald looked embarrassed, blushing and trying to avoid looking Jim in the face. Clearly he wasn’t a fan of PDA, much like Jim himself. As a matter of fact, he seemed rather shy. Yet, he stood close to Edward as Nygma spoke with a huge smile on his face. 

 

“He likes to surprise me. He’s neat like that,” Ed said and Jim was even more stunned by the thought that this guy was Oswald’s-- Oswald’s what exactly? Were they really dating now!? Were they together!? 

 

“Um, yeah. Lots of surprises today,” Harvey was the first to speak after Nygma. “Look, Oswald, I guess I owe you an apology. I didn’t realize…” The detective still looked quite out of it, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked for the right words. “Didn’t realize you and Nygma were--” 

 

“A couple,” Nygma supplied with a little nervous but excited chuckle. “We’re a couple. Right, Pengsy-wengsy?” 

 

He turned to his blushing little nestling who only nodded slowly and was seemingly spellbound. Jim’s throat suddenly closed. Was Oswald really that enamored with Nygma? When did that happen? He seemed so smitten with Jim just a few days ago. And why was Jim suddenly annoyed by that? He should be glad Oswald had someone else to obsess about. Right? 

 

“Yes. We’re a couple. Sorry you had to find out like that. But that’s how the cookie crumbles,” Edward announced cheerfully. 

 

“Well, we’re happy for you. Congratulations,” Harvey said. “You two seem perfect for one another.” 

 

“Thank you,” Oswald mumbled under his breath, still avoiding Jim’s gaze. 

 

Jim was suddenly overtaken by unreasonable anger. He wanted Oswald to look at him. Why was Oswald not even looking at him!? Did he really only had eyes for Edward Nygma!? Was he just pretending to care about Jim all this time? Was that a game? Jim clenched his fists tightly by his side, not trusting himself to do something stupid. 

 

“Aren’t we happy for them, pal?” Harvey said, glancing at Jim. 

 

“Thrilled,” Jim said with a forced smile. 

 

“Let me show you where I work! No one hardly ever goes there so it’ll be just the two of us. And a few body parts,” Nygma told Oswald and wrapped an arm around him in an annoyingly possessive manner. Jim wanted to scream. “Say goodbye to Detectives Gordon and Bullock,” Nygma reminded his boyfriend and Oswald obediently waved goodbye. He was so pliable, so soft around Nygma. What the hell!? 

 

"Why are there body parts? Nygma, you work in Forensics! Why are there body parts, Nygma!?" Harvey calling after them but Ed and Oswald just ignored him. 

 

Jim watched the two oddballs walk away from him towards Edward’s workplace, hand in hand like a couple of love doves. He was grumpy for the rest of the day. 

 

~*~ 

 

“What the hell was that!?” Oswald pushed Nygma off of himself the moment they were alone. “What were you thinking!? I demand an explanation!” 

 

“Relax, Mr. Penguin. I was only helping,” Edward assured. “I don’t know if you remember me--” 

 

“You’re the riddle person! The one that stalked me the last time.” 

 

“So you do remember me!” Edward beamed. “That’s wonderful.” 

 

“You’re still standing too close!” Oswald gritted through his teeth. Then he made a face like he was about to sob and held his head in his shaking hands. “Why did you do that!?” 

 

“I wanted them to stop making fun of you and your crush on Detective Gordon,” Ed explained. “I thought that was obvious.” 

 

“I understand that part. I even appreciate it. But the kiss. Why did you have to kiss me!?” 

 

“I-- I was afraid you’d say something and give away our cover. Was I-- was I wrong?” 

 

Oswald found a chair and slumped down into it. “You shouldn’t have kissed me. I don’t like people touching me,” he said on the verge of a mental breakdown.  

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.” 

 

“You don’t understand.” 

 

“I do! I completely understand!” Edward insisted. He wanted to make a point that they had more in common than Oswald thought. But he never expected  _ the  _ Penguin to silently cry in his office because Ed kissed him. That was awkward and strange and Ed wasn’t sure what to do. He reached out to put a comforting hand on Penguin’s shoulder but then remembered that the man  _ just _ told him he didn’t like to be touched. So he retrieved his hand back to himself and swallowed nervously. “Mr. Penguin? I misjudged the situation. I’m so very sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I promise, I only wanted to help.” 

 

“That was my first kiss,” Oswald whispered after a long silence. 

 

“Pardon?” Ed leaned in to hear him better. 

 

“That-- that there was my first kiss,” Oswald repeated, sounding a little guilty for some reason, before he sobbed again and hid his face in his hands. 

 

“Oh. Well, that’s fine,” Edward said slowly. “I mean, I’m sorry I stole your first kiss from you like that… It should’ve been with someone you liked.” 

 

Oswald’s hands dropped down to his knees and he looked up at Edward with glassy eyes. “Let’s face it. The one I like was never going to kiss me.” 

 

Edward sighed. He knew the struggle. “I’m sorry,” was all he could say. 

 

Oswald glanced up at him again. “It was a nice kiss though,” he added, slowly becoming a master of his emotions once again. 

 

“Thanks,” Ed said with a nod. “I’ve had plenty of practice. This was like my-- my 10th kiss. 100th kiss,” He corrected awkwardly, causing Oswald to look at him with suspicion. “I kiss all the time and-- yeah, it was my first kiss too,” Ed sighed and slumped down into the chair next to Oswald. 

 

Penguin looked at him with wide eyes for a moment until finally he burst into uncontrollable laughter. Ed wondered if the guy lost his marbles from the shock of being kissed by E. Nygma but then again… the laughter sounded genuine. 

 

“Do you realize how ridiculous this whole thing is?” Oswald asked still incredibly amused. 

 

Edward thought about it and slowly joined in Oswald’s amusement with a laughter of his own. “It is! It’s hilarious!” 

 

“Yes!” 

 

They laughed some more until finally Edward complained that ‘his tummy was aching’ which only caused Oswald to laugh harder. “I can’t believe Jim and Harvey Bullock bought that,” Oswald said when they both calmed down again. “Jim probably saw right through me.” 

 

Ed shook his head. “Not really. He looked like he believed it. He even looked kind of irritated.” 

 

Oswald frowned. “Why would he be irritated about it?” 

 

Ed shrugged. “I don’t know. It looked like he was jealous but that can’t be right. Right?” 

 

Oswald’s jaw slacked. “Could Jim Gordon be jealous? Why? He never noticed me before… I never expected him to.” 

 

“Some animals find rivalry more stimulating,” Ed mused. “Having to fight for their mate excites them. You having a mate-- well, me, -- could have awoken that old primal instinct of possessiveness in Detective Gordon.” 

 

Oswald shuddered at the thought of Jim Gordon being possessive of him. He blushed and swallowed. “I never expected that,” he finally said. “I’m usually 5 steps ahead of everyone but I never saw that coming.” 

 

“It’s different when the heart is involved,” Edward said thoughtfully. “Love blinds us in more ways than just one.” 

 

Oswald nodded. “I guess that's true. I’ve never been in love.” 

 

“I have,” Ed sighed. “I still am. I’m in love with Miss Kringle.” 

 

“Who’s Miss Kringle?” Oswald inquired. 

 

“She’s the one I let stomp all over my heart,” he uttered dramatically with a sad look on his face. “She knows how I feel about her but she treats me like dirt.” 

 

Oswald sighed companionably. “Jim used to be the same way.” 

 

“Well, at least you seem to have some chance with Jim,” Ed said. “I don’t think Miss Kringle would ever be even remotely jealous if she saw us together.” 

 

Oswald’s eyes suddenly widened and he grabbed Ed’s hand tightly by the wrist. 

“You just gave me an idea, Edward Nygma!” he grinned, pleased with himself. “We continue this charade. And together we make both Jim and Miss Kringle jealous!” 

 

“Would that work?” Edward asked, excitement already budding in his chest. 

 

“We could at least try!” Oswald replied equally excited. “What have we to lose?” 

 

“Mr. Penguin?” 

 

“Yes, Mr. Nygma?” 

 

“I believe this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!” 


	2. I Can Read in Your Face That Your Feelings are Driving You Wild

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally planned as a one-shot but since many people asked for more I couldn't resist ;) So here you go, the second chapter of... not sure how many yet :D  
> Enjoy!
> 
> Once again special thanks to [Boossuet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boossuet/pseuds/Boossuet) for being a wonderful beta :)

 

Jim was biting the inside of his cheek with irritation. Harvey followed his gaze with a growing concern. His partner had been weird all week. It was bordering on disturbing. This time Jim’s frustration was directed at the other end of the precinct where Nygma was joyfully chatting with his new boyfriend Penguin. The two were giggling at something, cooing at one another like a pair of love birds. It was a disconcerting sight for Harvey. Seeing anyone enjoy Nygma’s company, or Penguin’s company for that matter, was weird any day of the week. Seeing them together was… well, even weirder. But Harvey was trying to be good now. He was trying not to be an asshole. And damn it, if even Nygma and Penguin managed to find a someone to be with, what did that say about Harvey’s pathetic excuse of a love life? 

 

Harvey did not like the new direction of his thoughts so he decided it was wise to turn his attention back to Jim. “Hey, Jimbo. Wanna grab a beer or something, pal?” he  suggested. Perhaps an evening out was all Jim needed to blow off some steam and relax from the stressful week. 

 

Jim growled something that Harvey couldn’t quite catch. 

 

“Okay, pal. Gotcha. No beer then.” Harvey shrugged and sighed. 

 

Jim growled some more and Harvey had to wonder what was his problem!? 

 

“Look at them,” Jim grumbled under his breath. 

 

Harvey glanced at where Jim was glaring. “Penguin and Nygma? What about them?” 

 

“This is the third time he’s come to the precinct this week,” Jim said annoyed. 

 

“You’re counting?” Bullock asked, surprised. Jim ignored him, too busy fuming about the two love birds. 

 

“What are they giggling about?” He asked. irritated. 

 

“Who knows? They’re both weirdos, they deserve one another,” Harvey said. “We should be happy for them though.” 

 

But Jim did not seem too happy with that. “I can’t believe I fell for Oswald's crap. He was clearly playing me all this time.” 

 

Harvey frowned a little, not really understanding his friend’s frustration. “Okay…? He was playing you how exactly?” 

 

“He made me think he was all gooey-eyed for me when all this time he was with Nygma!” 

 

Harvey chuckled. “Why is that a problem? At least you got him off your back.” 

 

Jim growled some more until finally he pushed himself up from his chair. 

 

“Where are you going?” Harvey asked helplessly, his partner’s peculiar behavior leaving him completely lost. 

 

“I can’t stay here.” Jim’s eyes were hard and a little mad when he fixed them on Harvey and spoke with conviction, “Gotham’s streets aren’t going to become safer if the entire police force spends its time sitting on their backsides and doing nothing. We’re not civil servants, Harv. We’re not made to sit behind desks. I’m going out there to do my job!”  

 

Harvey held up both his hands as if he were trying to pacify a wild animal. “Okay, pal. I understand. I’m all for that, Jimbo, but it’s nearly the end of our shift. Better go home, relax, spend some time with your girlfriend…” 

 

“I can’t stay here another second,” Jim said through gritted teeth and after another quick glare at Nygma and Penguin, he left through the back door. 

 

~*~ 

 

“Oh, there he goes!” Nygma whispered excitedly. “Quick, lean closer to me. Touch my arm or something.” 

 

Penguin angled his body closer to Nygma’s, his fingers brushing against Edward’s upper arm just enough to be noticable. That was the whole purpose of their display, wasn’t it? To show off what a happy couple they were. To see if they could make Jim Gordon jealous. 

 

“Is he coming this way?” Oswald whispered back, too nervous to actually steal a glance in Jim’s direction. 

 

Nygma, who had a better view of that part of the precinct, only frowned. “Hmm, not sure. He’s talking to Detective Bullock about something. He looks kind of agitated. Like how he gets when he plunges into one of his inspirational speeches.” 

 

Oswald’s face melted into a dreamy smile. “I know. He’s so noble.” 

 

Nygma refrained from rolling his eyes at that remark and continued with his mission of observing the good detective. “Oh,” he muttered, disappointed. 

 

“What? What is it? What?” Oswald all but gasped, wide-eyed. 

 

“He appears to be sneaking out of the back door,” Nygma replied. 

 

Oswald furrowed his brows and finally turned to see for himself. “That can’t be right. Why would he sneak out? He was supposed to at least come and greet me. This makes no sense.” 

 

When Oswald looked back at Nygma, the tall forensic scientist was grinning at him, pleased. “Love makes no sense. Perhaps Gordon’s lack of rationality is exactly the proof we need.” 

 

Oswald inhaled shakily, giving Ed a hopeful smile. “Perhaps you’re right. I-- I dare not hope that he could feel that way about me…” 

 

Edward placed a hand on Oswald’s shoulder. It was a comforting and reassuring gesture for them but to the outside world it could pass as a romantic intimacy. “You’re a great man, Oswald. There’s no reason why he shouldn’t feel that way about you. Other than his girlfriend, of course, but I hear they have problems.” 

 

Oswald nodded, suddenly looking a little sad. “Yes… his girlfriend… She’s really pretty. I met her, you know. Her name’s Barbara Kean, a real delicate flower. A helpless little thing.” 

 

Nygma tilted his head, confused. “Are you upset about hurting Barbara’s feelings? Do you want to abort the mission?” 

 

Penguin was quick to shake his head. “No. No, I-- I’ve been without love for so long, Ed. If there’s any chance of finding that happiness, I’m taking it. No matter what pretty blonde stands in the way.” 

 

Nygma gave Oswald an approving grin. “Good. That’s the spirit.” 

 

Oswald glanced around and sighed. “Jim’s gone. I guess we don’t need to keep up this charade anymore today. Is Miss Kringle around?” 

 

Ed shook his head. “No. Miss Kringle has the day off, as far as I know. But that only gives us a chance to build up suspense. She’ll hear rumors about us before she actually sees us together. That’s good too.” 

 

Oswald agreed with him completely. “In that case, I’ll be off. I’ll return on Thursday?” 

 

“Hmm, actually, would you mind if we leave together? It’ll have a better effect.” 

 

Oswald looked a little puzzled. “What do you mean?” 

 

“You know. It’ll make it look like we’re  _ leaving together _ ,” Edward said and waited for a reaction. 

 

Finally the words clicked inside Oswald’s head and he blushed as he let out a nervous little chuckle and nodded. “Of course. Yes. This sounds like a really good plan. Clever of you, Edward.” 

 

“Well, I am a genius after all.” Edward smirked and headed back to Forensics to get ready for the end of his shift. 

 

~*~ 

 

There were only so many criminals Jim could take out his frustration on. Eventually he had to stop working and go home. Only, he didn’t want to go home that night. He didn’t want to face Barbara when he was like this. He didn’t want to upset her with his inexplicably bad mood. What he needed was to get into a fight. To get that anger out of his system somehow. What he needed was oblivion. The closest thing to that was alcohol so Jim went to a pub and drank until long after midnight. One of the last images he remembered before passing out were Oswald’s eyes, sparkling happily when he looked at Edward Nygma. 

 

~*~ 

 

“Do you think it’s working at all? Perhaps it’s just a stupid idea and we’re wasting our time,” Oswald said with a sigh. 

 

Edward had asked him over for dinner to discuss strategies for next week so now they were enjoying their Thai takeout together. It was becoming a tradition of sorts to spend the evenings in Edward’s flat, talking about stuff. It was not always about Gordon or Miss Kringle, sometimes it was just other things that they both found interesting. Penguin was nice company and Ed believed his feelings of friendship were being reciprocated. 

 

“I think it’s working well,” Edward replied, grinning as he played drums with his chopsticks. “Jim Gordon looked very frustrated the entire week. And Miss Kringle… well, she keeps asking about you,” he smirked. “It’s rather fun. I’m basking in her attention.” 

 

Oswald was still not convinced. “Well, I’m glad your Miss Kringle seems to believe this whole thing but I doubt Jim does. I don’t think he’s jealous. If he’s angry it must be something else that’s irritating him. It could not have anything to do with me.”

 

Edward leaned in, eyes fixed on Oswald. A small clever smile appeared on his face, “Trust me, Oswald. That wasn’t his usual self-righteous anger. It was plain old jealousy.” 

 

Ed’s new friend became flustered. Wasn’t it amazing that Ed actually had a friend? 

 

“I dare not hope,” Oswald said. 

 

Edward gave him a careful evaluation. “You’re not so bad. You can definitely hope,” he said once his verdict was ready. “The only thing standing in your way with Jim Gordon would be the law. Jim is very keen on the law. And you’re officially a criminal. That would be a challenge for a future relationship. But I’m sure you two would find a way to work it out.” 

 

“And his girlfriend,” Oswald reminded. 

 

“I heard him complain to Harvey the other day that he’s not sure if their relationship is going to last. But even if they pull through as a couple, you could always get rid of her.” 

 

Oswald’s eyes went wide. “I couldn’t! What if Jim finds out?” 

 

Ed shrugged. “Then don’t. Anyway, I don’t think she’d be an issue. I think she might leave him soon. And he seems too jealous to care,” he shook these thoughts off and smiled at Oswald instead. “Now. How about we leave all this stressful business behind for awhile and sing together?” 

 

Oswald’s face brightened. “Sounds good to me.” 

 

Edward went to the piano and played a few cords. Oswald pushed his chair closer and the two enjoyed a lovely musical evening together. 

 

~*~  

 

Barbara was looking at him strangely, with suspicion. He wasn’t sure why. He hadn’t done anything wrong, had he? The last month had been quite tense for them both. It put a lot of strain on their relationship and Jim wasn’t sure what was on Barbara’s mind anymore. 

 

“What?” He finally broke the tense silence, unable to take her judgemental gaze any longer. 

 

“Nothing.” Barbara shrugged but the weird look on her face remained.

 

“I got held up at work…” He felt like he had to explain. He’d used that same excuse the entire week. Perhaps it was time he came up with a new one. 

 

Barbara’s eyebrow twitched a little but other than that she remained perfectly calm. “You’ve been drinking,” she noted.

 

“Just a little bit,” Jim admitted. And then a bit more, and a bit more, and a bit-- He cleared his throat. “Tricky cases. I needed to cool off. It’s been a tough week.”

 

“Mhm,” Barbara hummed. 

 

“It was just a little drink on my way home. Harvey was with me.” 

 

“Okay.” 

 

“Why are you looking at me like that? What did I do?” Jim demanded. He couldn’t deal with guilt on top of everything else. He really did have a stressful week. Oswald’s new relationship with Nygma had nothing to do with it. No matter how frustrating it was. But if Barbara was unhappy with him for some reason, she’d better say so now so that he’d be able to apologize and have this over with. No need for drama. “Well?” 

 

Barbara tilted her head, putting away the magazine in her hands and giving Jim her full attention. “I don’t know. What  _ did  _ you do?” 

 

For some reason Jim felt as if he were being interrogated. It made him feel uneasy, as if he had something to prove. 

 

“Barbara, please,” he sighed. “I’m really tired. I had a long day.”

 

“That’s not it. You’ve had long days before but never like this. You’ve been acting weird all week. Something’s happened,” she deduced. “Is it that whole thing with Don Falcone? Did things get worse?”

 

Jim sucked in a sharp breath and shook his head. “No. That’s all fine for now.” He really didn’t want to worry Barbara, or get her involved in this mess.

 

Barbara shifted in her seat, leaning forward to look at her Jim closely. “You know you can trust me, right? I’m here for you. I want to make this work. And I want to help.”

 

“I know. And I appreciate it. But there’s nothing. Really.” He closed his eyes, needing to shut the world out for a moment.

 

Unfortunately, there was no escaping the noise in his head. In the past Barbara had always been there for him, always ready to listen. Jim wanted to go back to those times. Things were less complicated between them back then. It seemed like Barbara wanted to go back too since she was now offering him a way to work this out. She didn’t deserve to be rejected for it. 

 

“It’s Penguin,” he finally said. “He’s in a relationship with our Forensics guy. The two are practically glued together since they made it public. Always cooing to one another and giggling at something like a pair of school boys. It’s disgusting.” 

 

Barbara shifted closer to him and wrapped an arm around him. Jim relaxed on her shoulder, feeling more at ease when she was embracing him and he could avoid her inquisitive gaze. 

 

“Why are you so bothered by it? Because they’re both guys?” Barbara asked carefully. 

 

“What? No!” Jim groaned. “I’m not homophobic. I’m worried.” 

 

“Why?” 

 

“Well, it’s Penguin! And Nygma works for us. Penguin might be using the poor guy.” 

 

“Oh.” 

 

“Yeah. That’s exactly what’s bothering me about their relationship. Penguin’s good at pretending. And he does that so convincingly. Looks at you with his sparkling blue eyes like you mean the world to him but in fact it’s all just a game to him.” 

 

Barbara gently stroking his hair in an attempt to calm him down but instead of feeling relaxed, Jim only felt more frustrated at the memory of Oswald and Nygma together. 

 

“I’m sure this Nygma person can look after himself,” Barbara said. “He works at the GCPD, after all. He knows who Penguin is.” 

 

“He thinks he knows him but he doesn't,” Jim insisted. “And he’s this nerdy riddle guy who’s creepily polite and smiles at everyone. It’s weird. He’s a nice guy, naive. Penguin is probably leading him on just to gather information or something.” 

 

“Maybe Penguin really likes him. If he’s so nice.” 

 

Jim snorted at Barbara’s suggestion. “There’s nothing to like about Nygma. No way Penguin’s into that. He must be using him, that’s the only logical explanation. And if so, the GCPD is endangered. That’s why I’m so mad at their relationship.” 

 

Barbara nodded. “I understand. But you worry too much.” 

 

Jim sighed. He really did worry too much. This week alone he’d had a dozen cases to work on, Don Falcone’s plans to consider, and a few ideas about improving the GCPD. Instead, he spent most of his time getting angry about Oswald and Nygma’s relationship. It was insane! 

 

“I can’t leave it like this. I have to talk to him.” 

 

“To Nygma?” 

 

“No. Penguin,” Jim said, voice hoarse with determination. 

 

“If you feel warning him not to hurt Nygma would ease your mind, then sure,” Barbara said. 

 

Jim sighed. He wasn't sure if that would ease his mind. He wasn’t sure if that was even what he wanted to tell Oswald. All he knew was that he couldn’t go on like this and he had to put an end to it somehow. 

 

~*~ 

 

Jim found Oswald at his club, sitting at the bar and going through his books, lost in thought. When Jim showed up he straightened up, a pleasant smile appearing on his face. The club was not open yet and Oswald had apparently allowed his men to take a break or something because there was no one else around. 

 

“Jim!” Oswald beamed at him the moment he saw the detective. “To what do I owe this pleasure?” 

 

The look on Oswald’s face only frustrated Jim further. It was the same look he had given him a hundred times before, his face brightening up as if Jim hung the moon. But it was all a pretense. Oswald didn’t really care about Jim. Oswald perhaps didn’t care about anyone. He just used people, leading them to believe he was smitten with them to confuse them, to make them wonder… 

 

“Cut the crap, Cobblepot,” Jim said with feeling. “I know what you’re up to.” 

 

Oswald frowned in confusion. “I’m not sure I understand what you mean, Jim.” 

 

“You and Nygma. I know what you’re doing,” Jim said. 

 

Cobblepot actually  _ blushed  _ at this remark. “You do?” he asked, suddenly looking quite sheepish. 

 

“Yes.” 

 

Cobblepot flustered even more, avoiding Jim’s gaze. “I-- I was just--” 

 

“You’re using him,” Jim barked. “You’re using Nygma’s naive nature to have an inside man at the GCPD.” 

 

Oswald looked up at him once again, eyes ablaze. “What?” 

 

“Don’t deny it!” 

 

“How dare you say such a thing? You actually think I’d use someone’s romantic feelings  like that!?” 

 

“Nothing surprises me from your kind.” 

 

“ _ My kind _ !?” Oswald swallowed, lips pursed into a tight line. “I knew you weren’t too fond of me, James, but I really thought we could be friends.” 

 

“So you get a second inside man at the GCPD? Is that what you were trying to do with me, batting your eyes and smiling bashfully?” Jim barked. “Using me like you use everybody!” 

 

“If anybody’s using anyone here, it’s  _ you _ !” Oswald cried out. His eyes were glistening as if there were tears there… but Jim was certain he was imagining it. “ _ You’re _ the one who always comes here asking for favors. Then you kick me like a homeless dog! Not anymore, Jim! Don’t expect any more favors from me!” 

 

“Just don’t hurt Nygma’s feelings, okay? That’s what I came to tell you.” 

 

“Don’t worry. Ed’s feelings are  _ just  _ fine,” Oswald said bitingly. “I’m taking good care of him.” 

 

Jim felt a sharp sting in his chest. He remembered the initial blush on Oswald’s face when Jim first said he knew what he was up to with Nygma. His treacherous mind wondered for a second if Oswald had thought Jim knew about something he and Nygma did… in bed. The mere thought enraged him all over again and he clenched his fists in Oswald’s lapel, roughly pulling the shorter man closer to himself, almost invading his personal space.  

 

“Don’t come to the GCPD anymore, Oswald,” he growled, stressing each word. “You don’t need to flaunt your little relationship with Edward. It’s pathetic and disgusting, and no one wants to see that.” 

 

He let Cobblepot go as if he were dirt under his shoe, and strode outside. 

 

When the fresh air hit him he frowned, going through their conversation again in his mind. What was that all about? Why did he suddenly become so angry? Why did he say all those things to Oswald? Why did he have to call him pathetic and disgusting when he didn’t really think any of that? It was unfair. It was cruel. It was also out of his control. What was happening to Jim? Why were his feelings driving him so wild? 

 

~*~

 

There was a knock on Edward’s door. When he opened it he saw Oswald standing there. His shoulders were slumped, his face red with tears, he looked a mess. “Oh, Ed!” he sobbed. “Jim hates me. He said such horrible things!” 

 

Without thinking about it Oswald threw his arms around Ed’s shoulders and began to cry. 

 

“Shhh, it’s alright. I’m here,” Edward whispered with a heavy heart. 

 

Oswald was clinging onto him desperately, his sobs muffled by the fabric of Edward’s sweater. “He was so cruel, so angry.” 

 

“Come inside and tell me everything,” Ed said, leading his friend over the threshold and closing the door behind them. 


	3. There's That Look In Your Eyes

He hated Jim Gordon. He despised him with a passion. No human language offered words strong enough to convey exactly how much he despised Jim Gordon. It was sad, really, because only a few weeks ago Edward could swear Jim was the nicest person in the GCPD. Now he had nothing but contempt left for him.

 

Oswald asked him not to do anything about it. After he stopped sobbing and managed to calm down enough to talk, that is. Oswald was a mess when he showed up at Ed’s door. It broke Ed’s heart seeing him like that. The Penguin, the man Edward admired so very much, brought to tears like a small child. And to think James Gordon did this to him… A newfound and impressively strong anger filled Edward’s heart. He wanted to  _ do  _ something about it. He wanted to  _ make Jim Gordon regret  _ what he said to Oswald. As Penguin’s boyfriend in everyone else’s eyes, didn’t he have the right to take this fight up with Gordon and break Gordon’s nose? Punch him in that smug face of his? Surely that was permitted under the circumstances. Jim Gordon behaved like scum so he deserved to be treated as such. Instead he was paraded around at the GCPD like a golden boy while Oswald was still in Edward’s bed, exhausted from all the crying the night before, eyes red and swollen, hands probably still shaking. Penguin was heartbroken last night. Edward had cradled him to sleep in the wee hours of the morning after a night of nervous sobbing. Edward realized he would do a lot more for Oswald. He wanted to take care of him, make people stop hurting him. Oswald was his only real friend. Being there for one another was what true friends did. 

 

He wasn’t going to do anything, he was going to listen to Oswald and let it go. Or perhaps just have a strong word with the detective. However, the moment Gordon showed up at work, the moment Edward saw his face, he lost it. 

 

“Detective Gordon?” he said, approaching him. 

 

Gordon turned around. “Yes?” 

 

A hard punch met Jim’s face, almost knocking him down. 

 

“What the hell, Nygma!?” Harvey Bullock gasped, nearly dropping his hotdog. He was about to return the punch but Gordon grabbed him by the jacket and stopped him. 

 

“No, don’t,” Jim said, adjusting his jaw as a thin streak of blood slid down his broken nose. “Leave him be. I-- I deserved that.” 

 

Harvey was confused but Jim offered no further explanations. Edward didn’t wait for them to talk. He strode off to the Forensics lab before either one of them could speak to him. 

 

~*~ 

 

“But I don’t understand, Mr. Nygma. Why are they suspending you? And for how long?” Miss Kringle asked, puzzled. She was holding a file close to her chest protectively, her big eyes wide with wonderment. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Edward Nygma, the weird riddle guy who loved his job so much and left peculiar little puzzle gifts for her, getting suspended? How was that even possible? 

 

“I hit a cop. I had to be suspended,” Nygma explained. He sounded strangely detached as he said it, hands mechanically arranging his stuff in a box. 

 

“For how long?” Miss Kringle asked. 

 

Edward gave her a dark look. “Don’t tell me you’d miss me. Or that you even care.” 

 

She was startled by that. He had never spoken to her like this. “Well, I would. Miss you, that is. And why would I not care?” 

 

“Because you continuously called me creepy and weird?” 

 

She made a sound that resembled a sigh but only pursed her lips. “You don’t know me, Mr. Nygma. You can’t tell if I’d miss you or not.” 

 

Edward did not grace her with a reply. She bit her lower lip, curious and yet not sure if she should ask. “Why did you hit Detective Gordon?” She finally uttered. 

 

“So they talked about it at the GCPD.” How else would she know Gordon was the one he hit. Unless she was there when he did, which she wasn't. 

 

“They talk but no one knows for sure why you did it. Why did you?” She tilted her head and took another step towards Ed. 

 

As if by instinct Ed took a step back, putting distance between them. “I hit him because-- because he hurt someone I care for deeply.” 

 

Miss Kringle held her breath. “Was it… was it your… Was it Mr. Cobblepot?” 

 

Edward nodded. 

 

“Oh,” she breathed. “Well, Mr. Nygma, I’d like to say one thing to you.” 

 

He looked at her with suspicion. Was she honestly going to scold him for what he did? It was bad enough that he had to face Oswald when he got home, now her too? 

 

Miss Kringle inhaled deeply and then announced, “I think what you did was very brave and honorable. I think your boyfriend Mr. Cobblepot is a very lucky man. I think you’re a real gentleman to be so thoughtful of your loved one’s feelings. And I wish you and Mr. Cobblepot a lot of happiness.” 

 

Edward blinked at her surprised, mouth agape. He had not expected that. Coming from Miss Kringle this was definitely a huge deal for him. Or… at least it ought to be… Things were confusing in his head right now. The adrenaline from punching Jim Gordon and from getting suspended was still rushing through his system, making him a little dizzy. 

 

“Thank you, Miss Kringle,” he finally managed to say. 

 

She put a gentle hand on his arm and smiled at him. It felt honest and from the heart. It was a real smile without a trace of sarcasm or disgust on her face. Perhaps Edward had more friends than he thought. 

 

~*~ 

 

“Care to explain why you defended Nygma before the Captain after he broke your freaking nose?” Harvey barked at Jim. 

 

Jim suppressed an eye roll and settled on an exasperated sigh instead. “It’s personal, Harvey. And I had it coming.” 

 

“I don’t get it. What did you ever do to Nygma? If anything, he owes you. You’re the one guy at this department who’s actually nice to him.” 

 

“He doesn't  _ owe  _ me because I’m  _ nice _ . It shouldn’t be  _ that  _ hard to restrain yourselves from actively bullying Nygma,” Jim said annoyed. “I didn’t do anything to him. But I did something else. I said things I shouldn’t have and I deserved that punch.” 

 

Harvey gave it some thought and then nodded, understanding dawning on him. “Penguin?” 

 

Jim hummed. 

 

“What did you do?” 

 

“I was an ass.” Jim exhaled loudly, rubbing at his temples as if willing away a headache. 

 

“Hmm. Nygma defended his guy,” Harvey said thoughtfully. “I didn’t think the scrawny weirdo had it in him.” 

 

“He didn’t deserve to be suspended for that. I tried telling the Captain. Edward loves his job and he’s really good at it. We need him here at the GCPD.” 

 

“Well, at least now that he’s suspended for an indefinite period of time we know Cobblepot can’t get inside information from him.” 

 

Jim frowned. 

 

“Poor riddle guy.” Harvey shook his head. “He’ll probably get dumped for not being useful anymore.” 

 

Jim’s frown deepened. “I don’t think Penguin’s using him.” 

 

“But you said--” 

 

“I was wrong. What they have seems real. I was just too mad to see it.” 

 

Harvey was even more confused now. “Why were you so mad then? I don't get it.” 

 

Jim ignored the question. He couldn’t answer that now. He had a lot of things to figure out for himself first. And he had a broken nose to take care of. 

 

~*~

 

“You got… fired?” Oswald repeated. As expected, he was still in Edward’s bed, dressed in the pajamas Edward had left for him before going to work. His eyes were less red and swollen than before but the traces of crying were still visible on his face. 

 

“Not fired,” Edward corrected. “Suspended. For an indefinite period of time.” 

 

“But why, Ed?” Oswald looked really worried. “Is it because of me? Because they know of your connection to me? I made sure there’s nothing on you but if they want to hurt you because of me…” Edward could see Oswald’s mind working frantically, looking for solutions. Who to talk to, which pressure points to press in order to fix this for Ed. It was sweet. 

 

Edward placed a hand on top of Penguin’s to bring him back to reality. “Oswald, it’s not because of you,” he said. “I did this. I screwed up. But it’s fine.” 

 

“How is it fine? You love your job!” Oswald gasped. “I can fix this. I can talk to them. I can get them to take you back. They’ll forget all this nonsense.” 

 

“You don’t have to do that.” 

 

“Ed, I want to. After what you did for me--” 

 

“I didn’t do anything. We’re friends, Oswald. I’d gladly be a shoulder for you to cry on when you need to. You don’t owe me anything for that.” 

 

Oswald looked like he was about to cry again. Edward could see the tears in his eyes and he noticed the great effort Oswald was putting into not crying again. He was an emotional man, though. No matter how hard he tried to appear heartless, Oswald Cobblepot had a heart. And it was a beautiful heart. Edward decided to make this easier on his friend and pulled him into a tight embrace. It took Oswald by surprise. He remained stiff and confused in Ed’s arms, until finally he wrapped his own arms around Edward and hugged him tightly in return. 

 

~*~

 

They didn’t discuss the GCPD and the suspension anymore. Edward didn’t want to talk about it and Oswald respected that. It was probably a painful subject. A part of Oswald was very curious what happened to get Edward, of all people, suspended from work. He could easily check with his other sources at the GCPD and find out, however, it felt wrong, like a violation of Ed’s privacy. Ed would talk about it when he felt ready. It was probably something insanely ridiculous, like the stupid Captain reaching the end of her riddle tolerance. 

 

“I didn’t annoy them with riddles, by the way,” Edward said, pulling Oswald out of his thoughts. They were having breakfast together, Oswald not wanting to leave Edward alone at a time like this so he spent another night at Nygma’s place. “I could tell that’s what you were thinking,” Ed elaborated, smirking just a little at the surprise on Oswald’s face. 

 

“Well, what else was I supposed to think?” Oswald shrugged. “You’re hardly a troublemaker. What reason could they possibly find if it wasn’t me?” 

 

“Well, it wasn't the riddles,” he said, shaking his head. 

 

“You’re so mysterious,” Oswald chuckled. “Perhaps you could make up a riddle for it and I’ll try to solve it to find out what you did.” 

 

Edward’s lips quirked up into a little smirk. “Tempting offer,” he admitted. “But no.” 

 

Oswald nodded. “Okay. I understand. I respect your decision not to tell me. We’ll talk about it whenever you want. But just know one thing, if you change your mind, if you decide you want to go back to work, say the word and I’ll go through the right channels to make sure that happens.” 

 

Ed smiled. “I appreciate that. And I’ll keep it in mind.” 

 

“So… any plans? Now that you don’t have a job to go to?” Oswald asked curiously. 

 

Edward melted into a grin. “I’m sure I can keep myself busy.” 

 

~*~

 

Surprisingly, Edward had a guest. Well, not exactly a guest, more like a phone call that would eventually turn into a guest. Kristen Kringle. She called him, asking if it’d be alright to meet with him for brunch. Kristen wanted to have brunch with him! Edward was confused why all the sudden Kristen would want to see him when until now she spent most of her days doing her best to avoid him. Could it be that their plan was working? Miss Kringle’s behavior towards him changed after she learned about Edward’s relationship with Penguin. Perhaps she was slowly beginning to realize her feelings for her colleague? Perhaps she wished she could still have a chance with him? 

 

Edward readily accepted Miss Kringle’s invitation. He could hardly wait to hang up on her so that he could call Oswald and tell him the good news! How pleased Oswald would be to learn that at least this was going well in Edward’s life. Oswald was such an amazing friend to Edward. And the two of them together made an amazing and unstoppable duo. 

 

~*~ 

 

Oswald was at his club when he received an unexpected and unwanted visitor. 

 

“Detective Gordon,” he greeted Jim coldly, not smiling this time. “Why are you here?” 

 

“We need to talk,” Jim announced, looking serious and businesslike. 

 

“Well, I’m afraid now is not the right time. You see, I’m very busy.” That said Oswald tried to walk past Jim but the policeman quickly grabbed his arms, tightly wrapping his fingers around it, holding him close. “Let go of me at once,” Oswald said through gritted teeth. 

 

“I know you don’t want to talk to me, Oswald, but this is important.” 

 

“I told you I’m not doing any favors for you anymore, detective,” Oswald said, lips pursed, cheeks heating up with anger. “Now let me go and leave. Or need I call Butch?” 

 

“I came to apologize, okay?” Jim said, releasing his hold on Oswald. His face mellowed out a bit. “I was an asshole and I’m sorry.” 

 

Oswald took a few steps back to put more distance between them and straightened his suit. “You often behave this way with me but you’ve never apologized before. What makes this time so different?” 

 

“I really regret it this time,” Jim said earnestly. 

 

Oswald sneered. “Wow. Quite the poet, aren’t you?” 

Jim looked like a scorned puppy. He even had a bandaid on his bruised nose (Who knows how that happened? The man was a magnet for trouble). Oswald was afraid he was too close to forgiving James Gordon again and he didn’t want to forgive so quickly or this easily. He had to be strong and make Gordon beg. Instead, when Jim looked at him like this, all Oswald wanted was to curl into the detective’s arms and do anything he asked of him. It was pathetic. The thought made him even angrier, this time at himself. 

 

“I don’t have time for this. I’m leaving,” he said, walking past Jim. 

 

“And I’m sorry about Nygma too,” Jim called after him. 

 

Oswald stopped in his tracks. “What?” 

 

“About his suspension. I tried talking to the Captain, I tried explaining it wasn’t Nygma’s fault, that I deserved it, but it didn’t help. I’m sorry.” 

 

Oswald slowly turned around. “You deserved it?” 

 

Jim gestured at his nose and Oswald’s eyes went wide. “Ed punched you?” He breathed. 

 

“You didn’t know?” Jim asked, confusion settling on his face. 

 

“I-- I did! Of course, I did. I know everything.” Oswald waved it off, trying to act casual. But he realized he failed to mask his surprise in time and Jim was onto him. “I knew he got suspended,” he admitted, “I just didn’t think-- Ed punched you.” 

 

“He broke my nose. For you. So. He must really love you.” 

 

Was it sadness that Oswald detected in Jim’s voice? Regret perhaps? Why? 

 

“He does love me. Very much.” Oswald nodded absentmindedly. 

 

“You’re a lucky guy,” Jim said and headed to the exit. 

 

“Jim!” Oswald called after him, heart thumping. Jim had almost reached the door but he turned around, waiting for Oswald to ask his question. “Is there-- something else you’d like to tell me?” 

 

He hated how shaky his voice suddenly sounded. How unsure. He wondered what he’d do if right this instant Jim walked towards him with a confident stride and crashed their lips together into a bruising kiss. What would Oswald’s reaction be if Jim said he wanted Oswald for himself. He didn’t dwell on these thoughts for long, looking at Jim expectantly instead. 

 

Jim only shook his head with a small shrug. “What is there to say?” 

 

Oswald deflated, not sure if he was disappointed or indifferent with this answer. Something was different, something had shifted somehow. But it was too delicate for Oswald to actually pinpoint or understand it yet. 

 

Jim left. Oswald stayed late at the club, throwing all his energy into planning his rise as King of Gotham. 

 

~*~

 

“Oswald, I have fantastic news!” Edward all but screamed into the phone excitedly. 

 

“You broke Jim Gordon’s nose?” Oswald asked, sounding unimpressed. 

 

“We’ll talk when you get back home,” Edward quickly stammered and hung up. He stared at the phone for a few moments, biting nervously at his lower lip. So the cat was out of the bag. And Oswald didn’t sound too happy about it. Perhaps Edward should prepare something nice for him? A lovely dinner maybe? To placate him with food and explain to him that breaking Jim Gordon’s nose wasn’t really that big a deal. However, Oswald returned to the flat sooner than Ed expected. He looked very grumpy and Edward sighed internally, realizing this conversation wouldn’t be easy. 

 

“You punched James Gordon,” Oswald said. “That’s why you got suspended.” 

 

“I did. In the face. I broke his nose,” Edward admitted. 

 

“I told you not to,” Oswald continued. 

 

“It wasn’t exactly a conscious decision,” he adjusted his glasses as he spoke. 

 

“Not a conscious… Edward, you  _ punched  _ him,” Oswald finally let his frustration show. “You’re not the type of person who fights with fists! If anything I was worried you’d come up with some elaborate plan to get him in jail or something. Something they couldn’t trace back to you. But  _ punch  _ him?” 

 

“As I said, not exactly a conscious decision,” Edward repeated, speaking fast and low. “His face was there and my fist just sort of--,” he waved his hand about as if to illustrate how he had punched Jim. 

 

Oswald seemed even more furious. It stung. 

 

“I did it for you, Oswald,” he said. “I did it because I was mad at him and you’re still defending him!” 

 

“I’m not defending him, Edward, I’m angry because you got yourself suspended because of me!” 

 

“He shouldn’t have said all those things to you. It was unfair,” Edward reasoned. 

 

Oswald seemed like he was about to throw a tantrum. “Yes! Yes, he was wrong to do that. Yes, I got hurt. But, Edward, you love your job! You didn’t need to lose that to protect me.” 

 

“I didn’t lose it, I got--” 

 

“Suspended, I know. Well, it’s practically the same thing, isn’t it? You can’t do what you love because of this. I never asked that sacrifice of you! You’re my only friend and now I came into your life and I ruined it.” 

 

Edward’s eyes went wide. “Don’t say that! You didn’t ruin anything! Oswald, I’m glad we’re friends! And I’d do anything for you, anything!” 

 

“But I never asked you for this,” Oswald said bitterly. 

 

“You didn’t have to,” Edward replied earnestly. He took a step closer to Oswald and took his hand. “We’re special, you and I. Aren’t we?” 

 

Oswald nodded. Edward felt a pleasant wave of warmth when he noticed there was no hesitation at all in Oswald’s quick answer. 

 

“Then don’t feel bad about this. I don’t regret it,” he assured Oswald with a smile. A moment ago he wasn’t sure if it was the right time to tell Oswald this but now? They could both use some good news. “Besides, something good came out of it all.” 

 

“Oh?” 

 

“Our plan is working.” Edward grinned. “Miss Kringle called. She wants to have brunch with me!” 

 

“Edward! That is-- that is great,” Oswald said, a bit stiff but still heartfelt. He gave Edward’s bicep a little friendly tap. “I’m so happy for you.” 

 

“I know! It’s amazing! At first I wasn’t sure why she would want that but now I’m beginning to wonder… does she have feelings for me after all?” 

 

Oswald was listening to Edward’s excited blabber with a soft smile on his face. He didn’t say anything other than  _ ‘That’s great’  _ and  _ ‘I’m happy for you’ _ . And Edward didn’t think to wonder why his friend suddenly looked so tired and worn out.  


	4. Flirt a Little Maybe

Ed tilted his head at the open doors of his closet. “So what do you think I should wear?” 

 

“You can never go wrong with an elegant three piece suit,” Oswald replied. 

 

Ed sighed. “I don’t really own one. Besides, isn’t it too much?”  

 

“It’s  _ never  _ too much,” Oswald chuckled, then eyeing Edward head to toe he added, “I’d give you one of my suits but I doubt any of them would fit you. You’re like a tall giraffe.” 

 

Ed grinned. “I’ll take that as a compliment.” 

 

“That’s what it was meant as.” Oswald smiled fondly. 

 

Ed returned his attention to his wardrobe with another desperate sigh. “I never thought I of all people would be concerned about that sort of thing. But here I am now, a mess, panicking over what to wear,” he let out a little nervous laughter and ran his hand over the back of his head. “Then again, I never expected Kristen to even want to have coffee with me, let alone a whole brunch. Not that I’m complaining...” 

 

“Let me.” Oswald said, burying himself head first into Edward’s closet and going through his outfits to pick the perfect one. 

 

“Thank you, Oswald. I appreciate your help,” Ed said meaning it. Oswald only hummed in reply to his friend’s words. “Brunch is a serious commitment after all, isn’t it?” Ed continued, thoughtfully. “You could cut coffee short but you can’t just screw with brunch.” When once again no reply followed, Ed added, “Isn’t that right, Oswald?” 

 

“Yes, sure, Ed,” Oswald mumbled from inside the closet. His voice sounded a little exasperated, like he didn’t really want to talk about this. Ed felt the tension but couldn’t guess the reason for the sudden change. Oswald seemed to be in a good mood when Ed called him to come over. Perhaps Ed did something wrong since then? He hoped not because Oswald was his best friend and Ed didn’t want to ruin that with his insecurities about clothing! He had zero experience with friendships so he wasn’t sure when to draw the line, but he assumed asking fashion tips was appropriate between friends. He’d seen it happen in chick flicks countless of times. Yet, Oswald was a criminal, not a rom-com sidekick. Perhaps calling for emergency fashion advice was not something he could do with Oswald? Penguin most likely had other priorities. Ed never took that into consideration until this very moment. He cleared his throat. 

 

“Look, Oswald, if-- if you have something else to do, you don’t have to stay here and help me with clothes,” Ed said. He hoped the damage was not too big yet and he could still save their friendship. 

 

Oswald pulled his head out of the closet. “What? No, no. It’s perfectly fine. I appreciate elegance. And I’m glad you called me to help. I just need to find the right combination… and you’ll be very elegant, Edward.” Oswald’s smile lingered on his face for a moment before he turned back to the closet with a start. “Here!” he said, pulling a few pieces out of the closet triumphantly. “This should do. Get dressed.” 

 

“Thanks,” Ed said, taking the clothes and waiting for Oswald to give him some privacy. When Oswald just stood there Ed chuckled breathlessly.

 

“Oh!” Oswald gasped with a start. “I ummm, I’ll just--” he jerked his thumb in the direction of the door, “wait outside till you’re done.” 

 

Ed was too amused by the awkward reaction to mind Oswald’s presence. “That’s fine. You can see me in my underwear,” he chuckled and started to undress. 

 

Oswald’s face was suddenly hot and red. He quickly waddled towards the kitchen area of Edward’s small loft. “How does tea sound?” He asked, voice filled with strange energy. Ed wondered what that was about. Was Oswald really that keen on propriety? Surely it was no big deal for them to see one another in their undercrackers. 

 

“Tea sounds good,” Ed said, getting himself into the pair of trousers his friend had prepared for him. He hadn’t worn them in ages and he was pleasantly surprised to find that they still fit him quite well, complimenting the shape of his body. 

 

“And water. I need some water…” Oswald muttered as he worked, more to himself than to Edward. 

 

“Feel yourself at home,” Edward reassured, hoping to put Oswald at ease again. He was always so tense lately whenever they were hanging out. It wasn’t healthy. 

 

When Edward was all dressed and ready he stepped in front of the mirror and had to admit he was in awe by his own reflection. “Wow. Neat choice, Oswald,” he confessed.

 

Oswald approached him from behind, taking in Edward’s reflection with a look of soft admiration. Despite the smile on his face he looked kind of sad. “Mhm,” he hummed his approval. “Lovely.” 

 

Ed frowned. “Is everything alright?” He asked concerned. “You feel odd somehow.”  

 

Penguin cleared his throat, shifting with small twitchy movements. “Everything’s fine. You-- you look dashingly handsome, Edward,” he added with a breathless chuckle. “Just… one last little detail.” Oswald removed the vest of his own suit and put it on Edward. “Turn around.” Edward did so, facing Oswald as the shorter man buttoned the vest with care. “There. Now you’re ready.” 

 

“Are you sure it’s not too small for me?” Edward asked a little awkwardly. “Kristen says my legs and arms are too long. As a joke, of course. I don’t want to look comical…” 

 

“You look perfect,” Oswald assured and turned him around to face the mirror again. 

  
Edward gasped. “I-- I can hardly recognize myself.” 

 

“It’s still you, Ed.” 

 

“Yes but I look…” 

 

“You look gorgeous,” Oswald chuckled. 

 

“Yes!” Edward grinned, prancing in front of the mirror like he’d never done before. “I like it! I  _ love  _ it! Thank you, Oswald! I wouldn’t have done it without you.”  

 

“Oh, please,” Oswald waved it off with a another breathless little chuckle. 

 

“I hope Kristen likes it too,” Ed added, unable to hide the nervousness from his voice. 

 

Oswald swallowed. “Yeah. She probably would. And if she doesn’t, if she hurts you, just keep in mind that as the future King of Gotham it’s within my power to have her killed. Just say the word.” 

 

Edward chuckled amused, “I’ll remember that.”

“Trained professionals, ruthless assassins, you name it. They’re just a phone call away.” Oswald reassured. 

 

Ed grinned even more. He loved Oswald’s weird sense of humor. “I appreciate it, Emperor Penguin. But I doubt it’ll get to that. She’s just--  _ perfect _ . I mean, she’s so beautiful, and I want to be worthy of her, you know,” he tried to explain. “I can’t thank you enough, Oswald. Your friendship means so much to me.” 

 

“Yes, well, it means a lot to me too,” Oswald said a little strained. He cleared his throat. “I-- I’ll be off now. Enjoy your brunch date.” 

 

“I’ll call you afterwards to give you the details,” Edward winked at him. 

 

Oswald’s breath hitched. “Yes. Do that. Goodbye.” 

 

“Bye!” Edward sing-songed then turned around to smile at his reflection. Oswald was right. He really did look dashingly handsome in what Oswald chose for him, and in Oswald’s vest. It didn’t show at all that it was a few sizes too small. He felt more confident too. Perhaps he should try this new style more often. “Kristen Kringle, here I come,” he smiled at his own reflection, feeling like a new man, ready to face the woman of his dreams.  

 

~*~   

 

She was beautiful. Of course she was beautiful. And when she smiled at him in greeting, when she sat next to him at the table by the window, when they ordered together and laughed at how similar their taste was, Edward should’ve felt like the happiest man alive. This brunch date was the highlight of his existence. The best thing to happen to him. A literal dream come true. Kristen was nice to him,  _ really  _ nice to him. She didn’t look at him as if he were a creep, there was no sign of her previous constant uneasiness around him. She was there, with him, heart, soul and body, and it was wonderful. Yet all Edward could think about was how he wanted to share the happiness of finally having Kristen’s attention with Oswald. In a way he couldn’t wait for his date with her to be over so that he could run to Oswald’s club and tell him all about how happy he was that Kristen went out with him. It was a very strange and illogical feeling, Edward concluded while Miss Kringle was telling him some whimsical story about work. He laughed when she was done talking but he missed most of the essence of what she was saying. Was that bad? That was probably bad. He’d been in love with Miss Kringle for  _ sooooo long _ , he used to hung to her every word. He  _ should  _ listen to what she had to say, he had to pay attention… but his mind betrayed him. His mind was wandering in other, very different directions. What was Oswald doing right now? Was he at the club? Probably. Working? Or planning? Or maybe stabbing someone to death? Becoming the King of Gotham like he mentioned earlier? Edward believed in Oswald’s success. Oswald could do anything if he put his mind and heart to it. Oswald had such a strong and passionate heart. Edward was in awe with him. 

 

“Anyway, I’m boring you,” he heard Kristen say a little nervously, pushing her hair behind her ear and looking up at him with a smile. Her eyes looked so big behind her glasses. He remembered how a look like that used to make his heart beat faster for days. Yet, he didn’t feel anything extraordinary now. Huh.  

 

“You’re not boring me,” he remembered to say, a beat too late. 

 

Kristen chuckled and sipped from her coffee. There was a small awkward pause before she continued to speak, “I must admit I behaved pretty badly towards you.” 

 

Edward’s eyes went wide. He nearly gaped at her. “What? No, you’ve never-- I mean, you’re the nicest person at the GCPD,” he reassured. This at least was true. 

 

“It’s really sweet of you to say that but I know I showed a certain… reluctance during our interactions.” 

 

Edward had to admit he had felt that. It had often pained him, driving him to desperation in the past. Now it was just that, past. 

 

“But that’s because you are such a smart man, Edward. And smart people can be peculiar,” she continued, her voice very kind. She smiled again. “People used to say certain things about you, they didn’t understand you. And occasionally I let that get to me. They used to say you were…  _ interested _ … in me. Stalking me, even.” She shook her head with a frown. “But now I know you better. Now I see you as you are. And I like what I see.” 

 

Edward swallowed. Where was she going with this? Was she going to say his feelings were reciprocated? That she liked him back? Were they going to kiss and was she going to become his girlfriend? He used to dream about that but now that it was probably actually happening, Edward wasn’t sure he wanted it anymore. He felt too confused. What was going on? 

 

“I didn’t understand before so I guess that’s why I always felt weird around you. I’m sorry if I made you feel bad.” 

 

“No problemo,” Edward forced himself to say in his usual cheerful manner, even if on the inside he was being torn to shreds by his own raging emotions. 

 

Kristen chuckled again. “So typical of you to forgive me so quickly,” she reached out and took his hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You’ve always been such a sweet, sweet man.” 

 

Edward had to fight the sudden urge to pull his hand away from hers. He felt like he was… cheating. Which was ridiculous because he and Oswald weren’t really… But he felt like they were, in a way. He knew Oswald wouldn’t care if Edward was holding hands with Miss Kringle, that Oswald would actually cheer him on, be happy for him, want him to get together with Kristen. But this wasn’t about Oswald. This was about Edward and what he felt. Holding hands with Miss Kringle felt wrong. He couldn’t tell why but it just felt wrong. 

 

Miss Kringle was still talking and he tried to concentrate on what she was saying. 

 

“The moment I heard about you and Mr. Cobblepot I was filled with such hope!” her eyes were sparkling and bright. “You deserve to be happy and I really wish you all the best with your boyfriend.” 

 

“Oh.” A wave of something washed all over Edward’s being. He didn’t know what that feeling was yet. It resembled relief but it made no sense that he would feel relieved right now. “Thank you,” he said instead of dwelling on it too much. He could analyse his strange emotions later. 

 

Her smile grew warmer. “And now that I know your interest in me was not romantic, I feel like I really misjudged you.” 

 

“Oh,” Ed said again, not sure what else he could say. What was the social protocol here? He had no idea. He didn’t even know what this really was. 

 

“If you still want my friendship, Mr. Nygma…  _ Edward _ … you have it. By all means! I’d be honored.” 

 

Edward was at a loss for words. This brunch went so different from what he had imagined. Yet there was no disappointment in him, no hurt. On instinct, he pushed his chair with a sudden movement and got up only to lean over Miss Kringle and pull her into a friendly hug. 

 

“Oh!” Miss Kringle uttered, puzzled for just a moment before putting her own arms around him and hugging him back. He was holding her a bit too tight and a little too awkward but she chuckled nevertheless, accepting him as he was. “Does this mean we’re friends, Edward?” 

 

“We’re friends!” Edward replied enthusiastically.  

 

Only then did he realize what that feeling filling his chest was. It was joy. This was not what he came here for, but it felt so right. He was glad to be Miss Kringle’s friend. He did not really want anything else anymore. Suddenly them being like this made more sense to him and his mind was finally, at least somewhat, clear. 

 

~*~  

 

Jim exhaled loudly, staring at the entrance of Oswald’s club. He wasn’t too keen on returning to this place after his last conversation with Penguin -- he didn’t expect this meeting to be a very pleasant one either -- but he had no choice. He had to warn Oswald about what he just saw. Oswald deserved to know the truth and act accordingly. 

 

He pushed the door open and slid inside, finding himself face to face with Gabe. “Where do you think you’re going?” the big guy demanded, blocking Jim’s way.

 

“I need to talk to Oswald,” Jim said firmly. “Is he there?” 

 

It was a redundant question. Jim knew very well that Oswald was always at the club at this time of the afternoon, taking advantage of the relative peace and quiet before clients show up and personally making sure everything was perfect for the night. Oswald was a creature of habit and Jim was well familiar with Oswald’s habits. There was no denying that the two of them had a connection, a special relationship. Ever since that day Jim met Oswald for the first time their lives were interconnected, whether Jim liked it or not. And if he had to be completely honest with himself, Jim wasn’t so sure he disliked it anymore. 

 

“He’s not here,” Gabe replied, surprising the detective. 

 

“Are you sure? Usually--” 

 

“I  _ am  _ sure. Now leave,” Gabe cut him off and was about to push him out when Oswald’s voice came from somewhere inside the club. 

 

“Who is it, Gabe?” 

 

Jim arched an eyebrow at Gabe. The big man sighed. “It’s detective Gordon, boss.” 

 

“Well, show him, then, what are you waiting for?” Oswald groaned exasperated. 

 

Visibly disappointed, Gabe took a step to the side, allowing Jim to walk past him. “Be careful,” he warned quietly. “The boss is grumpy today.” 

 

Jim thought the whole exchange was odd but didn’t have time to pay too much attention to it. As he entered the club he found Oswald alone in near darkness, sitting on one of the barstools with a drink in his hand. He not only looked grumpy but depressed as well and Jim couldn’t help feeling bad about it. Maybe Jim was too late? Maybe Penguin already knew…?

 

“Hey, Oswald,” Jim greeted, taking a step closer to the other man. “You got a minute?” 

 

“I’ve got 20, detective Gordon,” Oswald shrugged, finishing his glass in one big gulp. “In fact, I have all the time in the world.” He turned around in his chair and gave Jim a bitter half-chuckle. “What do you want, James Gordon?” 

 

“I know I’m probably the last person you want to see but there’s something I have to tell you.”

 

“Well, I  _ am  _ listening, you know. You can just say it without the preamble,” Oswald rolled his eyes. Everything about him seemed wrong somehow. He was too tired, too passive. Oswald reached for another bottle. “It’s not like you to beat around the bush, James. Usually you’re so…  _ forward _ .”  

 

Jim felt his throat closing a little. “This is different. It’s… personal. And rather delicate. It’s not easy.”  

 

“It never is with you,” Oswald muttered, pouring himself another drink. “And you’re hardly ever delicate with me. Quite the opposite, in fact. You’re usually rough, and… and hurtful, unkind... I shouldn’t be surprised though.” 

 

Jim furrowed his eyebrows. “Are you drunk, Oswald?” 

 

Oswald ignored the question and continued with his little speech. “You’ve caused me pain since the moment I met you,” he said, clumsily sliding off his barstool. “I knew you’d do me good too and you have, but, God, you’ve hurt me so much, Jim.” Another bitter half-chuckle and then a head shake. “Yet despite all the roughness, despite everything, you’re still the one person that’s been nicer to me than anyone else in Gotham ever was. Or ever will be. If we don’t count my mother, of course. She’s always been a saint.” 

 

Jim sighed. “Oswald, I’m not here to--” 

 

“Right! You’re never here for me! Never here just to talk! Always here on business. It’s always work, work, work with you. Always here for a  _ favor _ !” Oswald threw his hands in the air and laughed almost hysterically. “So what is it this time, Jim? What can I do for you this time?” 

 

Jim was taken aback. He never expected to find Oswald in this state. He’d seen the gangster in many different lights but never like this. He wasn’t sure what to do with Penguin now. 

 

“Well? What will it be this time?” Oswald urged, waddling a few steps closer to Jim, chin up, eyes defiant. He looked strangely majestic at that moment, despite the alcohol Jim could literally smell on him from this distance. 

 

Something snapped inside the detective and in a moment of insane lunacy he grabbed Penguin by the lapels of the elegant suit he was wearing and crushed their mouths together. The kiss -- if one could even call it that -- lacked finesse. It was brutal, needy, hungry, desperate. It was madness but it was Jim’s madness, not Oswald’s. Oswald wasn’t kissing back. He just stood there, frozen, eyes open, lips frigid under Jim’s. His hands were hanging in the air, unmoving, as if he were unsure what to do with them, as if he didn’t want to touch Jim at all but couldn’t make himself push him away either. Jim kept kissing him though. For a short second his inexplicable burst of passion, his strange thirst, found what it needed in Oswald’s lips. But after a moment of being the only participant in that kiss, Jim felt sick with himself. Even in kissing he was too rough on Oswald and the realization repulsed him. Oswald was right about him. He was selfish, so very selfish, when it came to Penguin. What was he even doing? What was he doing to Oswald? What was he doing to  _ Barbara _ ? He had completely forgotten about her! Finally, what was he doing to himself… He let go of Oswald and tried to restore some level of dignity, by straightening his suit and clearing his throat. 

Oswald was still panting, trying to regain his breath, mouth slightly ajar as he stared at Jim in awe. “Well, that was-- It was… Did you just  _ kiss me _ ?” 

 

This whole situation was ridiculous, definitely not what Jim came here for. He had lost control of himself and he hated that. It was now time for damage control. 

 

“Um. Yes. Yes, I did,” Jim admitted. It was pointless to say it wasn’t a kiss when it more than obviously was. What other explanation could there be? He tripped and fell on Oswald’s mouth? “I needed to-- to shut you up,”  _ Real nice safe, Jim. Great damage control.  _

 

A shadow past through Oswald’s face at Jim’s last words. “Of course you did. You always need to shut me up,” he turned his back on the detective and returned to his barstool. “Just go, Jim. I was wrong to let you in today. I can’t play our little game, not now.” 

 

Jim hesitated. “Oswald… Are you sure you’re alright? I’ve never seen you like this.” 

 

“Sure I’m fine.” 

 

“I don’t believe you.” 

 

“I don’t care.” 

 

Jim allowed that. “Fair argument but perhaps if you share with me I might be able to help.” 

 

Oswald gave him a look. “I sincerely doubt it.” 

 

“Does it have to do with Edward?” Jim asked, voice trembling a little. “If so maybe I really could help. You see, that’s what I came here for. I-- I saw Edward with Kristen Kringle. They were--” 

 

“Having brunch? That’s fine. I know. They’re friends. It’s cool.” Oswald allowed. 

 

“They seemed pretty close. I saw them hugging. And Ed looked like he was flirting…” 

 

Oswald laughed. “Ed flirting? I’d like to see that. I imagine it’s hilarious.” 

 

Jim felt even more lost in the conversation. “Oswald, what’s going on between the two of you?” 

 

Oswald slammed his hand on the bar, his now empty glass shaking with the vibrations. “You never showed any interest in me or my life before I started dating Edward. Now suddenly all you ever do is following us around, detailing my and Ed’s social life. Why are you doing this, James? Why?” 

 

“I-- I don’t know…” Jim confessed.  

 

“You don’t know?” Oswald laughed again. There was no mirth in it. “I shouldn’t be surprised at that. You were never good with getting in touch with your feelings.” 

 

Jim got defensive. “Oh, and you have?” 

 

“At least I’m not afraid to show affection!” 

 

“In the rare occasions you’re  _ actually capable  _ of feeling it!” Jim barked back. Once again he lost control over himself. All he knew was that there was hot rage inside him and it demanded to get out. Jim was merely an observer to his own outburst at this point, he couldn't help it. 

 

Oswald looked hurt, even if he did his best to hide it. “If I rarely show my affection, Jim, that’s because life has taught me that no one cares about me!” 

 

“Well, you’re wrong! Someone does care about you!”  

 

Penguin snorted. “Right. Edward. Funny you should say that.” Oswald’s voice did something really weird. Like it was about to break. 

 

Jim shook his head. “No. Not Edward,” he said seriously. His gaze on Oswald was intense, filled with fire. He wasn’t shouting anymore. Instead his voice was charged with strange energy. “I didn’t mean Edward. I meant myself.” 

 

Oswald blinked. “W-what.” 

 

“ _ I _ care about you, Oswald,” Jim heard himself say. “ _ I  _ care about you more than you think.” He was surprised by his own words. His lips were moving on their own accord, speaking things he never expected to admit out loud. As if all this time while he was shoving his feelings in the farthest corners of his heart had finally broke something inside him, causing it all to spill out now. “I know you may not believe it but it’s true. I mean it. I do care about you,” he ran his fingers through his hair, sucking in a deep breath, trying to make sense of this to himself as well as to Oswald. “I cannot explain it. I don’t know why I feel this way. But I do.” He took a step closer to Oswald again, not once breaking eye contact. “I don’t want you to get hurt, Oswald. I hate that I’ve hurt you in the past. I find myself…  _ protective  _ of you. In the strangest ways. I want to keep you safe. And I want you to care about me too. To pay attention to me, not Edward. I want to know you think of me while we’re not together. I want to know I am your center, like you’re mine,” he sighed, realizing what this sounded like. “It must be selfish… it  _ is  _ selfish,” he corrected, “but it’s how I feel. I don’t know why.” 

 

“Er…” Oswald looked very confused. Jim’s weird confession surprised both of them, rendering them speechless. Oswald didn’t know how to react and Jim didn’t know what else to say. All in all, it was an awkward situation, made worse by the fact that Oswald was quite drunk too. What was Jim thinking? Confessing things like that to a drunk Penguin! 

 

“I should go,” Jim finally said, hoping that leaving would bring things back to normal between them. “You obviously need to rest,” he headed for the exit. “And get some aspirin for your head, for later. I imagine it would hurt like hell.” 

 

“Thanks.” Oswald uttered on autopilot. 

 

“I hope Edward appreciates what he has,” Jim said before leaving. “You rarely trust people, I know that better than anyone, so I hope he understands that gaining your trust and affection is a privilege,” he swallowed and added more quietly, “A privilege I’m afraid I’ve lost.” 

 

“You didn’t…” Oswald said hurriedly. When Jim glanced at him he looked so vulnerable, so small. “You-- you still have my trust, Jim.”  

 

A warm feeling spread across Jim’s chest as he heard Oswald’s words.  _ You still have my trust.  _ He nodded. “Thank you, Oswald. And you’re right, by the way. I do have a hard time expressing my feelings. At first I thought that was helpful but turns out it just screws up my life. I’ve spent a lifetime suppressing my feelings, locking them away in a box, trying to appear strong. Now I can’t unlock that box even when I want to.” He needed to say more, open up more, but he just couldn’t, so instead he hoped Oswald, with his incredible insight, understood him without words. “I’m sorry,” he whispered at the end. “About everything.” 

 

He was about to leave when Oswald stopped him. “Jim, wait!” Penguin’s voice was trembling a little but he sounded determined to speak so Jim turned around to see the shorter man limp towards him. “I have something to say to you, too.” 

 

“Yes?” James asked encouragingly. Knowing Oswald’s own trust issues, he imagined opening up in any capacity must be difficult for him too. Just like it was for Jim. 

 

“I lied to you,” Oswald said, tears filling his eyes, threatening to spill down his freckled cheeks. He managed to swallow them back but his voice was weak. “I’m sorry, I’ve been lying to you for some time now.”

 

Jim chuckled softly. “You’re a criminal, Oswald, and we’re in Gotham. I’d be surprised and frankly concerned if you hadn’t lied to me,” he said, attempting to regain some control of the situation, to make it a bit less charged with… whatever this was. 

 

“No, it’s not like that. I lied about something personal,” Oswald swallowed and inhaled deeply. “And I feel like it’s time I tell you.” A small pause and then, “Edward and I never dated. That was all an act. A lie. We were merely pretending.” 

 

Jim furrowed his brows, taking a step back. “I-- don’t understand.”

 

“It’s not real.” Oswald tried to explain. “It seemed like a good idea at the time to appear like we’re a couple but we’re not. And I’m tired of pretending. It’s become too… hurtful.” 

 

Jim was silent, processing the information. 

 

“Jim? S-say something…” Oswald pleaded. 

 

“I-- this is-- you were pretending?” Jim said dumbly. He could act brilliantly in a time of crisis but this wasn’t work. It was private and that made it more difficult for him to handle. 

 

Oswald nodded. “Yes, we were.” 

 

Jim let out a sharp exhale, hands on his hips in his firm policeman stance. “Why did Edward take part in this? Is he working for you?” The truth was he had no idea why he asked that. Perhaps it was easier to act on behalf of the GCPD than to let this reach him on a more personal level. Maybe assuming the face of the law was an easier coping mechanism for him than being Jim Gordon, the confused man who had no idea how to manage his raging feelings. 

 

Oswald snorted at that, wiping at his eyes because the tears were now sliding down his cheeks freely. “He’s not  _ working for me _ . But if you’re worried about his integrity then you have nothing to fear. I made him do it. I forced him into this. He’s not guilty of anything so the GCPD can rest assured their former forensic scientist hasn’t betrayed them. He never gave me any inside information. Unlike many of their cops!” 

 

Jim’s lips were a tight line. “That’s not what I meant.” 

 

“Oh, but it is!” Oswald said bitterly. “You shouldn’t be surprised though. I am a criminal, right? It’s what I do. I threatened to kill him. Forced him into it. What was he supposed to do? He cooperated to survive.” 

 

Something about that admission did not feel right. Jim let his hands drop down by his sides and sighed. “I still don’t get it. The two of you looked so… so  _ in love _ .” 

 

Oswald swallowed and avoided Jim’s gaze instantly. “Well. We are good actors,” he said quietly and something in Jim’s chest broke at that. 

 

“You love him,” Jim whispered, realization dawning at him. “You love Nygma.” 

 

“Jim, please. I’m incapable of--” 

 

“You love Nygma,” Jim repeated, firmer now. There was no question this time, no hesitation. He already knew. 

 

Oswald nodded silently. 

 

“Does he know?” Jim asked. 

 

Oswald shook his head, still not looking at Jim. 

 

“I see…” The detective said. Oswald was still looking away, the tears were still falling down his eyes. Jim took a few steps closer and reached out for the smaller man. Oswald flinched as if expecting Jim to hurt him but instead Gordon only pulled him into his arms, embracing him and stroking his hair. “It’ll be alright,” he whispered and then repeated, “It’ll be alright.” 

 

And even though neither of them truly believed it, it was nice to hear the words. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter turned out slightly longer than usual, and a bit on the dramatic side at the end. Still, I hope you enjoyed it :) However, please comment what you think and if you’d like the story to have a Nygmobblepot or a Gobblepot ending because at this point it could work both ways ;)


	5. Take It Nice and Slow

“I did it for you, y’know.” Oswald said. They were sitting side by side on the floor behind the bar, their backs propped on the back of the bar, eyes cast ahead at all the booze above their heads. The bar was closed for the night, Penguin made sure of that. It was just them with no one to bother them. It was surprisingly cozy considering their shared discussions were usually very heated and often ended with an argument. “That’s how it started, that whole charade,” Oswald chuckled and propped his head so that he could face Jim and look him in the eyes better. “I’ve always had the biggest crush on you, you must’ve noticed. Edward knew that and he hated how your colleagues made fun of me for it all the time.”  

 

Jim’s eyebrows were knitted tightly together at the memories of all the silly remarks and hurtful jokes. “I’m sorry about that,” he said earnestly.

 

“Not your fault. You were always a perfect gentleman,” Oswald smiled.

 

“Not always…” Jim muttered, remembering all the times he’d pushed Oswald around, manhandled or used him. He regretted it now.

 

Oswald ignored the remark. It was water under the bridge. Penguin could be very forgiving when it came to James Gordon. “Anyway,” Oswald continued, “Ed was going to help me make you jealous.”

 

Jim chuckled, a little flustered. “Oh, was that the plan?”

 

“Yes,” Oswald grinned too, nodding amused by the whole situation. “And in return I was to help him get Kristen Kringle’s attention,” his face turned thoughtful and a little sad. “He succeeded in that, apparently. I didn’t really have to do much.”

 

“Well, you succeeded in making me jealous,” Jim confessed with a small smirk, opting to lighten up the mood again. “I couldn’t understand what was bugging me so much but I was extremely angry and frustrated the entire time.”  

 

They both laughed, Oswald lazily resting his head on Jim’s shoulder. Jim did not move, in fact he shifted a little to a more comfortable position.

 

When the laughter died down Oswald sighed. “I’m confused,” he confessed. “I feel… it’s strange. You’re you. You’ll always be so special to me, Jim. But I started feeling something for Ed too over these last weeks and I don’t know if that’s because he’s my first real friend, or because he knows me so well already, or because of all the time we spent together. I still don’t know if what I feel for him is love or… or just a very intense form of friendship. But there’s something. And it’s enough to confuse me.”

 

Jim wrapped his arm tighter around Oswald’s shoulders, pulling him closer possessively. It was a subconscious action on his part, he put no thought into it, just felt the need to do it, to keep Oswald close. As if guided by that same need, Oswald snuggled, touch-starved he basked in Jim’s warmth and affection. They didn’t kiss after that first time earlier. It wasn’t right to succumb to the fresh desire while Oswald was tipsy, if not entirely drunk, and they were both unsure of their own feelings. The wise decision was to wait and talk instead, to take things nice and slow.

 

“Did he look happy?” Oswald asked quietly, almost a whisper. “When you saw him with Kringle yesterday, did he look happy?”

 

Jim hesitated but eventually decided to go with the truth. “He was glowing.”

 

Oswald hummed. “It’s to be expected. He’s been head over heels for her since his first day at the GCPD.”

 

“So I’ve heard.”

 

Oswald sighed. “Jim… do you think we could ever be happy?”

 

Jim furrowed his brows. “You and Edward?”

 

“No. You and me.”

 

Jim’s face did something that made Oswald chuckle. “I didn’t mean it like that. I know we still have a lot of things to figure out first before... becoming an item. I meant us separately. Could we as individuals ever be happy? Or truly content? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Jim, but we’re very much alike, you and I. Not-- not in all respects,” he was quick to add, as if to reassure Jim, “you’re obviously much better than me.”

 

“Oswald--”

 

“No, let me finish, please. We’re not identical but we share the same essence. Like we’re parts of the same whole, two sides of a coin, if you will. We can’t really stand still, can we?”

 

Jim shook his head. “No. No, we can’t,” he agreed.

 

“So is there ever true happiness for people like us? Or do we forever just drift in life like… like leaves?”

 

“I really don’t want to be pessimistic about this, Oswald,” Jim said. “I want to say there’s always a chance but… the truth is, I don’t know. I can’t know for sure, no one can.”

 

Oswald gave it some thought. “Yet, you’re happy with Barbara. If it weren’t for me, confusing you with my own affections--”

 

“Barbara left me,” Jim cut him off before Oswald could start feeling guilty. The news visibly surprised Penguin. “She’s considering leaving Gotham, too.”

 

“Oh,” he uttered softly, “I didn’t know that.”

 

“Yeah, well, we didn’t really advertise it. And there are still some things even you don't know Oswald.” Penguin didn’t even chuckle at Jim’s attempt to lighten the mood, so Jim continued reluctantly. “We tried to make it work. But we’ve had issues for some time now. She doesn’t feel safe in Gotham anymore. Our relationship suffered from that. My work didn’t help either, nor did my-- well, my entire personality.”

 

“Jim, don’t blame yourse--”

 

“I wasn’t there for her when she needed me,” Jim interrupted, eyes firm on Oswald. “She tried to understand me but I pushed her away. I couldn’t open up to her. Couldn’t let her in. That was the final drop, I guess. So she ended it. A couple of days ago.”

 

“I’m sorry, Jim. I truly am,” Oswald said sincerely. He meant it. He wanted Jim to be happy in his private life. He wasn’t jealous of Barbara in the conventional sense because he never expected to have a chance with Jim in the first place. There was never hope for anything other than a mutually beneficial friendship. Consequently Oswald never tried to sabotage Jim’s relationship with Barbara. Even his own pretend relationship with Ed was more about spending time with Nygma than expecting actual results with Jim. Hearing that Jim lost what he had with Barbara made him feel for Jim something he hadn’t felt in a very long time -- compassion. He gave Jim’s hand a gentle squeeze and Jim replied with an appreciative nod and a small smile. “Perhaps that’s why you feel confused about me,” Oswald continued, thoughtfully. “Maybe what you feel for me now is a reaction to your breakup with her? Maybe that’s all there is to it.”

 

Jim shrugged. “I can’t tell,” he replied and then chuckled a little flustered. “I’m sorry, that sounds terrible, doesn’t it? I’m ruining the romance completely.”

 

Oswald chuckled as well. “If anyone’s ruining the romance, it has to be me,” he insisted. “I’m the one who can’t tell the difference between friendship and love.”

 

They shared a smile and for a second everything felt so comfortable and familiar between them. They both relaxed into the calming silence when Oswald’s phone suddenly rang and pulled them out of the serene moment. Oswald glanced at the ID and swallowed.

 

“It’s Ed,” he said, not entirely sure what to do.

 

Jim shifted on the floor, putting a little more distance between himself and Penguin. “You should take the call.”

 

Oswald nodded and subconsciously held his breath. “Hello, Edward,” he said, eyes fixed on Jim.

 

“Oswald! I have so much to tell you! Can I come over?”

 

“No!” Oswald gasped with a start. He was in no condition to meet Ed face to face at the moment. However, it was still kind of rude to refuse him so ardently. “I mean,” he amended quickly, “not right now. It’s not convenient. I’m very busy. But you can tell me over the phone, if you like.”

 

“Oh. Okay. So, in short, Kristen made me the happiest man in the world! We’ve been together all evening, I’m so excited, Oswald! We’re actually friends now! For real!”

 

Oswald’s face saddened involuntarily despite himself. “I see.” He glanced at Jim who gazed back at him with a compassionate look in his eyes. In his excitement Edward was speaking so loudly Jim could hear every word without even trying. He understood well what Penguin was going through, listening the man he loved go on and on about his beloved girl.

 

“But there’s more! Oh, Oswald, there’s so much more,” Edward continued with the same enthusiasm, “but I need to see you to tell you. It’s not something to share over the phone. It’s very important.”

 

Oswald nodded, forgetting that Ed couldn’t really see him. “Right, yes. You can see me tomorrow around noon?” He swallowed and added more softly, “I’m glad Kristen made you so happy, Ed.”

 

“Me too! It’s quite funny, really. I never saw it coming,” he chuckled, amused by his own words. “But I’ll say no more now. I’ll tell you when I see you. I want to look you in the eyes for that,” he giggled again. “So you’re gonna have to wait till tomorrow, Mr. Penguin.”

 

Oswald suppressed a sigh. “Of course. Can’t wait.”

 

“You okay, Oswald? You sound tired…”

 

“I am. But it’s fine.” Oswald cleared his throat. “I guess that’s the end of our arrangement then. You need to be a free man now. For Kristen.”

 

“What? No, not at all!” Ed laughed again. “I mean, I want our arrangement to end but there’s another reason for that.”

 

Did the reason even matter, Oswald wanted to ask desperately. Ed still wanted to end their fake relationship. It wasn’t supposed to hurt as much as it did. Edward had every right to want to end it especially now when Kristen Kringle was finally paying attention to him, Edward loved the attention. Yet hearing the exact words tore Oswald’s heart in two. Maybe that was something else for him to consider while evaluating his own feelings later. However, right now all he wanted was to get this whole thing over with so he could cry his eyes out and return to his lonely life.  

 

“Well, you’ll tell me tomorrow, I guess.”

 

“It’s a date!” Edward said excitedly and hung up.

 

For a moment Oswald just stared at the floor before him, not moving, not even blinking. He felt shattered. His conversation with Edward reminded him how broken he was, how happiness truly was beyond his reach. He felt Jim’s hand resting on top of his then squeezing his fingers gently, the touch warm and supportive. Dependable.   

 

“What can I do?” Jim asked. There was genuine concern in his eyes. He truly wanted to ease Oswald’s pain and the gesture was so touching it move Oswald deeply.

 

“Just… hold me?” Oswald whispered, leaning in as he rested his head on Jim’s shoulder once again. Jim nodded, his arm wrapping around Oswald for another cuddle.

 

~*~  

 

When Oswald woke up the next morning Jim was still snuggling him, even though his neck was twisted in a funny way.  

 

“Jim? Jim, time to wake up. You’re going to hurt your neck,” Oswald warned but Jim only frowned, let out a guttural hum, and wrapped his arms more tightly around Penguin. “Jim!” Oswald released a surprised little gasp as Jim pulled him closer. It was adorable yet very new and Oswald couldn’t help the fond chuckle that escaped him. “Jim, good morning,” he shook Jim lightly, emphasizing the good morning to hint that it was time to get up.

 

“T’s too early. Go back to sleep,” Jim groaned, burying his nose in the crook of Oswald’s neck, trapping the smaller man completely under himself. Oswald’s heart skipped a beat. Jim was surrounding him -- his arms embracing him, his face buried in his neck, his legs entangled with his… Oswald hadn’t experienced this much physical intimacy since… since the last time his mother was showing him affection, which was entirely different from what was happening right now. He swallowed, cheeks burning with heat.   

 

“Jim? Jim, please, you need to wake up,” he pleaded, beginning to feel very self-conscious. What if Jim woke up disappointed to find himself snuggling with Oswald? What if he regretted their conversation from last night? What if he wanted to take back everything he said? Maybe he went temporarily insane last night and it was all just a big misunderstanding? “Jim...”

 

Jim finally cracked an eye open to look at Oswald. He pulled away flustered and nervous the moment he was coherent enough to understand what was happening.“I'm sorry, Oswald. Did I-- Did I make you feel uncomfortable?”

 

Oswald shook his head, eyes big, wide and so very blue. “No. Did I?”

 

“No.”

 

“Okay.”

 

They stared at one another awkwardly for a moment until Jim remembered to ask, “How’s your head?”

 

Oswald rolled his eyes but there was amusement in his voice. “I’ve had worse. But that Aspirin you mentioned before sounds really good right now.”

 

Jim grinned. “How much did you drink before I came over? I couldn’t quite tell exactly how drunk you were.”  

 

“I was coherent, if that’s what you’re asking. I knew what I was doing and I remember everything that happened,” Oswald assured. “Which reminds me that Edward’s going to stop by around noon today.”  

 

The expression on Jim’s face changed. “Right. Do you need me to stay with you for that or would you rather speak with him alone?”

 

It was a very considerate question. Oswald hesitated. A part of him wanted to speak to them both -- a foolish illusion that seeing them together would help him figure out his feelings once and for all. However, the other, more rational part, told him that it was unfair to drag Jim into this, that it would not be helpful to line them and make a choice. Edward didn’t even want him, and Jim was just as confused as Oswald was. They both had things to figure out and it was something they had to deal with on their own.

 

“No need for that. Besides Ed had something to tell me about Kristen. He wouldn’t do it with you around,” Oswald said. Then noticing Jim’s concern, he added, “I’ll be fine, don’t worry. I think it’s time I tell him how I feel. It’d be better than hiding my feelings and suffering silently. Might help me figure things out for myself.”

 

Jim nodded. Their eyes met and Oswald felt all warm on the inside as he sunk deeper and deeper into Jim’s beautiful blue eyes.

 

“Whatever happens, I hope it ends well,” Jim said heartfelt. His fingers twitched a little as if he wanted to reach out for Oswald, as if he had to restrain himself from touching him. “I very much want you to be happy, Oswald. So if you need me, you can call me any time. Okay?”

 

Oswald gave him an appreciative smile. “Thank you, Jim. Truly.”

 

There was a short awkward moment when they weren’t sure if they should shake hands, hug or just wave each other goodbye. Finally they went with a hug. Oswald was the one to initiate it and Jim gladly accepted it with open arms. Literally. Feeling Jim’s now familiar warmth enwrapping his body again, Oswald relaxed with a sigh, wishing he could just enjoy this feeling without having to think about what it all meant.  

 

It was only a few minutes after Jim left the club when Edward showed up, slightly earlier than Oswald expected him.

 

“I saw Jim Gordon leaving this place,” Ed said instead of a greeting. “What did he want?”

 

Oswald was just about to take his Aspirin. He wasn’t emotionally ready to face Ed yet but there was no going back now. “We had a little chat,” he said, swallowing the pill and gulping half a glass of water with it. “Turns out he’s in love with me.”

 

Edward gaped at him. “He… what!?”

 

Oswald waved it off quickly. “Don’t worry about it. Tell me about your news first.”

 

“Oswald… what happened here!?” Edward insisted, rather too dramatically for the occasion. Oswald was surprised at the reaction.

 

“Nothing. We talked, it was… nice.” It really was. Why lie about it? Especially to Edward? Oswald didn’t want to lie to Edward.

 

Edward took a few steps closer, arms crossed over his chest. “I’m listening.” When Oswald just looked at him puzzled, Edward elaborated impatiently. “Aren’t you going to share what happened with me? Jim Gordon tells you he loves you and you’re all quiet about it?”

 

“Um… He came here to tell me he saw you with Kristen, one thing lead to another and-- we were just talking, Ed. It’s really not what I wanted to talk to you about.”

 

“He told you he loved you!” Ed gasped. “That’s not just talking! It’s huge!”

 

“Well, he didn’t use these exact words… He never said love. We’re sort of figuring it out yet.” Oswald corrected but Edward wasn’t listening anymore.

 

"I hope you told him to get lost. He can't love you now. He had his chance and he lost it. It’s too late now. He's tool late.” Edward was rambling, throwing his hands in the air as he paced nervously around Oswald. “Did you tell him that, Oswald? Did you?”

 

Oswald was taken aback. Edward’s strange sudden agitation was inexplicable. Especially since Edward got what he wanted out of their arrangement -- Kristen’s affections were all his now. Why couldn’t Oswald get what he wanted too? Why was Edward so frustrated about it?

 

"Edward, I appreciate you worrying about this but you don’t have to. Now, tell me about Kristen. There’s something we need to discuss afterwards.”  

 

Edward’s lips were a tight line. His hands were clenched into fists. His entire body was vibrating with a strange sort of energy and irritation. It was very peculiar. Oswald hadn’t seen Ed like that before.

 

“Edward…?”

 

“He breaks your heart numerous times, he uses you, he lets his colleagues make fun of you, he humiliates you and hurts you on so many occasions, and then he says he loves you and expects to get away with it!? Is this a joke!? Is this another way for him to toy with you?”

 

Oswald’s headache was getting worse because of this conversation. He rubbed at his temples and sighed. “Ed, let’s leave Jim out of this. It’s not about him at all. At least not anymore. Can we talk about us instead?”

 

“But of course it’s about Jim!” Edward exclaimed. “It’s always about Jim! That’s all you ever cared about! Not me! Not Gotham. Jim!”

 

Oswald grimaced. “What are you talking about? Gotham is my home. And you’re my friend. It’s not all about Jim.”

 

Edward shook his head with an incredulous look on his face. “You don’t get it, Oswald, do you? But what did I expect?” he sneered. “You don’t even know what love really is!”

 

Oswald’s heart broke in two at Edward’s words. For a moment he gaped helplessly at Nygma, searching desperately for something to say. Then he quickly remembered to pull himself together again. He turned his back to Ed to hide his face from him, to hide his broken heart. “I wish you happiness with Kristen,” he said. “Now please leave.”  

 

“I’m not with Kristen.” Edward said firmly. “I don’t love Kristen. I realized what I felt for her was infatuation that I mistook for love. But I know better now. I see things more clearly.”

 

Oswald turned around to look him in the eyes. “And what do you see now?”

 

“I see that I have feelings with someone else. Someone I feel far more comfortable with, someone who understands me and sees me for who I am.”

 

Oswald swallowed visibly, sensing where this was going and not believing that it was actually happening.

 

“At some point during our pretend dating I fell in love with you, Oswald,” Ed said voice low and assertive. “But you don’t even care because you’re always so obsessed with your noble policeman!”

 

There was poison in Edward’s words. His voice trembling with anger as he hissed each word. His love confession was bitter, filled with pain and disappointment. Oswald felt chills down his spine. He was also filled with even more confused than before. All the sudden both men he cared so deeply about claimed to be in love with him. It was a very unfamiliar territory for him, going from a lonely man to the center of a love triangle. It was so surreal he was dizzy with it. But not in a good way. Not in a good way at all. Oswald never cared for romantic love. All the affection he needed was his mother’s unconditional love. When he met Jim that changed slightly. He began wondering what it would feel like to experience true love. He never expected it to happen though, he knew Jim would never look at him twice. Then he met Ed. Ed saw him for who he was and accepted him, liked him, befriended him and showed him care. Oswald fell face-first into this new exciting feeling. Yet Edward loved Kristen. Oswald had almost accepted that he was destined to be lonely for the rest of his life, nearly fine with it, but now… being hopeful? That wasn’t his life. He wasn’t sure how to respond to the magical allure of happiness. He didn’t know what to do. He never wanted it to be this complicated. He would gladly just have one person to share unconditional love with. Yet now Jim cared for him and so did Ed? Was this a dream? Or a very cruel joke? It remained to be seen. In his deep confusion, Oswald was so stunned that he forgot to respond to Edward, leaving him hanging. It only made the other man more certain that his affection was unwanted.

 

“Right,” Ed said, fixing the suit he was wearing (was that especially for Oswald? Did he get himself a new suit to impress him?). “I won’t take any more of your time.”

 

Oswald was overcome with sudden fear. “Ed, wait!” He stopped him hastily. “I-- I love you too.”

 

Edward blinked a few times as he processed. “You do? But Jim Gordon--”

 

“Ha, funny thing,” Oswald chuckled nervously. “It’s what I wanted to talk to you about really.”

 

Ed took another step closer, eyes examining Oswald carefully. “Yes?”

 

“The truth is, I’m not sure if I’m in love with Jim anymore. I care about both you and him very deeply and it’s confusing me. I don’t know if what I feel is love, friendship, or just… infatuation…” he shut his eyes for a moment to gather his thoughts. His heart was beating fast in his chest, his hands were making nervous little gestures, as he looked back up at Ed, blue-green eyes filled with devotion. “The point is, I do love you. One way or another. You’re the best friend I ever had, Ed. I don’t want to lose you.”

 

Edward’s face was unreadable. “I’m not interested in just friendship, Oswald.”

 

Oswald nodded in understanding. “I just need time. I don’t want to lead you on. Can you give me time? I’ll figure it out and then--”

 

“Oh, I’ll give you time, Oswald,” Edward said, voice low and passionate. He took a step closer to Oswald, his movements slow and a little predatory. He suddenly seemed very different from what Oswald was usually used to, smooth and surprisingly confident in himself. Oswald was rather thrilled by that novelty in his friend. It stirred something deep inside him, making him feel excitement he couldn’t properly explain. Edward stopped right in front of Penguin, their height difference never having such an effect before. A clever smirk appeared on Ed’s face as he spoke, “But I intend to influence your decision.”

 

Oswald’s eyes blinked dizzily as he tried to concentrate. “W-what? What do you mean?”

 

“I’m going to woo you, Oswald,” Edward announced, pleased with himself.

 

Oswald swallowed. It was strangely thrilling how Ed made that sound like both a promise and a threat.


	6. You're So Hot, Teasing Me

“Jim, what, the hell, are you doing?” Harvey’s voice boomed rather loudly, nearly startling Jim as his partner suddenly entered the police car, parked in front of Oswald’s club.

 

“Shh! I don’t want them to see me,” Jim whispered in reply. He was hiding behind the wheel, carefully observing the entrance of the club. 

 

Harvey gave him a look. “Jim,  _ all of Gotham  _ can see you. You’re not very good at stake-out, pal. You’re more of a gun-in-hand shoot-first-ask-questions-later kinda cop.” Jim did not grace that with a reply. “What are you here for anyway?” Harvey continued, curiosity taking the better of him. “We don’t have orders to watch Penguin, do we? Is he a suspect?” 

 

Jim’s lips were a tight line. “I’m not watching Penguin.” 

 

“Your eyes are glued to his club! Who else could you be watching?” 

 

Jim narrowed his eyes. “Nygma,” he nearly hissed the name. “I’m watching Nygma.” 

 

Harvey sighed. “What has he done now?” 

 

“It’s-- rather private, Harv,” Jim said, sounding only mildly embarrassed. 

 

Harvey made a face. “Private? You’re watching Nygma for private reasons? That sounds creepy.” 

 

“You have such a dirty mind. It’s not creepy at all,” Jim said, giving Harvey a reprimanding look. “He keeps visiting Oswald, bringing him flowers, chocolates and some suspicious packages. So I’m keeping an eye on him.” 

 

“Yeah. Not creepy at all,” Harvey said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “I still don’t get it though. Why is it our business now?” 

 

“It’s not. You’re free to go. I’m not holding you here,” Jim said quickly and went on with his self-assigned work.  

 

Harvey grunted. “We’re partners, aren’t we? I’m staying.” 

 

Jim remained silent while Harvey took out a donut and started chewing on it with feeling. “I still don’t get it though,” he said with his mouth full, “why is this so suspicious? They’re a couple, right? Maybe Ed’s trying to get lucky tonight.” 

 

Jim shivered, not sharing his partner’s amusement, while Harvey laughed at his own remark as if it were the funniest joke he’d heard in a long time. 

 

“It’s  _ frustrating _ ,” Jim said instead, holding the wheel slightly tighter as he spoke. “Besides, they're not exactly a couple…” 

 

“They broke up? That explains the flowers, pal.” 

 

“Oswald is trying to figure certain things out,” Jim explained carefully. “He said he needed space. And Nygma’s only confusing him with his behavior.” 

 

Harvey stopped eating and stared at his partner for a moment. “Why do you care so much, Jim?” he asked genuinely curious now. It was no longer just a joke to tease Jim with. 

 

“Why do I care!?”Jim gasped, irked by Harvey’s complete lack of sympathy or understanding. “Nygma’s forcing himself on Oswald! Don’t you see that’s  _ wrong _ !?” 

 

“I’d say Penguin’s a big boy. He can take care of himself,” Harvey shrugged unbothered and returned his attention to his half-finished donut. 

 

Jim sucked in a deep breath, trying to summon his patience. It was tricky to explain the actual reasons for his frustration without getting into too many details about his own feelings. “It’s not fair, Harvey. And it’s not right. Penguin’s been a friend to us since we met him. It’s only fair we offer… support.” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Harvey hummed, finishing his food and crossing his hands over his chest. “Support, eh?” 

 

“God knows we owe him _ a lot  _ of favors,” Jim hummed. “I’m just trying to set the score right.” 

 

“Sure. You just always have to be the knight in shining armor, right?” 

 

Jim grimaced. “What?” 

 

“You can’t give it a rest, can you? Even when it comes to criminal scum like Penguin, you still have to be the bloody hero. When will you get down from your high horse already? It’s getting annoying.” 

 

Jim felt his cheeks heating up. “We’re cops, Harvey! We’re here to uphold the law. And if Nygma starts meddling in criminal affairs--” 

 

“But it’s not a criminal affair, is it? It’s personal. It’s their own damn personal relationship, Jim, and you won’t stop sticking your nose in it! Why? Why be a third wheel?” 

 

Jim opened his mouth to reply but no words came out. He didn’t even know what he wanted to say to Harvey. Was there anything he could say? 

 

“Look if you’re so worried about lil ol Penguin, go tell his mother! She’ll handle it.” Harvey sneered. “I bet mama Kapelput has no idea what her son’s been up to, both professionally and sexually.” 

 

Jim’s eyes went wide. “Harvey, stop that,” he scolded, trying to keep his temper under control. 

 

“Or what? You gonna punch me in the face? Defending the little bird’s reputation? Such a gentleman! Too bad chivalry’s dead.” 

 

“That’s it! Get out of the car, Harvey!” 

 

Harvey gave him a look, a peculiar mixture of amused and exhausted. “You think I’m stupid, Jim?” he asked, not moving from his seat. “That I can’t figure it out? I  _ know  _ you, pal. I know how you think. And I know what it means when you act like loony toons.” 

 

Jim swallowed around the lump in his throat. What exactly did Harvey know? 

 

Bullock sighed. “You speak as if Penguin is some kind of noble lady from the olden days. But don’t forget he’s a criminal. He’s not as naive as you think. It’s poor little Nygma I’m worried about. Penguin’s gonna stab his neck with a fork without batting an eye.” 

 

Jim huffed at the image. “That’s not the point.” 

 

“What is the point then? Because I’m sorta missing it.” 

 

“The point is-- Nygma! Nygma’s the point! He’s being a-- ugh!” Jim groaned in frustration, unable to finish his sentence. 

 

“The point is you’re head over heels for Penguin and it’s killing you that Nygma’s trying to seduce him.” 

 

Jim’s eyes went wide. “How--” 

 

“Told ya. Not as dumb as I look,” Harvey offered with a small smile. “How long has Nygma been inside that club?” 

 

“ _Too_ _long_ ,” Jim grunted. 

 

Harvey bit his lower lip as if to stop himself from making a very inappropriate remark. Deep down a part of Jim appreciated that.

 

Harvey sighed. “If you’re so worried about it, you should go in there too. Woo that little bird of yours.” 

 

Jim stared dumbly at his partner as if he couldn’t quite understand the meaning of his words. It was unexpected to hear encouragement from him. “What?” 

 

“If Penguin means so much to you, Jim, you should go for it,” Harvey elaborated. 

 

Jim ran his fingers through his face. “I don’t even know what’s happening to me, Harvey. I don’t understand my own feelings. And it’s so complicated. I’m a cop, and Oswald is-- Oswald. And we both have no idea what’s going on in our hearts,” he confessed. It felt good to get it off his chest. 

 

“So go there and find out,” Harvey said simply. “It can’t get any worse than spying on him from a police car.” 

 

Jim snorted. The image Bullock was painting of him and his jealousy was quite hilarious, he had to admit that. Yet, “Oswald said he needed time,” Jim sighed. “I’m trying to respect his wishes.” 

 

“ _Unlike_ _Nygma_ ,” Harvey muttered. He shifted in his seat and placed both his hands on either of Jim’s shoulders so that he could look him straight in the eyes. Jim felt this was going to be the weirdest pep talk in his entire life. “Jim, pal,” Harvey began, “you know I love ya very much, right? But you’re such an idiot sometimes. If you really want Penguin -- nauseating as that sounds -- then go after him, go get ‘im, win him over. Or else Nygma might get there first. And we don’t want that, do we. Penguin’s no Fish Mooney. He’s a neurotic little dude with a mommy complex. On top of that he’s a criminal and you’re, like, the cleanest cop I’ve ever known. Your relationship sounds like you both came out of a Greek tragedy. But. I’m your friend and I won’t watch you suffer for it, Jimmy. So go to Penguin. See what happens. Do what you have to do. Be with him. Maybe it won’t work out. Maybe it’s not meant to be forever. Maybe you two won’t even like each other after a week or two. Hell, maybe he’ll reject you. You never know. But at least you’ll try and see for yourself. You won’t spend the rest of your life wondering. Don’t waste your opportunity, pal.” 

 

Jim had to admit his partner made some pretty good points. There was definitely something there between Jim and Oswald. Jim owed it to both of them to explore it, to make sure if it was real.

 

“You’re right, Harvey! If Nygma can break the rules, so can I! I need to act!” Jim said with feeling. “I’m going in!” He opened the car door. “Oh, and don’t call me Jimmy.” He slid out of the car and headed for Oswald’s club. 

 

“Atta boy! Go get him!” Harvey cheered, grinning and clapping. “Don’t think this means I approve though!” he called after his partner, “‘Coz I still think it’s crazy as hell!”

 

~*~  

 

Oswald looked up from his bookkeeping to see none other than Edward Nygma, dressed in a sharp green suit, his hair slicked back, flower bouquet in his hands. 

 

“Oswald,” he greeted smoothly, “so good to see you.” 

 

“Hello, Ed,” Oswald replied. 

 

“These are for you,” Edward said, offering Oswald the flowers. 

 

Oswald accepted them, puzzled. “Thank you?...” 

 

“May I say your hair looks very nice today?” Edward continued, moving like a panther around Oswald, looking at him kind of funny. 

 

“Umm, thanks, Edward, so does yours,” Oswald returned the compliment, still not quite following what was going on. Ed’s been acting weird lately. Ever since their last conversation when he threatened to woo Oswald, he’d been bringing him flowers, chocolates, little gifts, a cupcake with a bullet in it, and pebbles for some reason. 

 

“I’ve been doing my hair differently these days. Did you notice the change?” Ed asked, posing as if to show it better. 

 

“Oh, I noticed it alright,” Oswald muttered. The constant attention was both flattering and unnerving when Oswald still had a decision to make and needed more time. He put the flowers on the bar next to his books and looked back at his persistent visitor. 

 

Edward pulled out a pen from his pocket and started playing with it between his fingers. “So. How’s the business?” he asked casually. Before Oswald could reply Ed dropped the pen on the floor. “Oops!” he said rather theatrically and then turned his back to Oswald. Oswald watched in horror as Ed bent over to lift the pen, giving Penguin quite a show. This was ridiculous. 

 

When Ed turned around, showing his pen with a triumphant smile, Penguin had already returned to his bookkeeping, completely ignoring Ed’s little games. “ _ Oswald _ ,” Ed pouted. He was trying to be seductive here and frankly it was rude of Oswald to not pay attention. 

 

Oswald arched an eyebrow at him. “Yes, Ed?” 

 

“You’re  _ not even looking _ !” he complained. 

 

Oswald put away his own pen and faced Edward properly. “What am I supposed to be looking at exactly? What are you even doing?” 

 

“You  _ know _ what I’m doing,” Edward insisted. 

 

“Actually, no, I don’t. You’re confusing me, Ed. You keep bringing me presents and flowers and chocolates and you act like-- like  _ that _ .” 

 

Edward looked like a scorned puppy. “Y-you don’t like it?” 

 

Oswald sighed. “I didn’t say that. It’s not that I don’t like your attention, Edward, but this isn’t you. This isn’t how we usually are and I don’t need you to pretend to be someone you’re not.” Edward furrowed his brows, considering the words. Oswald continued, hoping to add more clarity for him, “It’s confusing to me.”  

 

Ed’s face brightened up a little. “And that’s a good thing, right? Keeping your lover confused is good in love. So I’ve heard.” 

 

Oswald shook his head. “Not really. I mean, I’m no love expert but, Ed… I said I needed time and--” 

 

“No, that’s where you’re wrong!” Edward said with enthusiasm. “You don’t need time, you need to try new things. You need to explore yourself and… and me.” 

 

Oswald blinked. “I need to explore you?” he repeated dumbly. 

 

“You need to kiss me, Oswald!” Edward announced. 

 

Oswald gaped at him. “What.” 

 

“I’m sure that all you need is... just one kiss and you’ll forget everything!” 

 

“Did you just quote ABBA?” Oswald asked genuinely concerned but Edward only waved it off. 

 

“That’s beside the point. What’s important is that… honey, I’m still free; take a chance on me,” he winked.  

 

“Okay, the ABBA thing is kinda freaking me out now,” Oswald muttered. It didn’t seem to matter though, Edward was too eager to impress him, too invested in making this work for once in his life. He took a few quick strides towards Penguin and grabbed him tightly by the wrists. 

 

“I’ve never felt this way before, Oswald! It’s destiny that we found each other, I know it! Surely you can feel it too! You’re  _ everything _ I ever wanted.”  

 

Oswald felt incredibly uncomfortable. He was not accustomed to being pursued, especially when he himself was uncertain of his own feelings. He didn’t know how to behave. Leading on either Ed or Jim was not an option. It was too cruel to play with someone else’s heart. Oswald wanted to do right by them both. But in order to do that he had to first understand himself. 

 

“Ed, I-- I need to be sure of my feelings before I do anything,” he said, hoping to put his thoughts into words. Eloquence was usually his strong suit but when it came to expressing his feelings he suddenly found himself a blithering fool. 

 

“Or, you could just kiss me now, then kiss Gordon, and make a choice,” Ed suggested. 

 

Oswald’s eyes went wide. “Are you serious right now? Do you even hear yourself!?” 

 

Ed gave it some thought, slightly releasing his grip on Oswald’s wrists. “Good point,” he then said. “Gordon has more experience in kissing than me. He might be better at it and sway you in the wrong direction. But no matter. I’m sure we can come up with another form of challenge.” 

 

Oswald sharply pulled his hands out of Edward’s grip. “This is insane! That’s not how this works!” 

 

“What do you mean? Centuries ago it was a cherished custom for the valiant knights to compete for the hand of the fair maiden.” 

 

“I’m no fair maiden!” Oswald cried out, getting extremely frustrated despite himself. “I won’t decide who I like with a kiss! That’s not how you win my hand in marriage!” 

 

Edward’s eyes sparkled at the words. “So  _ how  _ do I win your hand in marriage then?”  

 

For the first time in his life Oswald felt pity for Miss Kringle. She had to deal with Ed’s peculiar style of flirtation for years before things got back to normal between them. And that happened when they decided to remain just friends. Was that what was going to happen for Oswald and Ed too? Ed gave up on Kringle the moment he thought he won her affections. Could history be repeating itself now with Oswald? Were Ed’s feelings for him genuine or was it just his competitiveness speaking? His desire to solve the puzzle, to win, to be the best? It was hard to tell and Oswald knew he could not make a decision until he was certain. 

 

He took a deep breath and tried once more, “Ed, please, just hear me out. I need--” 

 

“Space,” Jim Gordon said from behind Edward. He was standing at the door frame with his legs apart, hands on his hips, determination written all over his face. His voice sounded very confident, hero-like. It was his dramatic policeman stand, Oswald knew it. “You heard what Oswald said, Nygma,” Jim went on. “He needs space.” 

 

Edward turned around slowly with a sly smirk on his face. “Oh, really? And why are  _ you  _ here then? If Oswald needs space?” 

 

“I’m here to make sure  _ you  _ don’t screw this up,” Jim said. “So leave him be. He’ll let you know when he needs to talk to you.” 

 

“Oh, and you speak for him now, do you?” Ed turned fully to face Jim, stepping in front of Oswald as if shielding him from the policeman. 

 

“You seem to have difficulties understanding him when he says it, so yeah, I’m here to repeat it for you,” Jim said back, mockingly. 

 

Edward was about to retaliate when Oswald groaned loud enough for his voice to be heard. “This is ridiculous. Would both of you just stop!?” 

Ed and Jim’s gazes turned to Penguin, a little puzzled. They were silent for a moment before Ed muttered, “I just-- wanted to make this choice easier for you…” 

 

“And I just wanted to be sure he gave you space… for the choice,” Jim added awkwardly. 

 

Oswald sighed. “I appreciate the thought, from both of you. But I can’t figure my heart out if I’m under all this pressure. I’m sorry. I wish it was easier for me but it’s not. I’m inexperienced in matters of the heart, that’s why I asked you both for time. If you can’t give me that then maybe we shouldn’t be having this conversation at all.” 

 

Both Ed and Jim gasped terrified. “No!” They glanced at one another and Jim nodded for Ed to go first. 

 

“We’ll give you space, Oswald. I’m sorry I pushed you,” Ed said. 

 

“Yeah, and I’ll stay out of it too,” Jim assured. 

 

“Thank you. I’ll call you when I have news,” Oswald promised. 

 

They bid Oswald goodbye and left the club together, neither trusting the other one not to return and try winning Penguin’s favor. Once outside, they looked at one another for a long moment before Jim finally spoke, “I don’t want you hanging around Oswald like that.” 

 

“Same goes for you,” Ed said. “What were you doing here? Stalking him?” 

 

“I wasn’t stalking him!” Jim huffed. “Just-- stay out of his way, until he calls you, okay?” 

 

Ed smirked. “He  _ will _ call me. He might  _ not  _ call  _ you _ .” 

 

They parted with a glare and Edward headed back home. He felt broken on the inside. He had failed. Once again he was trying to be noticed and liked and only got the opposite effect. 

 

_ “You’ve always been a weak fool and now’s just another confirmation of what we  _ **_both_ ** _ knew to be true.”  _

 

Edward froze. He glanced up at his reflection in the shop window nearby and swallowed. “Not  _ you  _ again…” 

 

“Oh, yes, me again,” his reflection grinned. “You want Penguin? I can get him for you. I’m stronger than you, better than you, more handsome than you. You should give me control.” 

 

“We’re not having this conversation right now. People are watching,” Edward hissed, clenching his fists tightly and desperately trying to calm his racing heart. 

 

“Oh, but we both know you’ll fail without me. Just like you did with Kristen,” the familiar voice of the reflection echoed after him as Ed hurried away from the shop window. “You may run but you can’t hide! Wherever you go, you know  _ I’m always with you !”  _


	7. Better Slow Down

Oswald relaxed back into the tub. The hot water embraced him, soothing his sore muscles. He let out a soft sigh and closed his eyes for a moment. Just like an actual penguin Oswald thrived in water. At least in the pleasant warm water in his tub at home he did, if not so much in the ice-cold waters of the Gotham river. Although he did survive those too. Oswald survived a lot of things in his life. Each day presented him with a new blow, people abusing and hurting him constantly, yet he survived. He had to make his skin thick enough to not let them hurt him. He had to learn to be sneaky, to slither around those who were stronger or more powerful than him. He had to be the most clever of them all to outfox players like Fish Mooney, Maroni, and eventually even Don Falcone. All that just for one glorious goal: to be powerful enough and feared enough so that no one would ever dare hurt him again. He had to go out of his way just so that people would treat him like a decent human being. They hated he was different than them. For some inexplicable reason it always bugged them, even if Oswald never did anything to get in their way. So he had to make sure they feared him enough not to walk all over him. That was all Oswald truly wanted really. To not be abused, tormented, bullied, laughed at and mocked anymore. He had plans to make, things to do to achieve his goal. Yet all that truly was on his mind recently was his love dilemma. Perhaps it would’ve been easier if his heart was cold, if he could not fall for anyone. Then he would’ve been stronger. Yet his heart seemed to be his greatest weakness. It could not just… be quiet. He felt love and he couldn’t just shut it out. He had a chance for happiness and like his mother says:  _ "Life only gives you one true love, Oswald. When you find it, run to it."  _ How ironic that life would give him two loves at the same time, each seeming very real and true to him, and making his choice so much more difficult. Oswald was in the middle of a love triangle. Unbelievable as it sounded that was his current predicament. He had never expected something like this to ever happen to him. Had the situation been any different, he would’ve used it to his advantage -- both Jim and Edward were good assets, their affection for him would come in handy. Yet, things weren’t like that when it came to Oswald’s heart. He couldn’t think use their love when his feelings for both of them were so tender. All he wanted here was mutual happiness, if life would allow it. The kind of bliss he thought he’d ever experience. After all, the only person who ever loved him was his mother. 

 

The door creaked and Oswald cracked one eye open. 

 

“Oswald!” As usually, his mother entered the bathroom without knocking or asking permission. He didn’t mind. She was his mother, she’d seen it all. “These flowers came for you!” She announced excitedly, holding up a bouquet of white lilies in her arms. They were her favorites. That was new. Who could be sending him flowers? 

 

“Where did that come from?” Oswald asked concerned. The first thought he had was that it came from one of his enemies, sending flowers as one would to a dead man's grave. Was this a warning? 

 

“The handsome policeman who came to your club once brought them. Remember him? He said they’re for you and wished me a good day. He was very charming.” 

 

Oswald wanted to dive under the water and stay there. What was Jim doing? Flowers? Really? No one sent Oswald flowers. 

 

“Oh! There’s a card too!” Gertrude nearly squeaked, taking out the card and fumbling with it. “Let’s see, what does it say…” 

 

“Mother!” Oswald cried out before she could open the card. Startled Gertrude looked at him confused. “I’ll read it,” Oswald said quickly with an apologetic smile. He wasn’t sure why but he wanted to keep Jim’s message private. To be the first and only one to read it. 

 

Gertrude Kapelput handed him the card and knelt next to the tub expectantly. Oswald then realized she was waiting to hear what the note said and he couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped him at that thought. His mother, ever so curious and protective of him. She was smiling at the flowers, caressing their petals gently with her fingers, and Oswald wanted to remember this image forever. At this moment she looked so radiant, so divine. She deserved a better son, yet she never complained and always loved the one she had with all her heart. 

 

Sensing his gaze on her Gertrude tilted his head at him, the gentle smile still remaining on her face. “What’s the matter, Oswald? Are you okay?” 

 

“I’m fine, mother. Just… I love you very much, I hope you know that,” he said, suddenly overwhelmed with feelings. 

 

Gertrude chuckled, beaming at his words. She always liked it when he expressed his affection for her. “Of course, I know, my handsome son. You’re such a good boy!” 

 

Oswald himself felt much better, hearing her say that, even if he knew it wasn’t true. There was so much about him she didn’t know. Perhaps if she did she wouldn’t have thought him a ‘good boy’. 

 

He felt his eyes water and quickly pushed that thought to the back of his mind where it belonged. 

 

“Let’s see what the note says,” he said instead, voice a little shaky as he opened the card. 

 

_ Oswald, _

_ I’m sorry for what happened at the club the other day. The truth was, I was jealous and possessive. I wanted you all to myself and I couldn’t stand the thought that Nygma was in there, influencing you. I just hope you can forgive me. Remember I care for you very deeply.  _

_ James _

 

Oswald slowly exhaled. His eyes skimmed over the lines of the card once again, just taking in everything. Jim felt jealous and possessive of him? There was a time when Oswald would swoon at the mere thought of that to be true. All he could think about now was the decision he had to make, hanging over his head like a dark shadow. Love was supposed to make things easier and happier for him, not confuse him so much. He couldn’t handle it alone. 

 

“Mom?” he looked at her, tilting his head slightly. Gertrude instantly turned her gaze back to him, eyes full of love. Oswald swallowed nervously. “I-- have something to ask you about. An advice.” 

 

She perked up, always happy to help him out. “Tell me all, my dearest!” 

 

“You remember the friend I told you about? The other one?” He asked and of course Gertrude remembered him. Gertrude  _ always  _ remembered. 

 

“The tall handsome one with the glasses?” 

 

Oswald had to admire his mother’s ability to take in the smallest of details about the people he told her about. He nodded, chuckling. “That’s the one.” 

 

“What about him? Did he hurt you?” Her protective motherly instincts took over at once. Oswald wondered sometimes how far would she go in her wish to protect him. Would she scratch Ed’s eyes out if he had hurt her boy? Would she kill him? 

 

“No, no, he didn’t hurt me,” Oswald said quickly, not wishing to find out the answer to his last mental question. “But I might be hurting him.” 

 

She pouted compassionately. “Aww, what happened, sweetheart?” 

 

Oswald inhaled deeply and took her hand in his, rubbing gentle circles into her skin as he watched their fingers intertwine. “You see the thing is, I like him. A lot. And he likes me back. But I also like the policeman, a lot, and as it turns out he likes me back too.” 

 

“My beautiful son! Everybody loves him!” Gertrude announced proudly. 

 

Oswald blushed, hoping his mother didn’t notice. “My question is,” he went on, “how do I chose? When I’m not sure which one I like more?” 

 

Gertrude gave it a moment’s thought. “You really can’t tell which one you prefer?” 

 

Oswald shook his head, sadly. “It’s a rather recent thing and I never really felt that way before. I’m so confused, I don’t know what to do.” He felt extremely embarrassed to admit that but it was how things were and there was no use hiding it from his mother -- the one person he knew for a fact was on his side. 

 

She wrapped her arms around him, ignoring the fact that he was wet from his bath. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. Give it some time, interact with both of them, then ask your heart. It will know when the time is right. You need to answer these questions for yourself. Who makes you feel more at ease, more comfortable? Who sees you for who you are and accepts it? Who always has your back and helps you improve? Who can you trust?” 

 

Oswald nodded, leaning on his mother’s shoulder. “Those are good questions,” he said. 

 

“You know you can always trust your mother,” Gertrude reminded. 

 

He smiled brightly. “I know. Thank you, mother.” 

 

~*~  

 

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” Ed screamed, clenching his head with his fists. “Please…” 

 

_ “You can’t even get rid of me, let alone win over Oswald Cobblepot,”  _ the man in the mirror laughed at him loudly.  _ “You really think a man like Oswald, who loves power and knows how to get it, would fall for someone as weak and pathetic as you?”  _

 

“Oswald already fell for me. He said so! He just needs time to--” 

 

_ “It’s not time he needs, it’s an  _ **_opportunity to get rid of you_ ** _.”  _ The man in the mirror deadpanned. _ “Don’t you see what’s happening here? Oswald’s tiring you out. Until you finally give up on your own. He wants Jim Gordon,  _ **_of course_ ** _ he wants Jim Gordon, so he’s using you to make Gordon jealous. And you’re too dumb to get it!”  _

 

The man’s laughter echoed loudly in Edward’s head, making him cringe. 

 

“That’s not true, please, just go away!” Edward begged, hoping his mental breakdown would be over soon. He just wanted it to end. He wished he knew how to make it stop. How to make  _ the other one  _ stop. 

 

_ “Weak, scared, pathetic, frightened, dumb, silly, stupid Ed!”  _ The man in the mirror barked at him. 

 

Edward’s trembling fingers searched for an object, any object, to throw at the mirror and  _ shut the other one up _ ! Instead his ringtone pulled them both back to reality. 

 

“It’s Oswald,” Edward said quietly, voice trembling like his entire body. 

 

_ “Well, what are you waiting for, dumbass? Pick it up!”  _

 

Edward nodded at his reflection and accepted the call. “... Yes?” He hated how shaky and weak his voice sounded but it seemed Oswald hadn’t noticed. That at least was a mercy. 

 

_ “Edward? Hi. It’s Oswald. Um… I still haven’t made my decision about… but I was hoping we could perhaps go on a date together? I think it’d be helpful for me. If you’re comfortable with that, of course.”  _

 

“I am! Of course. Yes, a date sounds wonderful,” Ed said quickly. 

 

_ “Okay. It’s a date then. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at 7? You choose the place?”  _

 

“Sounds super,” Ed said, finally regaining control over his voice. 

 

_ “Good. See you tomorrow then. Bye.”  _

 

“Yes. Tomorrow. Bye,” Ed replied, trying to sound  _ normal _ . Oh, how he hated that word.  _ Normal.  _ What even was ‘normal’? He always had to fake it and it was  _ exhausting _ . 

 

_ “Well. Seems like we’re still in the game,”  _ the other one said from the mirror, pulling Ed out of his thoughts.  _ “Where are you taking him tomorrow?”  _

 

“Ummm, home?” Ed suggested. 

 

The other one laughed.  _ “You’re not subtle about what you want, are you?”  _

 

Ed frowned. “What do you mean…?” 

 

_ “Don’t you get it? You need to  _ **_impress_ ** _ him tomorrow. That’s what this is all about. Whoever impresses Oswald better gets him. It’s a competition between Gordon and you and you’re gonna loose.”  _

 

“I won’t!” 

 

_ “Then give  _ **_me_ ** _ control. I can take care of it.”  _

 

“I-- I don’t want you to,” Ed said quietly but firmly, hands clenched into tight fists. He was afraid to let the other one take over. He didn’t trust him. 

 

_ The man in the mirror shrugged. “It’s your choice. But remember this, we only get  _ **_one chance_ ** _ at impressing Oswald. We can’t afford you to screw it up like everything else you screw up, Edward. Think about it. Deep down you know I’m right.”  _

 

Edward swallowed. He hated to admit it but the other one had a point. 

 

~*~ 

 

“Oswald! What brings you to the station?” Jim asked and Oswald could literally see his face brighten up upon seeing him. Perhaps Jim was hoping Oswald had… good news for him… Well, he wasn’t entirely wrong. 

 

“I had information about a crime in the Narrows that I want dealt with without attracting attention to my name,” Oswald said, then hesitated a little before adding, “But also I needed to tell you something, in private.” 

 

Jim failed at suppressing his grin. “Okay. Let’s go to the back,” he offered, taking Oswald by the hand as he showed the way like Oswald didn’t know it already. It was clear as day that Jim was taking the opportunity to hold Penguin’s hand and Oswald’s treacherous heart couldn’t help but skip a few beats at that realization. “Right. I’m all ears and all yours,” Jim said with a smile as he closed the door behind them. They were alone. Total privacy. Oswald had butterflies in his stomach. 

 

“I came here because…” Oswald said, clearing his throat. This was a mistake, he should’ve done it over the phone like he did with Ed. Too many emotions were getting in the way in a face to face interaction. Oswald felt ridiculously awkward and with Jim’s eyes fixed on him like that it wasn’t easy for him at all. He swallowed again and forced himself to sound at least somewhat more confident. “I wanted to ask you out on a date, Jim. And also to thank you for the flowers.”

 

“A date?” Jim’s face cleared up even more. “... Oswald!” In less than a second Oswald felt Jim’s hands around his waist as he was pulled closer like Jim wanted to hug him but wasn’t sure if he was allowed to. 

 

The gesture confused Oswald and he hurriedly took a step back, putting more distance between them. “That’s not what this is, Jim. I still haven’t made up my mind yet. I’m sorry. But I thought perhaps it’d be helpful if I spend more time with both you and Ed before I choose.” 

 

Jim looked visibly disappointed. “Oh,” he deflated. “Alright, yes, I get it. That sounds very… logical.” 

 

“So I have your consent to try this?” Oswald asked. He needed to be certain both Jim and Ed were comfortable with the idea. 

 

“Yes. Yes, of course. I’m fine with it,” Jim nodded. “Besides,” he leaned in a little with that smile of his that made Oswald’s knees go weak, “it’s better than not seeing you at all. _ I missed you, Oswald… _ ” 

 

Jim’s voice was a low sensual whisper and Oswald heard an embarrassing sound slipping out from his lips. He quickly pulled himself together, looking anywhere  _ but  _ at James Gordon. “Alright. Yes. Good then. Okay, so… the day after tomorrow? Around 7?” 

 

Jim nodded with an amused smirk. “Sounds excellent,” he said. 

 

Oswald blinked at him a little breathless. Jim was looking at him as if he could devour him whole. It was very unnerving and strange but also kind of thrilling and confusing. Oswald felt strange energy inside himself and frankly it was terrifying. “Okay. See you then,” he said quickly and hurried to leave through the back door before he did something he’d regret. 

 

Jim watched him walk away with the kind of longing he hadn’t felt in a long time. It was the kind of longing that put thoughts of Barbara and his own messy life to rest. Surely Oswald was the answer to Jim’s anxieties and stress over the last months. 

 

When he returned to his desk Harvey Bullock gave him a weird look. 

 

“What?” Jim challenged him to speak out loud whatever was on his mind. 

 

“Nothin’” Harvey grinned. “Your little bird feelin’ okay today?” 

 

Jim rolled his eyes but he couldn’t hold back his own grin upon hearing Oswald being referred to as  _ his _ . 

 

“Y’know, Jim, I don’t get where this weird attraction for Penguin came from,” Harvey continued, “but I gotta admit I always felt there was something between you two. Some kind of energy or something. A…connection.” 

 

Jim did not make any remarks on that, he didn’t deny it. Why would he? He agreed with every word -- Oswald and Jim really did have some kind of a bond. And Jim was more than happy to explore it. The fact that Oswald came personally to ask him out on a date already made him feel quite smug about his chances. No matter what Nygma did he couldn’t possibly top Jim, could he? Jim and Oswald went way back. They were connected. They had history together, shared memories. Jim spared Oswald’s life. Oswald had been crushing on Jim since that first day, always going weak in the knees whenever Jim was around, looking at him with those big longing eyes full of devotion. All it took was for Jim to say the word, get closer to Oswald, smile, or even be rough and grab Oswald by his collar and growl at him, and Oswald would do anything for him,  _ anything _ . Jim was well aware of the effects he had on Oswald Cobblepot and even though a part of him regretted using that power to his own advantage in the past, another part of him desperately wanted those effects to never wear off. What did Nygma have? A newly developed friendship and a few fake dates. Nygma didn’t have that nearly animalistic attraction with Oswald. Surely Oswald’s feelings for Edward were simply a manifest of gratitude for Nygma’s help and an expression of friendship. And it was a matter of time for Oswald to realize it. At least, Jim hoped so… 

 

~*~  

 

_ “He’s here. He’s gonna be up any moment now. Give me control. Let me handle it,”  _ the other one insisted. 

 

“No,” Edward refused once again. “I can do this. I know Oswald better than you do. It’s  _ me  _ he befriended and  _ me  _ he fell for. He cares about me. This date has to be with  _ me _ .” 

 

_ “You’re a loser and you’re gonna fail like you always do,”  _ the other one sighed and disappeared into the darkest corners of Edward’s mind. 

 

Edward inhaled deeply and ran his fingers through his hair. He didn’t want to check his reflection in the mirror just in case  _ he  _ was there again. No need to take the unnecessary risks of him returning. There was a knock on Ed’s door and he went to open it. 

 

“Edward,” Oswald smiled at him. It was a little awkward but very sweet. Oswald looked a little out of breath but Edward suspected that was out of nervousness or excitement than exhaustion. “Hello.” 

 

“Hello, Oswald. You look lovely,” Edward said with a wide smile on his face. It was true, Oswald did look amazing in his elegant suit with a purple vest and shiny shoes. Edward loved the shiny shoes. Perhaps he could start wearing shiny shoes too? Shiny things were neat. Edward cleared his throat, he was getting lost in his own mind again. “So. Where are you taking me?” 

 

Oswald’s smile relaxed slightly as it turned a little more playful, more at ease. “I have a special thing planned for today, actually. Something you’d like.” 

 

“Oh?” Ed grinned. “If it’s an escape room, I’ll die a happy man,” he joked. 

 

Oswald’s eyes went wide. “It  _ is  _ an escape room,” he said stunned. 

 

Edward let out a small squeak of excitement. “Really? Oswald! That’s amazing! Let's go!”

 

But Oswald seemed frozen in front of him. “You… you just figured it out. Like  _ you knew _ .” 

 

Ed chuckled. “It’s not that great a miracle, Oswald. We know each other so well it’s only natural we’d anticipate one another’s thoughts. Besides you said it’s something I’d like. That was a huge giveaway.” 

 

Oswald’s face melted into a soft smile. “That’s right. It’s only natural,” he said quietly, the nervousness completely gone from his body and replaced by a feeling of comfortable ease. 

 

“Let’s go then! I can’t wait!” Ed said enthusiastically and grabbed his coat. As they walked outside, Oswald held his hand to lead the way.  


	8. Searching for That Kind of Fun

“Have you been to this escape room before?” Edward asked as they got near the place. He was curious to learn more about it, excitement budding inside him. 

 

“I don’t really have anyone else to go to an escape room with, so no.” Oswald said amused. “This is going to be my first time. But it seemed interesting when I researched it. I hope it doesn’t disappoint.” 

 

Edward beamed at him. “Aww, Oswald! You researched it for us?” 

 

“I wanted to make sure it was good,” Oswald replied with a nod. 

 

“That’s so neat! You researched it like I would’ve done! You’ve put so much thought into it.” Ed beamed even more. “Don’t worry. I’m sure it’ll be amazing. It has to be, since we’re going together.” 

 

Oswald smiled back. He was still a bit uneasy around Edward now that their usual dynamic was a bit disrupted by everything that happened over the past days. Yet he really wanted to let the awkwardness fade away and be replaced with the comfortable relationship they used to enjoy before. 

 

“They said there are lots of puzzles, riddles and brain teasers. It has to be entertaining and fun,” he explained aloud. 

 

“Neat!” Ed grinned widely. He was glad he didn’t let the  _ Other One  _ take over for this. Riddles and puzzles were  _ Edward’s  _ forte. What better way to impress Oswald than by showing off his intellect. Surely a clever man like Oswald would rather appreciate Edward’s brains than Jim Gordon’s brute force. What Oswald felt for Gordon had to be based mostly on physical attraction. Jim was smart, but Edward was smarter. He could make Oswald see what truly mattered in a relationship. Show Penguin that Edward was the right man for him. The fact that Oswald put so much thought into their first date was a very good sign. It made Edward feel more at ease, confident and optimistic. 

 

When they reached the place Ed saw that it actually looked more like a haunted house. It made his heart jump with pleasure. They knocked on the door and were greeted by the owner and his teenage son. 

 

“Welcome! If you dare…” The man said sinisterly. “I’m Dr. Gerald Crane and this is my son Jonathan. We shall be taking care of you today. Or are we?...” 

 

Oswald and Ed just shrugged at one another as they shared a look. The spooky atmosphere was a bit more Halloween than brain teasers, but Ed still looked excited to be here and that put a smile on Oswald’s face as well, warmth spreading inside his chest and leaving him with a pleasant buzz. His choice between Edward and Jim was definitely not going to be an easy one, would it? Not that he ever expected it to be easy… He’d been infatuated with Jim for ages, never expecting he’d ever get a chance with him. However, his relationship with Edward grew with time, becoming more solid and deep. Edward was his best friend. Oswald wasn’t sure how to choose between the two. He had to be really alert to determine how each of the men he cared for so much made him feel romantically and then make his choice. Easier said than done though. 

 

“Oswald?” 

 

Oswald snapped out of it to the sound of Ed’s voice calling him. The man looked slightly concerned. 

 

“Oswald, are you okay? If you’re not up for it, I understand. We can go.” 

 

“No! No, I’m fine. I just got a little distracted. Apologies,” Oswald forced the smile back to his face. It was unfair to drag Ed into his own indecision and insecurities. He wanted to make the most of this date and forget that he had to make a tough choice afterwards. It was important that he lived in the moment and fully enjoy his time with Ed now. “I’m ready.” 

 

“Good,” Edward smiled too and offered his hand to Oswald. Penguin accepted it and they walked in hand in hand. 

 

On the inside the house looked like an old southern home only much spookier. The lighting was poor and there were cobwebs that felt quite real instead of a mere decoration. 

 

Oswald frowned. “I’m sorry, Ed. I didn’t expect it to be this poorly kept,” he whispered to his friend. 

 

“Are you kidding me?” Edward whispered back, excitedly. “This is part of the experience! It screams realism! I love it!” His voice became a tad gentler and he smiled, “Thank you for taking me here, Oswald.” 

 

Dr. Crane Sr. eventually had to leave them to greet more guests. Oswald and Edward were not too sad to see the man’s back. He was rather too creepy and unnerving even for Halloween, let alone for an escape room. He did, however, leave young Jonathan Crane to take care of them instead and be their guide. 

 

“You’re supposed to start from being locked into one room, then find your way out of it, and consequently find your way out of the entire house. But it’s not gonna be easy,” the young man explained in a quiet voice. He avoided looking them in the eyes and didn’t seem too thrilled about his job. It felt a lot like his father had forced him to do it. Luckily for their business, however, Jonathan’s unenthusiastic demeanor could easily pass for an attempt at creating a gloomy atmosphere so his attitude worked fine for him. “Last chance to leave,” the teenager said, holding the door to the room open for them. 

 

“Umm, no, thanks. We don’t want to leave,” Ed said, chuckling a little at the strange notion. “We’re here because it’s where we want to be. We paid for it.”  

 

Young Jonathan sighed. “Alright then,” he said and finally let them in, locking the door behind them.  

 

Once they were alone they giggled and took in the interior. It gave off the same old haunted house vibe as the rest of the property. Ed rubbed his hands together energetically and Oswald had to suppress a fond chuckle at the man’s child-like enthusiasm. It was too adorable. 

 

“Now, let’s see how we're going to find our way out of here,” Ed announced and looked around, ready for adventure. “Hmmm. Anything could be a clue.” 

 

“You’re the clue master so I trust you to get us out of here,” Oswald said, amused. 

 

“Oh, come on! You’re going to work for this too,” Ed said, heading toward the portraits above the old fireplace. “I want you to participate, otherwise it’s no fun!” 

 

Oswald chuckled. “And I am participating! Okay, let’s see,” he took another step closer to Edward’s side at the fireplace. “That face over there looks like a map, doesn’t it?” He pointed at the portrait of an old bearded man that hung there. “See, the beard is the steps we climbed to get to this room, the nose is that terrible table over there…” 

 

Ed followed Oswald’s pointing finger with rising excitement. “That’s incredible! Oswald, this face really  _ is  _ a map! I can see it now! The nose, the eyes… And that lock of hair that looks like a question mark must be indicating where we can find the first riddle!” Edward was thrilled. He leaned in closer to examine the portrait further. “The question mark must lead us… there! By the old piano!” 

 

Oswald waddled to the piano, opening the lid of the dusty instrument and looking for another clue. “Okay, I figured out the map, it’s your turn with the riddle,  _ Riddler _ ,” he teased. 

 

Ed’s eyes snapped at him quickly, wide and puzzled. “Riddler,” he whispered. “Why did you call me that?” 

 

Oswald shrugged. “I don’t know. It sounded fun. Did you not like it? Because I won’t call you that again if you don’t like it--” he was added hastily. 

 

“No, it’s not that. I  _ do  _ like it. It just… took me by surprise, that’s all.” He cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. “Anyway. Let’s get back to work. I assume this envelope between keys B and C is our first riddle?” He retrieved the piece of paper in question and opened it to read its contents. 

 

“What does it say?” Oswald asked, tilting his head to take a look. 

 

_ “Red through and through, it has no mouth yet it eats many things; it fears water but not wind.”  _ Edward read aloud. “Well, that’s clearly fire,” he said rather disappointed how easy the riddle was.  

 

Oswald placed a comforting hand on Edward’s shoulder. “I should’ve known this won’t be stimulating enough for you. You’re basically a genius.” 

 

Edward felt the compliment and the high appreciation of his intellect wash over him in a pleasant wave of thrilling excitement. He blushed slightly and cupped Oswald’s hand with his. “No, it’s a lovely gesture, Oswald. I’m glad we’re doing this.” 

 

They shared a moment to smile at one another and then pulled away from each other. 

 

“So back to the fireplace,” Oswald said, limping back to where they started. “I don’t really see another clue here,” he frowned. “Other than the ‘face map’, that is.” 

 

Edward gave it some thought. “The answer to the riddle was fire… Perhaps we should light the fire?” 

 

“Good thinking!” 

 

There were logs of wood in the fireplace and matches on the mantle. Clearly that had to be their next step to solve this weird escape room. They lit the fireplace and poked the fire to make the logs burn nice and steady. Then waited. A pleasant crackling sound filled the room and soon the heat of the flames warmed the entire chamber. 

 

“Look!” Edward gasped in awe.  

 

As the room got warmer another writing appeared in glowing green letters on the floor before them. 

 

“That’s clever!” Ed exclaimed. “They used a special substance that allows for--” 

 

“You’ll explain it later, now let’s see what it says!” Oswald cut him off. 

 

They read together: 

 

_ “I make you weak at the worst time,  _

_ I keep you safe, I keep you fine,  _

_ I make your hands sweat and your heart grow cold,  _

_ I visit the weak, but seldom the bold.”  _

 

Oswald frowned. “Is that… is it fear?” 

 

Edward nodded. “It is fear,” he confirmed. “But I don’t understand the connection betwe--” 

 

“Edward! Duck!” Oswald cried out and threw himself on top of Ed, pulling him down to the ground just in time to escape some kind of strange gas erupting through a secret opening in the fireplace. It would’ve gotten them right in their faces had it not been for Oswald’s quick reaction. 

 

“Oswald! Are you alright?”

 

“What the hell was that?” Oswald barked.

 

“Isn’t it our next clue?” Edward asked confused, watching the gas slowly filling the room. 

 

“It’s not a clue! Someone’s trying to kill us!” Oswald gasped and rushed towards the door as fast as he could. “We need to get out of here! Now!” But when he tried to pull it open, it still remained locked. 

 

“Here, let me!” Edward hurried to help his friend knock the door open but even their combined strength didn’t help. “There must be a secret passage or a way to open this…” Ed insisted, eyes darting around the room in an attempt to find something. “We must look for another clue. There has to be another clue!” 

 

The gas was now filling the room in earnest like a dusty greenish-brown fog. It was getting in their lungs, making them cough and choke. Edward started frantically pulling out the books on the shelves, hoping for the old bookshelf secret passage cliche to work. No such luck though. The gas was getting thicker and he and Oswald had to cover their mouths and noses with their handkerchiefs to avoid inhaling it directly. 

 

Oswald was desperately trying to get the door open, banging on it and yelling for help as loudly as he could (which was quite loud indeed). No one came to help. He looked at Edward, regret in his eyes. He was terrified for him. It was all Oswald’s fault. He brought Ed in here. And now the chamber was locked and Edward would no doubt soon be suffocating by a mysterious gas. Oswald couldn’t allow that! He just couldn’t let Ed die! Especially since this death trap was most likely meant for him. 

 

“What kind of a puzzle is that!?” Ed cried out, as he moved to the windows, trying to break them and get some air in. Unfortunately, they were also bolted and the glass was unbreakable. It crossed Edward’s mind that perhaps the gas was not dangerous. That maybe it was all part of the haunted house escape room experience in which case the gas had to be harmless. But one look at the situation made him realize that this was definitely not the case. This gas was toxic at the least. 

 

Oswald pulled out his phone and dialed Jim’s number. “Damn voicemail!” he groaned frustrated. “Help! They’re trying to kill us! Come to Crane’s Haunted Escape Room at once! Hurry!”

 

Oswald pocketed his phone and his eyes met Edward’s. He let out a breath he had no idea he was holding. For some reason he felt terribly bad for what he had done. 

 

“You called Gordon, didn’t you?” Ed asked with a heavy heart, knowing the answer already. 

 

Oswald let out a small whine. “I’m sorry but I had to. And I’m  _ so  _ sorry I brought you here!” He sobbed, his eyes were watering both from the overwhelming terror of the situation and the stinging gas. “It’s my fault… my enemies… they can’t outsmart me in a fair fight so they play dirty. I put you in danger by merely being near you.” 

 

The tears were now sliding down Oswald’s cheeks. He looked truly broken. Ed reached out for him, holding his hand tightly and pressing a gentle kiss to it. He meant to say something comforting, to let Oswald know that he wasn’t angry, but words didn’t come to him so actions had to speak louder in this case. Oswald pulled him into a tight hug, pressing a soft kiss to Ed’s shoulder. 

 

The air was nearly unbreathable by then. They were both thrashing like flies in a cobweb until suddenly Oswald noticed something in the corner of the room. He pulled away from Edward and discretely brought his attention to that same corner. 

 

“Is that… a camera?” Edward furrowed his brows. “Is someone  _ watching us _ ?” 

 

“Follow my lead,” Oswald whispered quietly and dropped down to the floor as if he had lost consciousness. 

 

Edward blinked at him. “Oswald?...” 

 

Oswald let out a small “get down” without moving his lips much and Edward realized it was all pretend. At least for now… He followed his friend’s example and “fainted” as well. 

 

The gas was already making the visibility in the room very difficult. They couldn’t breathe properly. A few more minutes and they would suffocate for sure. Edward hoped from the bottom of his heart that Oswald had a plan. They were both on the dirty floor when finally the gas stopped and a couple of fans started clearing the air. Then the sound of an unlocking door made their hearts skip a beat. 

 

~*~ 

 

“Jim, you’re gonna want to get this one,” Harvey said, getting off the phone. 

 

Jim had just returned from a chase, pleased with his successful arrest, but seeing the look on his partner’s face, he knew it was bad news. “What is it?” 

 

“Crane’s Haunted Escape Room,” Harvey said. “Penguin’s a witness.” 

 

~*~  

 

James Gordon was determined to approach this crime scene as any other. Oswald being a witness did not change anything, he still had to do his job by the book. He sure as hell wished it was under different circumstances though. 

 

“Jim! Jim, it’s so good you’re here!” Oswald rushed towards him, the orange blanket the police officers had put around his shoulders nearly falling as he limped towards him. “Jim, we were attacked! We almost died…” 

 

Jim tried to remain professional even though his blood boiled at the thought of someone trying to hurt Oswald. “Calm down, Penguin. Tell us what happened.” 

 

“Us…?” Oswald’s eyes fell on Harvey who was right by Jim’s side. “Right.” Oswald hadn’t noticed him earlier. Strange. Never mind that. Oswald spoke fast and loud, still under the influence of the adrenaline from his ordeal. “As I told your colleagues just now, we were attacked at the escape room. A toxic gas nearly suffocated us! We couldn’t get away. I called you for help but it went to voicemail… Anyway, just when I thought we were sure to die, I saw there was a camera in the room! So I figured someone was watching us, waiting for us to lose consciousness and kidnap us! I told Ed to get down, we pretended to faint and then-- then a man showed up! …  It all happened so fast! … He attacked us! He wanted to grab me so Edward jumped to save me… There was a struggle! Edward grabbed the man by the throat and-- and squeezed really tight and-- and the man’s dead now… It was an accident, Jim! Self-defence and an accident! Edward saved my life from that man! You can see it in the footage, I'm sure!” 

 

“Calm down, Oswald,” Jim reminded. 

 

Oswald cleared his throat, his voice wavering and breaking a few times as he passionately told the story. “When we came back to our senses we saw our attacker was the old Dr. Crane, owner of the house.” 

 

Jim listened very carefully, noticing the body that his colleagues were wheeling out of the house. “I see. You and Mr. Nygma were here on a date, I presume?” he asked, willing his face to stay neutral. 

 

Oswald got considerably more nervous by that question than he was about the questions about the murder. “Yes. Yes, we were,” he confirmed. “But that is irrelevant to the investigation.” 

 

“And you got attacked by Dr. Crane,” Jim continued, ignoring Oswald’s nervousness. 

 

“That is correct,” Penguin nodded. “As I already said. But it wasn’t Edward’s fault, Jim! We were trapped! And he attacked us! He was going to kill me! Ed was only protecting me.” 

 

Edward, who until now was speaking to one of the other officers, approached them in time to hear Oswald’s passionate defense for him. He was so moved by it, so much in awe, that he couldn’t find anything to add to Oswald’s statement. 

 

“Why would Dr. Crane want you dead? What’s his motive?” Jim asked, eyebrows knitted together in a serious expression. 

 

“I don’t know! I’ve never even met the man!” Oswald assured. “Ma-maybe someone paid him to do it! One of my enemies. They must be behind this.”  

 

Jim looked at him very carefully. “Your enemies? Who are they? Why would they do that? Why would anyone want to kill you, Oswald?” 

 

Oswald’s heart dropped to his stomach. There it was. Until now Jim Gordon and the rest of the GCPD were well aware that Oswald was not a model citizen. However, they had no proof, no grounds to arrest him despite his crimes. He had never been caught for anything serious. Until now when he had to compromise himself in order to get Edward out of trouble. He had to give Jim suspects and in order to do that he had to admit being a mobster himself. It was not a good outcome but he had no choice. He couldn’t let Ed to take the blame for this. Edward was protecting  _ him _ . Much as he hated admitting it, Oswald swallowed and spoke in a clear calm voice. “Because I’m a criminal, Jim” he said at the same time when Dr. Crane’s son blurted out, “Because of the fear serum.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I kept you all waiting for the update! I write when inspiration strikes and when I get the time. I'll try to update the next chapter sooner though :)   
> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy it ^_^


	9. So You're Blue

“Because of the fear serum,” Dr. Crane’s son blurted out. 

 

They all turned as one to look at the teenage boy. Until now he had been put aside, treated like a victim in distress by the other cops at the crime scene. No one expected him to talk so soon and he didn’t seem willing to talk either. But here he was now. Noticing the two detectives talking to the man who murdered his father urged him to come forward and speak. His own orange blanket was still wrapped around his shoulders, thin bony fingers clenching it tightly in place so it wouldn’t slip. He seemed calm and distant but if one looked closely enough one would notice a peculiar fire in his gaze. There was more to Jonathan Crane that met the eye, that was for sure. 

 

“Fear serum?” Jim asked, encouraging the young man to continue. 

 

Jonathan gave a nod. “That was the whole purpose of this house,” he said. “My father collected fear.” 

 

“Collected fear? You need to explain that more, kid,” Harvey Bullock interjected, putting his hands on his hips. 

 

The young man hesitated for a moment, then spoke with surprising calmness considering the ordeal he’d been through only half an hour ago. 

 

“My father was a scientist, he said. “He was obsessed with overcoming fear so he created this place, this house... People have so many phobias, you see. All that fear bottled inside them? My father brought that fear out when they came here so that he could harvest the adrenal glands at a time when they were most active.” 

 

Harvey grimaced. “The what glands now?” 

 

“The adrenal glands, “Edward said before Jonathan could open his mouth to explain. “They produce a variety of hormones, including adrenaline and the steroids aldosterone and cortisol. Most active when a person is scared or under stress,” he supplied, the urge to be informative coming so naturally to him he didn’t even realize it until the words were already out. “They are found right above the kidneys…,” he concluded, rather awkwardly when he noticed the weird looks he was getting from the detectives. 

 

“Yes, thank you, Ed,” Harvey said pointedly, rolling his eyes. 

 

Jonathan Crane gave Edward an impressed look but it quickly melted back into a rather neutral expression. “My father lured people here, used their phobias to scare them, making their glands produce more cortisol and adrenaline so he could harvest them and improve his serum.” 

 

“What does that serum do, Jonathan?” Jim asked. “Do you know that?”  

 

For the first time since the beginning of their conversation the young man flinched. “Yes. I know what it does,” he said rather timidly. “It-- it forces the subjects to see their greatest fears.” 

 

“The subjects?” Jim frowned. “You mean not only was Dr. Crane murdering people to harvest their adrenal glands but he was also using people as test subjects for his fear serum?”  

 

Jonathan paled. “Not all of the subjects died,” he said defensively. “ _ I  _ didn’t die…” 

 

Jim exhaled silently. “He used the serum on you, too.” 

 

It wasn’t a question but Jonathan gave a quick nod nevertheless. 

 

Jim took a step towards the boy, very carefully. “What’s the purpose of this serum, Jonathan? Can you tell us that?”  

 

“My father believed that by facing their greatest fears the subjects would overcome them, thus living a life without fear,” his voice was even but his eyes were burning. “So he inflicted that heightened sensation of fear on his subjects with his serum to cure them of ever feeling it again. I had to watch him, help him, let him test it on me,” he looked directly at Ed when he added, “I do not grieve the loss.” 

 

His last words sounded a lot like gratitude to Edward for murdering his father. Or at least so Oswald thought as a silent observer. Jim and Harvey didn’t seem like they paid much attention to it, too busy thinking about old Dr. Crane’s escapades, but Oswald noticed the look in Jonathan’s eyes and how Edward gave a small nod in return. There was a quiet understanding between the two, like Edward could somehow relate to that tortured young man, like they bonded over this tragedy. It struck something inside Oswald. For the first time he began to wonder more about what Edward’s childhood was like. He wondered if there wasn’t something in Edward’s life that made him relate to a person the a position of Jonathan Crane. He already knew that just like Oswald Ed, too, was bullied. However, now Oswald suddenly realized that although Ed mentioned bullying, he never spoke of his home situation while growing up. Oswald never thought to ask, assuming that Edward would’ve said something if he felt the need. Now his reluctance to speak about it struck Oswald as a strange peculiarity. Perhaps there was another wound Edward was concealing and Oswald wished he knew how to make it clear that he was there for him no matter what. That Ed could trust him with this, or with anything, really.  

 

Jim’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts. “So we have a confession… of sorts,” he said. “All we need now is proof--” 

 

“I can show you my father’s lab, his experiments, the plans,” Jonathan said helpfully. “I can even show you where he buried the bodies … or whatever’s left of them.”

 

“You realize that makes you an accessory to these murders, don’t you, kid?” Harvey said, pointing his sausage of a finger at the boy. 

 

Jonathan pursed his lips and nodded. 

 

Jim put a hand on Harvey’s shoulder. “Relax, Harvey. The boy was a victim. I’d say he was a reluctant accomplice to his father’s crimes,” he looked at the young man. “You’re a witness, Jonathan, not a villain. Don’t worry, we’re going to take care of you.” 

 

For some reason Jonathan didn’t seem like he cared much what happened to him. It made Jim even more unnerved about what that kid had been through to make him seemingly so numb. 

 

He turned to Nygma. “You need to come to the GCPD with us, Edward, to fill up some forms. Then you’ll be free to go.” Glancing at Harvey, Jim added, “You take Jonathan Crane to the precinct, I’ll take Edward and Oswald.” 

 

Harvey nodded and took the young man by the arm. “Let’s go, kid.” 

 

Edward’s eyes followed Jonathan as he and Bullock headed towards one of the police cars. In the corner of his eye he noticed the  _ Other One _ , grinning widely, giving Ed a thumbs up and a wink. Ed swallowed. A cold shiver ran down his spine but he ignored it and followed detective Gordon and Oswald to the other police car that was meant to take him to the GCPD. 

 

~*~ 

 

During the car ride Ed seemed lost in his own head. He didn’t speak much, nor did he show any signs of noticing what was going on around him. At the precinct he followed the known procedure. It took awhile but finally he was released, free to go even though he had taken a life. He was however a vital part of the investigation for Dr. Crane’s illegal research activities so he was asked not to leave Gotham. Not that he had anywhere else to go anyway. 

 

“What will happen to that boy?” he asked Jim Gordon when they were done with everything else. 

 

“He’s a special case,” Jim replied. “Clearly traumatized by his father. I’m sure the jury will understand that and be lenient towards him.” 

 

Edward nodded. “I hope so,” he said quietly. “Children should never become victims of their parents.” 

 

Oswald was with him the entire time, only leaving his side when it was necessary for giving testimony. Ed appreciated that, even though he couldn’t quite find it in him to express it in words right now. He held Oswald’s hand and quietly whispered, “Could  you come back to my place and stay with me? Please? I don’t want to be alone…” 

 

Apparently the thought had already crossed Oswald’s mind because without hesitation he nodded and reassured that he would come. This clearly wasn’t the date either of them pictured but Ed was still glad that Oswald was with him the entire time. It felt good to not be alone anymore, to know that someone he cared about had his back. In a way that was more precious to a lonely man like Edward than an actual normal date. 

 

~*~   

 

“I cannot imagine being let down by your parent like that,” Oswald said when they entered Edward’s loft. “My mother would rather die before seeing me hurt, let alone be the one causing me pain.” 

 

“I can imagine it,” Edward said, voice low, eyebrows knitted together. He was avoiding Oswald’s gaze and he clearly didn’t want to discuss this, but the look on his face alone was enough to give Oswald some idea as to why Ed cared so much about what happened to Jonathan Crane. Edward had been abused by his parents, Oswald realized with a start at how certain he suddenly was of the fact. Edward had been abused and had to live with the scars that abuse left imprinted on him. He would have to live with those scars for the rest of his life. The thought in itself was so hurtful in its unfairness that it made Oswald physically sick. He wished he could go back in time somehow and give kid-Edward a hug, protect him from the pain he’d experienced. Let him be a child, instead of living in fear and being hurt. But the deed was done. There was no changing the past. The only thing Oswald could do was be there for him now and in the future. 

 

He reached out for Edward’s hand and held it tightly, hoping the gentleness of the touch would reassure his friend. “If there’s ever anything you need, anything at all, I’m here for you.” 

 

Edward smiled a little. “I know. Thank you, Oswald.” 

 

“No. Thank  _ you  _ for what you did for me today, Ed,” Oswald said, meaning it from the bottom of his heart. 

 

“It’s nothing,” Edward said modestly. 

“It’s  _ not  _ nothing. You  _ killed someone  _ for me. You also risked your life, you could’ve died today,” Oswald insisted. “It’s  _ definitely not nothing _ .” 

 

“I couldn’t let him hurt you,” Ed said. “It wasn’t bravery when I jumped to save you from that lunatic, Oswald. It was selfishness. I couldn’t lose you. I was guided by the one thing Dr. Crane tried so hard to eliminate. Fear of losing you.” He paused and then his eyes were locked on Penguin intently. “I hope you know, Oswald, I would do anything for you.” 

 

_ I would do anything for you, Oswald.  _ He said it with such honesty, such raw sentiment, it nearly made Oswald cry. Penguin swallowed, feeling his cheeks heating up and his heart beating faster in his chest. He had no idea what to say. His emotions were going crazy inside him but for once he didn’t know how to let them out, he had no idea how to express everything that he felt in that moment. He knew just one thing -- he trusted Edward more than he trusted anyone else in this world. Edward saw him for who he was. He saw him like no one else ever had, no one but his mother. Perhaps even better than his mother because unlike his mother Edward knew the darkness inside Oswald and embraced it nevertheless. Oswald was comfortable around Ed. He could be genuine and honest in front of him. He could bare his soul to him without ever feeling weak or vulnerable. 

 

Unable to find the right words when it came to something so intimate and emotional, Oswald leaned in and wrapped his arms around Edward, pulling him into a tight embrace. If nothing else this hug would show Ed how much he meant to Oswald. 

 

Ed hugged back, his hands warm and pleasant on Oswald’s back. Oswald inhaled deeply, taking in Edward’s scent as he felt strange calmness and security in Ed’s arms. He didn’t want to pull away. He would stay in there forever if he could. And it seemed like Edward felt the same way. 

 

They remained like that, clinging to one another on the couch in Edward’s loft, silent, yet their touch conveyed so much. There was no need to speak. Like in a song, just a glance meant everything. Not a word needed be spoken when their hearts understood each other so well.  

 

~*~ 

 

Oswald locked the door to the bathroom and pulled out his phone. His thumb hoovered hesitantly over the call button before he finally took in a deep breath and pressed it. 

 

“Oswald. Is everything alright? Are you okay?” Jim’s voice sounded concerned even though he probably didn’t mean to show it. 

 

Oswald’s heart sunk a little at what he was about to say. “Hello, Jim. Yes, yes, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” Another hesitant pause. There was no other way at the moment. He had to do it! “Umm, actually I was calling to let you know that--” 

 

_ “You can’t make it for our date tonight?”  _ Jim finished his thought. 

 

“How did you--?” 

 

_ “Call it a lucky guess.”  _

 

Oswald felt even worse. “Jim, I’m really sorry. It’s just that after what happened the other night…” 

 

_ “Edward needs you?”  _

 

“Yes,” Oswald nodded. “Yes, he does. I’m  _ so  _ sorry. We can reschedule,” he was quick to assure. 

 

There was silence at the other end of the line. It stretched so long Oswald checked if his phone was still on. It was. “Jim?” 

 

_ “I saw the way you looked at him, Oswald.”  _ Jim finally said,  _ “You used to look at  _ **_me_ ** _ like that. But I missed my chance.”  _

 

“Jim…” 

 

_ “No, don’t say anything. I get it. He needs you. You’re a good friend to him and I’ll trust you to make the right decision when it comes to  _ **_us_ ** _.”  _

 

“This isn’t easy for me, Jim,” Oswald confessed. He could lie to Jim, tell him that of course he’d make the right choice and yes, Jim was still a front runner to this race for Oswald’s heart. But neither of those things felt right to say when he himself wasn’t certain what his heart wanted. He didn’t want to play games with Jim’s or Ed’s feelings. He didn’t want to play games with his own feelings. He had to be truthful when it came to love. So truthful he was. “You know how I feel about both of you. I need to sort things out. But thank you so much for understanding, Jim, it means the world to me that you wou--” 

 

_ “Goodbye, Oswald,”  _ Jim cut him off and hung up. 

 

Oswald stood there in Edward’s bathroom with his phone in his hand, listening to the disconnected signal. For a moment he wasn’t sure what to do. Jim’s goodbye felt so final all the sudden. It confused him. 

 

He was startled by a knock on the door and Edward's voice. “Everything okay there, Oswald?”  

 

Oswald swallowed. “Everything’s fine!” he reassured, hoping his voice didn’t sound too strained. He put away his phone and ran his fingers through his hair, trying to calm himself. 

 

Ugh, he looked a mess! His hair was unstyled, his clothes were… well, they weren’t even  _ his  _ clothes, they were actually  _ Edward's  _ clothes. Oswald didn’t want to leave Edward’s side so he didn’t even go back to his place for a change of clothes. So they had to improvise, Edward giving Oswald one of his own pajamas and robes. Even those looked too big on him but at least they did the trick. It was better than being naked.  

 

They shared a bed. Edward’s loft didn’t really provide many options for sleeping arrangements so there wasn’t much choice there. Oswald hadn’t shared a bed with anyone who wasn’t his mother until that night. He was a little concerned at first, especially given Edward’s feelings for him, and Oswald’s own confused feelings for Ed, but on the whole it turned out to be a pleasant platonic experience. They talked. In the darkness words came much easier to both of them so they had a really good heart-to-heart. Then when Edward fell asleep Oswald listened to his even breathing and slowly relaxed, drifting off to sleep to that sound.

 

They woke up to find themselves in a peculiar position, snuggled together, limbs entangled and wrapped around each other. Oswald had to admit he liked waking up like that. It was so warm and cozy, he didn’t want to move at all. However, Ed quickly broke the embrace to rush to the bathroom, embarrassed by something Oswald didn’t quite catch but it seemed urgent, judging by Ed’s haste. Perhaps he really needed to pee. When he returned Oswald seemed quite amused. 

 

“What?” Edward blushed awkwardly. 

 

“Nothing. I just wonder why you have a mirror over your toilet. But I guess I shouldn’t ask.” 

 

Ed relaxed and grinned. “Yeah. Better don’t.” 

 

They had a nice breakfast together, laughed some more. Oswald was pleased to notice that the tension in Edward’s shoulders had somewhat lifted and he seemed much calmer now compared to last night. Yet he was still afraid to leave him alone lest he sunk back into the dark mood from the night before. Edward was becoming his own self again but he still seemed a little too jumpy. Oswald imagined that having a near death experience and then kill a person for the first time was a trying period in a someone’s life, so he knew he needed to be patient with Ed. Postponing his date with Jim was the only logical solution. Ed needed him so Oswald would gladly be there for him. He could take a few days off and dedicate them to his friend. Ed deserved it. Surely Jim understood that. He said it was alright. He even expected Oswald to cancel. He did sound hurt and disappointed though… Oswald’s heart sunk again at the memory and even though he tried not to let it show he was concerned. If only matters of the heart were easier. Oswald’s life had always been complicated but this was was a whole new level to him. 

 

He still looked a mess though so he washed himself to at least be clean. He wasn’t so bold as to try for attractive -- he knew what he looked like and he still had no idea what Jim and Ed saw in him. Besides this was a friendly stay so Oswald shouldn’t even be concerned what he looked like. Not in that way anyway. He was here as Edward’s friend, not as anything more than that. The fact that his heart fluttered every time Ed smiled at him was beside the point. 


	10. Well, I Can Dance With You, Honey

Their sleepover turned into a weekend. Over that time they got so comfortable around one another that it felt like they’ve been living together for ages.  

 

“Woah! You have a  _ lot  _ of video games,” Oswald chuckled when he found Edward’s ‘humble’ collection. 

 

“I love video games. Don’t you?” 

 

Oswald shrugged. “Haven’t really played that many. I had other hobbies while growing up and later it just never came up.”

 

A wide grin spread across Edward’s face. “We should remedy that! To the console!” 

 

Oswald laughed amused. “You’re ridiculous!” he said but he still did as instructed, waiting for Ed to show him the ropes. 

 

It was like they were a couple of teenagers, playing video games together on a night off from school. Just two friends hanging out and having fun. It was something neither of them had before in their lives so now they were catching up the only way they could. Perhaps it should have felt slightly awkward but it just felt good instead. 

 

“I wish I knew you before,” Edward confessed, both of them staring at the screen with the controls in their hands. 

 

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Oswald replied, flinching a little at a particularly difficult level for him.” 

 

“I could’ve used a friend like you back then,” Ed hummed. 

 

“You mean, fun, adorable, brave and clever?” Oswald teased with a grin. 

 

“No, I mean someone who would help me stab my enemies to death and then go get ice cream with me.” 

 

Oswald’s grin widened. “That does sound like a good kind of friendship.” 

 

“For sure,” Ed chuckled. “We still have a good kind of friendship now too, though, don’t we?” 

 

“Oh, yes. Definitely,” Oswald agreed. 

 

“I don’t mind that it’s happening now and not back when we were at school or something. It’s not true that you meet your best friend when you’re a kid. At least… not for everyone.”

 

Oswald paused the game. Edward looked rather sad, like there was something hanging over his head. 

 

“Is everything alright, Ed?” Oswald asked softly. 

 

Ed chuckled but he seemed really emotional. His eyes were glistening a little and it was so strange for Oswald to see him like this! Usually Oswald was the one with his feelings all over the place. Ed could be nervous and twitchy but also surprisingly cool and collected at times. It was usually hard for him to show his true emotions so he would often either mask them with a goofy smile or a riddle, or retreat into himself with a distant cold exterior. To actually tear up like that in front of someone was most unusual.  

 

Oswald reached out to cup Edward’s hand. “Hey, it’s okay. You can talk to me.” 

 

Edward nodded, wiping at his eyes. “I had a-- a difficult childhood. And to make it more bearable I sometimes imagined what it would’ve felt like to actually have a best friend. I just felt so lonely and misunderstood!” he sniffled, hating how vulnerable he was at that moment but also glad he could be himself in front of Oswald. 

 

“I understand,” Oswald said, a soft sigh escaping his lips. “I was bullied a lot. As you know. Not at home, my mother is amazing! But she couldn’t always protect me. I learned from a young age that I was not meant to have friends. So I didn’t even try.” 

 

“I tried… When I came to Gotham I wanted to have a fresh start. That’s when I tried to make friends. … It didn’t work out.” He shook his head with a sad chuckle. “Do you suppose other people somehow sense that you’re different from them? That somehow they just…  _ know _ ?” 

 

Oswald shrugged. “Perhaps. But we don’t really need such people, do we, Ed? We need the ones who accept us as we are and love us for it. Why settle for less?” 

 

Edward looked up at him and smiled. “Thank you, Oswald. I knew you’d understand. I-- I sometimes wonder if I haven’t made you up too.” 

 

Oswald grinned. “Well, dreamy as I am, I am also quite real,” he reassured, then  nodded at the game. “Now, how about we finish this?” 

 

“Ooh! Yes!” Ed said excitedly. “I can’t wait till we get to level 15! It’s the best!” 

 

Even though they couldn’t reach level 15 that day, they still had a lovely time. 

 

~*~ 

 

That night when they went to bed Edward made sure to keep his distance from Oswald. It made sense that he would since the previous night they both struggled to ignore their obvious desires and curiosity. Nothing happened, of course, other than a lot of sleep-cuddling, but it felt wrong to just let it continue before Oswald was ready with his decision. It was the right thing to do, yet Penguin couldn’t help the pang of disappointment at losing the chance to snuggle with Edward while falling asleep. It was so warm and comfortable. He then wondered what it would be like to share a bed with Jim. Would Jim stay away from him or would he just wrap his strong arms around him and keep him close, consequences be damned? Oswald cleared his throat, trying to shake those thoughts off. Now was not the time. 

 

“Oswald? Are you still awake?” Edward asked from his side of the bed. 

 

“Sorry, did I--?” 

 

“No, no, I was awake already,” Ed was quick to ease his mind. “I can’t sleep.” 

 

“Oh.” Oswald nodded awkwardly. “Do you need to talk?” 

 

“Maybe?” Ed sighed. “You know what’s weird?” 

 

“What?” 

 

“I don’t regret it. Dr. Crane Sr. I don’t feel guilty for ending that man’s life.” 

 

So that was what bugged Ed. Alright, Oswald could help here. “He was a really bad man, Edward,” he said out loud. “Just look at what he did to all those people and even his own son.” 

 

“I know. But that’s not all of it.” Ed’s voice sounded strained. “I...  _ enjoyed  _ it.” He swallowed loudly. It was obviously uncomfortable for him to admit it to another person, but he still continued bravely. “I liked strangling him, watch him die. He wanted to hurt you and I could  _ do  _ something about it. I  _ stopped  _ him. Permanently. I liked that. And the fact that I don’t feel bad about it scares me.” 

 

Oswald was silent for a moment. Having had his own fair share with crime and murder, he expected to be more prepared for this conversation. But he suddenly realized he wasn’t entirely sure how to approach it. He himself stopped feeling remorse about such things ages ago. But in his life he had witnessed so many sick things people did to one another, it had somehow numbed him to violence. It no longer surprised him. At the same time, the people  _ he  _ had killed were either scumbags or had to die for strategic reasons, so no regrets there either. None of Oswald’s own experience was helpful in this case. This was Edward’s first murder. Edward was a gentle soul and Oswald had to take that into consideration when treating the subject of his first kill.  

 

“I think what you explained makes sense,” he said. “You see, sometimes doing bad things to bad people can feel rewarding. You brought this man to justice in your own way. I guess that's why you enjoyed it. You’re still you but you’ve discovered something new about yourself. Something you didn’t expect perhaps. You felt… powerful, I imagine? Confident, in control, like you were finally not being ignored or dismissed. Like you had the upper hand over all those mean assholes you’ve met in your life. Is that it?” 

 

He could feel Edward nod in the dark. The green light from the neon sign outside was seeping through the window of the loft but it did not reach the bed. They were safe here in the darkness, secluded and protected. It felt easier to talk about this when your face was hidden. 

 

“That’s true.” Edward finally said. “I did feel better about myself. Like it changed me but in a good, thrilling way. It was beautiful. And I know I shouldn’t be saying that…” 

 

“You’re entitled to feel the way you feel, Edward. I won’t judge. I’m the last person who could judge you. And it’s good you’re saying it out loud,” Oswald encouraged. 

 

Ed sighed. “You know, I sometimes feel like there’s this other side to me, like a different person who’s much stronger and more confident than me but also more ruthless. Somehow, I expected him to be the one to do something like that. Like he would be the one to strangle Dr. Crane. Yet it was me who did it. I think he’s surprised too,” he breathed out. “I’m not sure if that makes sense.”

 

“We are all different people. We’re many things in one,” Oswald said, not quite following what Edward meant. 

 

“That’s not how it is with me though. I-- I’ve  _ actually seen him _ . He speaks to me. And he’s not always nice.” The last words were a quiet whisper. As if Edward was afraid to utter them out loud lest the Other One would appear and take control, perhaps even destroy Edward forever. 

 

“You mean like a hallucination?” Oswald asked, still puzzled. 

 

“Mmm, not exactly. More like… like he’s there but not physically there? And I know you’d call that a hallucination but he  _ is  _ real. Just not physically there unless he hijacks my body.” He groaned and cupped his eyes with his hands. “I sound crazy.” 

 

“No. No, it’s not crazy,” Oswald insisted, not wanting Edward to keep all that bottled inside and shut himself off again. “It’s not crazy but it is something you might like to discuss with a specialist. Someone you trust who also has the knowledge of how the mind works. Someone who could help more than me but also someone who won’t take advantage of you.” 

 

“I could go to Dr. Lee Thompkins,” Ed said. “She’s new at the GCPD so I’ve only seen her a bunch of times while I was there, but she’s really nice and always kind to me.” 

 

“Lee Thompkins,” Oswald repeated. “I’m good at finding information. I could check if she’s trustworthy.” 

 

“Thank you, Oswald. I appreciate this. I would never even consider taking this step if it weren’t for your encouragement.” 

 

“I just want what’s best for you, Ed. You mean the world to me,” Oswald said, earnestly. 

 

Ed inhaled deeply, then exhaled again. He felt calmer than before. Finally talking things out helped. “You’re right,” he said. “It’s good to get things off your chest.” 

 

“It is,” Oswald smiled with a hum. 

 

Edward shifted a bit closer. “Do you mind if we cuddle again?” 

 

Oswald smiled. “Not at all. I quite like it actually,” he said breathless and they closed the distance between them. 

 

~*~  

 

Edward was a really good pianist. The way his long fingers moved over the keyboard, the brilliant music he created, it was so sensual. Oswald’s mother was a good pianist too, a great lover of music, so listening to Edward reminded him of her. It warmed Oswald’s heart and he made sure to say so. 

 

“It’s just a hobby,” Edward replied shyly, blushing a little at the compliment but his pleasure at the praise was visible on his face. 

 

“You’re really good! You sound like a concert pianist!” 

 

“That’s a bit of a stretch but thank you,” Ed blushed again. “Would you like me to teach you something?” he then offered. 

 

Oswald chuckled. “I’m not really that good. My mother tried teaching me, but even though I love the instrument, I don’t really feel the need to learn to play it that well.” 

 

“But you have such a beautiful singing voice!” Edward insisted. “You’re definitely musical, Oswald.” 

 

“That’s what my mother used to say too,” he let out a breathless little laugh. "But when it comes to playing, all I can muster is a bit of  _ Heart and Soul _ ." 

 

"A bit of heart and soul is all we need in life," Ed smiled with a wink and Oswald caught himself grinning back like a fool but he didn’t mind. He was happy here with Edward. 

 

He sat down at the piano beside his friend and watched as Ed’s warm hand took Oswald’s own cold fingers and carefully positioned them over the keyboard. “Now. You play the melody and I’ll do the rest,” he instructed softly. 

 

Oswald did as he was told and was amazed to find that the sounds that came out from under their hands actually sounded good! He chuckled as he continued playing the simple melody, mindful not to get something wrong and ruin Edward’s music. 

 

“Relax,” Edward said. “Even if you hit a wrong note it can always become part of the composition. Let the music set you free.” 

 

Oswald exhaled and closed his eyes.  _ Let the music set you free.  _ It would’ve been easier to improvise if he actually had some technique. But this was fun too. His fingers relaxed and he concentrated on feeling instead of thinking. This was about heart and soul, not about reason and logic, and Oswald had a lot of feelings! 

 

Edward was doing most of the work, as one might expect since he was the better pianist, but with his eyes closed and his hands on the keyboard Oswald felt a part of this. He felt like he was adding something to Edward’s beautiful performance and that made them partners, relying on one another. He could feel what they were creating together and it mentally took him to places Oswald never imagined. Edward changed a few tunes as they played and when Oswald suddenly recognized one of them he started singing as well. It was strange and beautiful at the same time. They made quite a lovely duet, their voices complimenting each other beautifully under the accompaniment of Edward’s piano. 

 

Luckily for them, Edward knew a lot of old-timey tunes that Oswald loved because they were his mother’s favorites. Whatever Ed didn’t know he managed to improvise so basically there wasn’t anything he couldn’t really play for Oswald. Penguin hadn’t had this much fun in ages! He allowed himself to relax completely and laugh from the heart like a carefree child for once in his life. It was wonderful. And it was wonderful for Ed to see him like that. 

 

Suddenly he stopped playing. Oswald looked at him puzzled. “Ed?” 

 

Their eyes met. Oswald could feel his heart beating faster. He wasn’t sure why but he had an inkling. Edward leaned in a little and Oswald’s breath hitched but he did not stop his friend. In fact, he let his eyes flutter close and tilted his head up a little so he could meet Edward’s lips as the other man crossed the small distance between them. And suddenly everything was so much clearer. He finally had the answers he had been looking for, all his doubts and confusion gone. He knew what he felt now. He knew what his heart wanted, and he was finally home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that was the NYGMOBBLEPOT ending, my friends! If you were rooting for Gobblepot, then keep reading the next chapter ;D


	11. The Gobblepot Ending

The first kiss was rather awkward so they tried again and again to find the optimal effect. Eventually though they had to pull away. 

 

Edward swallowed nervously, avoiding Oswald’s eyes. “Well, that was…” he said and trailed off. 

 

“Yeah, it was…” Oswald added but couldn’t finish. 

 

courage

“... something?” Ed suggested. 

 

“It was definitely something,” Oswald hastily agreed. 

 

Another awkward silence. They’ve never been so weird around one another. Not even at the most awkward of times. It was unexpected, furthermore, it was uncomfortable after how great everything else had been between us only a few moments ago. Oswald had to speak up, he couldn’t just let this confusion continue. 

 

“The truth is I expected fireworks!” he blurted out. “I mean, we’ve been building up to this kiss for  _ soooo _ long, I wanted it so much but now it feels like… I don’t know, like kissing my mother!” 

 

Edward sighed with relief. “Oh, thank God! I thought it was just me!” he gasped, running his fingers through his hair. “All this time I’ve been daydreaming about kissing you, touching you, being with you, but now that we actually get there it’s just wrong. Like you’re not the same person I dreamed about.” 

 

“I know! It’s so strange!” Oswald agreed. 

 

Ed breathed out. “I feel like such an idiot! It’s like what happened with Kristen all over again.” 

 

Oswald shook his head. “You’re not an idiot, Ed. There’s no manual for these things. Sometimes it’s more difficult to figure them out.” 

 

Ed nodded. “So what do we do now?” he asked. 

 

Oswald shrugged. “I guess this is it. My great dilemma is half over.” 

 

“Oswald’s choice,” Edward teased. Oswald snorted. “I still love you, though” Edward added more seriously. 

 

“I still love you too,” Oswald confessed, gazing at him with big blue-green eyes. 

 

They remained at the piano, lost in thought, processing everything that happened between them over the last couple of weeks. 

 

“Do you suppose we’re both so inexperienced with love and being loved that different types of affection confuse us?” Ed asked. 

 

“It sounds logical,” Oswald allowed. “And it doesn’t mean our love is less important than any romantic love. Because I  _ do  _ love you, Edward Nygma. You’re my best friend and I don’t want to lose that.” 

 

“I don’t want to lose that either.” 

 

“So you won’t,” Oswald smiled warmly at him. He gently placed his hand on top of Ed’s and proceeded solemnly. “Because I, Oswald Cobblepot, take thee, Edward Nygma, to be my best friend for life, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.” 

 

Edward chuckled and grinned fondly. “Alright, Pengsy-wengsy! If you really want this.” He cleared his throat and inhaled deeply. “I, Edward Nygma, take thee, Oswald Cobblepot, to be my best friend for life, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.” 

 

Oswald beamed at him, his heart nearly bursting with euphoria. Their friendship vows felt better than their kiss a moment ago and he couldn’t help but laugh at the irony. 

 

“Wow! I feel  _ so  _ much better now!” Edward said amused. 

 

“Me too, friend! Me too!” Oswald agreed and suddenly everything felt right again. 

 

~*~  

 

“Jim, you’ve been grumpy for days. What’s wrong?” Harvey asked. When Jim ignored the question, Harvey only persisted. “You know you can talk to me, right? I may be a bit rough around the edges but I have a heart.” 

 

Jim arched an eyebrow but froze before he could reply. There, at the GCPD entrance, once again stood Oswald Cobblepot. He was looking for someone and it didn’t take a genius to guess who. 

 

Jim swallowed, busying himself with papers as if hoping Oswald would somehow fail to see him and go away. Not that Jim  _ wanted  _ Oswald to leave, he just didn’t want to hear what Oswald had to tell him. Penguin clearly came here to inform Jim of his decision and that decision… Well, in light of recent events, he clearly chose Nygma. Jim just didn’t want to hear it. Intellectually he respected that this was Oswald's choice but emotionally it was killing him to even think about it. He lost the man he loved. He was too late and now he had to live with that. 

 

Despite Jim’s “elaborate disguise” to hide behind his work, Oswald did see him and limped in his direction. “Jim…” he said, voice soft and slightly breathless. “Can we talk somewhere in private?” 

 

Jim didn’t want to look at him, didn’t want to see those eyes because he knew it would only bring him more pain. But he had to. He didn’t want to ruin this moment for Oswald. He’d been through so much already, he deserved to be happy with or without Jim. So he put the case files away and took a deep breath before getting up from his chair and giving Oswald a nod. “Yeah, sure. We can go to the back room.” 

 

They left quickly before Harvey could make some inappropriate remark and make things even more awkward. 

 

Jim took Oswald to the back door and closed the door behind them. Then he assumed his stern policeman face -- a subconscious defense mechanism when his feelings were too strong for him to contain them. 

 

“Oswald, I think I know why you’re here,” he said out loud. Being straightforward about it would probably make this whole situation much easier for both of them. “And I want you to know that it’s fine. I get it. You don’t have to explain. I wish you all the best, okay?” 

 

Oswald seemed confused. “You get it?” he repeated. 

 

Jim nodded. “Yes, I do.” He sucked in a sharp breath.  _ He had to be strong! He had to be strong!  _ His voice sounded perfectly calm and unaffected when he spoke again. “You spent a lot of time with Nygma. You two are already such good friends, you get along so well, and with everything that happened over the last couple of days… You love him. And you’ve made up your mind. I get it and respect that.” 

 

“I  _ do  _ love Edward very much,” Oswald confirmed. “And it’s true that I’ve made up my mind. Finally. Sorry for how long it took. I just had to be sure.” 

 

“Hey, if anyone took too long, it’s me.” Jim tried to lighten the mood but it left a bitter taste in his mouth. He made a mental note for himself that it was too early to joke about this. 

 

“That’s very mature of you, Jim,” Oswald smiled, looking impressed. “I admit these last couple of days I spent with Edward opened my eyes. They were crucial in helping me understand my own heart.” 

 

“Yeeaah, you don’t need to tell me all the details” Jim said. He really didn’t need to hear how much Oswald loved Ed. 

 

“But the details are most important here!” Oswald insisted. 

 

If Jim didn’t know any better he would have assumed Oswald was being hurtful on purpose. 

 

“Ed and I spent every moment of that weekend together,” Oswald continued, “We played video games, we made music, it was amazing! We just sort of… fit.” 

 

“Uh-huh.” Jim nodded, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other and trying hard to keep his feelings to himself.

 

“We shared all meals, we even shared a bed! Platonically, of course,” Oswald said as if that was a perfectly normal conversation to have with the man who was hopelessly in love with him. 

 

“Okay. I really don’t need to hear this, Oswald,” Jim interrupted.  

 

Oswald’s hand reached out for him, grabbing his sleeve. “Please,” he said quickly, sucking in a small breath as if bracing himself for something. “This is important. I’m going somewhere with this,” another deeper inhale and exhale, and then, “We did all those things and we were so close. We were like brothers.”  

 

Jim huffed, putting a distance between them again. “Yes, Oswald, I’m very happy for both of y--” he froze, the information suddenly registering in his head. He looked at Penguin with wide eyes. “Wait… Brothers?” 

 

Oswald nodded with a sheepish smile. “I love Edward. He’s the best friend I ever had. But I’m not in love with him. I’m in love with… well, I’m in love with you, Jim.” 

 

Jim couldn’t believe his ears. Oswald looked just as nervous as him, waiting for Jim to say something, but Jim still had trouble processing. “You love me?” he repeated. 

 

Oswald nodded eagerly. “I do! And this time there’s no doubt left in my heart about how I feel about you, Jim! I love you! So very much!” 

 

“But I thought… With you and Edward spending a weekend together… I assumed…” 

 

“It turned out I needed it in order to realize that what I felt for him was great friendship,” Oswald laughed with tears of joy in his eyes. “And he feels the same way about me too, so you don’t have to worry about it. He’s not angry or bitter.” 

 

“So you and him, you two never…?” 

 

“Now, I have to be honest with you, Jim,” Oswald said very seriously. “We did kiss. But right after that kiss we both knew that this wasn’t what either of us expected.” 

 

“Meaning?” 

 

“There were no fireworks.” 

 

“Ah.” 

 

“It was like kissing your brother. So that finally cleared that up for us.” 

 

Jim’s stoic front finally cracked. He laughed and ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up as he crossed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Oswald’s waist. “I’m glad you kissed him so you finally have your answer,” he said, eyes intent on the other man. 

 

Oswald’s pupils went a little wide and he gaped at Jim, flustered. “Yes… me too…” he replied breathlessly. 

 

Jim’s eyes slid down to Oswald’s parted lips, then their gazes met again and the corners of Jim’s mouth quirked up in a small smirk. “So that means you can finally take me on that date?” 

 

Oswald grinned. “If you still want it.” 

 

“Need you even ask?” Jim whispered. “I love you, Oswald.” 

 

Oswald melted. “I love you too!” he breathed out right before Jim’s lips were on his, and this time it felt just right. 

 

A mere brush of lips at first, then Jim deepened the kiss and pulled Oswald closer, as if being away from Oswald physically hurt him. He kissed Oswald as if his life depended on it and Oswald felt dizzy. He went weak in the knees, fingers clenching tightly at the lapels of Jim’s jacket both out of passion and to make sure he doesn’t fall. Jim’s strong arms wrapped around him also felt amazing. 

 

When they finally pulled away to breathe both their hearts were racing wildly in their rib cages. Jim looked at Oswald, a little uncertain, and asked, “Were there--” he cleared his throat, his voice too hoarse. “Were there fireworks for you?” 

 

As if he needed to ask that! As if it wasn’t glaringly obvious! Oswald wanted to laugh hysterically. “More than on 4th July!” he replied excitedly. 

 

Jim grinned happily at him and chuckled. “Same,” he said and pressed their foreheads together to just take in Oswald’s presence. “Same.” 

 

~*~  

 

Edward gathered his courage and knocked on Lesley’s door. They didn’t know each other that well but she was kind to him and smelled nice. Edward liked how comfortable and easy she usually made him feel. “Dr. Thompkins? Hello. I was wondering if I could ask you a favor. Could you help me with my mental health? I have these issues I’ve been neglecting for  _ way  _ too long and it’s about time I--” he cut himself off when he noticed the other man in the room. A complete stranger. “Oh… I apologize. I didn’t realize you were busy. I’ll come back later.” 

 

He was about to leave but Lee quickly stopped him, gesturing for him to return. “No, no, it’s alright, Ed,” she said. Then she looked at the stranger and smiled. “Edward, this is Lucius Fox. He’s our new forensic scientist.” 

 

“Oh!” 

 

The man smiled at Ed and offered him his hand for a shake. “Mr. Nygma. I’ve seen some of your work. Very impressive,” he said and it sounded genuine. 

 

“Thank you,” Ed replied, still not sure what to expect. “Umm, I really don’t want to interrupt so…” 

 

“Nonsense,” Lee chuckled. “It’s good to see you here. And you mentioned you needed my help?” 

 

“With my mind, yes,” Ed confirmed, swallowing nervously. “I-- I have a problem.” 

 

“I am a feeling conjured from within; I help you stand when your wish to give in,” Lucius Fox uttered. 

 

Ed’s eyes went wide as he stared at the man. “What?” 

 

“It’s courage,” Mr. Fox said quickly, clearing his throat. “I only meant that I think it’s admirable that you’re ready to face your issues. It takes a lot of strength and courage to do that.” 

 

"Thank you…?” Ed said but he couldn’t let something go. “Was that a riddle you just asked me?”  

 

Lucius chuckled. "Forgive me. I must admit I have a bit of a soft spot for riddles. Aren't those brain teasers fascinating?" 

 

Edward’s heart leapt. "Yes." he agreed quickly, a warm smile slowly spreading across his face. "Yes, they are fascinating indeed!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And a bonus ending for those who couldn’t choose between Nygmobblepot and Gobblepot, so keep reading the next chapter ;D


	12. A Bonus Ending For a Special Occasion

Everything went white. Oswald’s head hurt as he opened his eyes and tried to focus on his surroundings. He was… at the GCPD? Edward’s old Forensic Room? But why? He must’ve come here after he was with Jim? And then… Jim was watching him with concern. 

 

“You okay, Oswald?” He asked, frowning. 

 

“You scared us there, bird boy,” Harvey added.  

 

Oswald ignored him. “What… what happened?” he asked, trying to sit up. “Why am I on the floor?” 

 

This better made sense soon. He was getting impatient. He had other more pleasant things to do. His life finally got better with a best friend and a beloved who both returned his feelings. It sounded like a happy dream! 

 

“You don’t remember?” Jim asked even more concerned. 

 

“No, I--” 

 

Edward opened the door and entered the room with a glass of water in hand. Obviously bringing it for Oswald. “Mr. Penguin! You’re awake!” He exclaimed and then suddenly Oswald remembered. 

 

_ “You just gave me an idea, Edward Nygma!” Oswald grinned, pleased with himself. “We continue this charade, and together we make both Jim Gordon and Miss Kringle jealous!” _

 

_ Edward looked quite excited at the suggestion yet he still had to ask, “Would that work?” _

 

_ Oswald smiled a clever smile, “We could at least try!” he said and gave the other man a small wink, “What have we to lose?” _

 

_ Edward beamed at him. “Mr. Penguin?” _

 

_ “Yes, Mr. Nygma?”  _

 

_ “I believe this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!”  _

 

_ Oswald grinned back and nodded even more pleased with himself. “I believe so too, Mr. Nygma.”  _

 

_ Just as he turned around to leave some idiot policeman burst through the door, hitting Oswald in the face. And he blacked out.  _

 

Oswald sucked in a deep breath. “It was all a dream, wasn’t it,” he sighed tiredly. 

 

“What was all a dream?” Jim and Ed both asked at the same time. 

 

Oswald couldn’t even look at them right now. “Nothing,” he groaned. “I should just go home. My mother will be worried about me if I’m late.” 

 

“Well, I’ll be damned, Penguin!” Harvey exclaimed with a chuckle. “Your mother really doesn’t know that you’re out!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The good news is that this story is now officially complete! :D The slightly more weird news is that the last ending give me an idea for a sequel… Faithful to the ABBA consistency of this work, I’d call that sequel "Take a Chance on Me".   
> Summary: Inspired by his dream while being unconscious, Oswald is determined to make Edward see that they are meant to be best friends. Edward, however, is more keen on his new relationship with Kristen Kringle.   
> Now, this sequel wasn’t planned ((but then again, this whole story was meant to be a one-shot)) so I welcome your views on whether I should go for it or not.

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank everyone for their wonderful comments that inspired me to continue this story! And thank you to everyone who read the story, left a kudos, waited patiently for my updates! Thank you so much! It means the world to me to share this story with you :’)


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